Sex Life: How Danger Has Made My Sex Life Exciting

June 26, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.


The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 35-year-old heterosexual man. He talks about how exploring unconventional forms of sex and chasing excitement helped him find sexual liberation. 

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 35-year-old heterosexual man. He talks about how exploring unconventional forms of sex helped him find sexual liberation. 

What was your first sexual experience?

It was with a neighbour. We were in SS1 but in different schools. We also went to the same lesson classes. One day, we found ourselves in a room together and started touching each other. I don’t think there was sexual attraction, it was just a case of opportunity and curiosity. 

Did it happen just once or… ?

Oh no. It happened for years. We never talked about it — it just happened. It progressed from touching to humping to sex. I was about 15 around this time. 

Why did it stop?

No reason. It just did. The same way it started was the same way it just stopped.

How did your sex life progress?

Afterwards, I started having feelings — puberty and stuff. You know how when you’re writing WAEC in a Nigerian school, there’s a bit of freedom that wasn’t there before? That period was a sexual awakening for me. I would stay back after school to kiss girls and sometimes do a bit more. It was an exciting time. But it didn’t kickstart till perhaps university.

What was the university like for you?

Fascinating, stressful, awful, liberating, humbling. 

That’s a lot.

University was a whole new world. I had freedom like never before. I felt like a responsible adult, but I learned that being a responsible adult was tiring. 

At home, I couldn’t even bring a male friend home. But at uni, I had a shared apartment and could bring home male friends and even female friends. 

I hooked up with people and started doing casual sex as well.

Did you enjoy the sex? 

Yes. It was pretty good. I’ll be honest; I’ve always had a good sex life. I think I’m good looking, people think so and I’ve always been able to get the girls. 

At this point, I was having casual sex often enough. Then I got into a short-lived relationship.

Why was it short-lived?

The babe was annoying. It was stressful, especially since I was in a stressful environment — a  Nigerian university. God forbid. So I ended it.

After this, I had a casual-sex-only period, then entered a long relationship. This one ended because I cheated on her. That was on me.

Why did you cheat?

I was bored. That’s not a valid reason for most people, but it’s the truth. I wanted excitement. A few months into the relationship, I was tired. I wanted sexual excitement, I wanted to be on my toes. Cheating had a bit of danger and a change of pace, so I did it. The cheating sex wasn’t all that, but that touch of danger was everything. She eventually found out because there’s nothing like a secret in Lagos. 

How did that feel?

Awful. I did not want to hurt someone I loved. People never want to hear what the cheating person has to say, but I genuinely didn’t want to hurt her.

But you wanted sexual excitement?

I wanted danger and excitement in my sex life. Which by the way, was a thing I found out was essential to my sex life.

Can you explain?

I like penetrative sex. However, I easily get bored of it. It doesn’t wow me; it’s just like “6/10”. For a while, I didn’t quite know what was missing, but I knew I needed something to spice it up.

Did you find it?

Yeah, but I like to believe I’m still finding it.

Please explain.

It started with a bit of BDSM and role-playing. I dated this girl who was into it, and I realised I wasn’t as repulsed by it as I thought. So we gave it a go: she dominated me, I dominated her. That was when I first thought, “Yo, this is good.” After that, I started pushing myself. I stopped saying no to “unusual” forms of sex. It’s taken me a long time, but there are very few things that I can not get into. My main exceptions are things that involve waste products — knives, guns, creepy age play and rape play. I don’t do those.

What do you do?

Roleplay is a personal favourite. Pegging, BDSM, spanking, bondage, and frankly, most things. Like the saying goes, I’m here for a good time.

What’s your sex life like now?

LMAO. It’s popping. I have always had a good sex life, but now? Great. The best part is how I know myself now. In the past, I never explored. I just did what I thought was expected of me. 

If someone had told me that one day, I would be okay getting dominated or having someone use a dildo on me, I would laugh and probably throw up. But I’m glad I explored myself and found my limits as well as my sweet spots. 

What about relationships?

A lot of women don’t want to push the boundaries. They find a man who wants to do something, and they run for the hills. That leaves me with a very small dating pool. I’m okay with that. It’s a good way to filter people. I’ve been single for the past year, but before that, I had great relationships with women who were willing to explore themselves as well as explore me. 

Do you feel like more men should try non-conventional forms of sex?

Absolutely. One hundred per cent. Not everyone is for it, and that’s fine. However, there’s nothing wrong with trying stuff out. How do you know it’s not for you if you’ve never tried it? Vanilla sex is great, but there’s so much more to life and sex.

How would you rate your sex life?

8/10. Great sex, but I do wish it happened a bit more and the pool was bigger.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 3, 2021

The dating scene Is a messy place and everyone has their spec. If you haven’t figured out what works for you, we’ve been generous enough to make a list. 1. People that have money  Money makes romance sweeter, to be honest. People will probably call you a gold-digger, but is it their gold you are […]

September 2, 2020

In the bedroom, naked, we are stripped to our most primal form. All our trappings and adornments are peeled off, leaving us bare, locked in horizontal combat. It’s in times like this that our biggest insecurities and fears come to the fore. Many men struggle under the weight of insecurities. With a society that forces […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

More from Ships

August 13, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old queer woman who owns half a dozen sex toys and wants more. She talks about her sex toy curiosity, the trial and errors before she found the perfect ones and how she navigates sex with people. 

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X