Love Life: “We Are Married, But He Needs To Propose”

September 16, 2021

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Audio: We Are Married But He Needs To Propose

When Kingsley (40) met Ada (31), he was mesmerised. But Ada did not want anything to do with a man from Rivers State. Today on Love Life, they discuss moving from enemies to friends to husband and wife, and a pending marriage proposal.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Kingsley: The first time I saw Ada was at a salon where she was making her hair. A friend of mine was at the salon, so I decided to stop and say “Hi.” And then I saw Ada. She had no make-up on, her hair was combed out, and she looked completely tired. But even in that state, she was stunning. That was when I realised that stopping at the salon was the best decision I ever made.

Ada: This man was greeting another babe next to me, then he asked the babe if we were together. Immediately she said no, he moved to me so he could collect my number. The moment he came to me, I thought to myself, “This one na ashawo.” But I gave him the number to save myself from plenty talk. My plan was to ignore his calls later on.

LMAO. But look at you today…

Kingsley: Omo, she was a tough nut to crack. This babe suffered me. I would call and she would not pick. And even when she did, her responses were direct, no time to joke around. She never wanted to see, and hanging out was completely out of the option. I even began to wonder if I had wronged her before. 

Ada: Please, don’t paint me bad. I had my reasons for that.

Oya, tell us. We are all ears.

Ada: He would call me to come and see him only when it rained. At some point, I had to ask him if I was dry gin that brings heat. 

Kingsley: But I also asked if I could come to your house, and your response was something along the lines of, “No sir, my house nor be hotel.” This woman would even read my WhatsApp messages and refuse to reply.

LMFAO. What did this man do to you?

Ada: Okay, to be fair, I did not like men from Rivers state and he fell under that demographic.

Kingsley: Oho.

Ada: And I was also seeing someone at the time.

Now, it’s adding up. What did Rivers men do to you?

Ada: Not me, specifically. I have just had people around who had bad experiences with them. For example, a friend of mine dated a man from Rivers state years ago and had no idea he was married. The day she found out, she fainted and went into a coma for a week. The man never called or checked on her till today. And this happened in 2009.

Kingsley: Wow. That’s cruel.

Ada: As for the man I was dating at the time, I was ghosted for over a year and it ended in hot breakfast and premium tears. I guess the heartbreak was what made me begin to see Kingsley in a different light.


Kingsley: For me, I had to be patient and pray so I could understand her. In learning how to understand, I realised that she did not like people disturbing her too much. That was a major turn off. And so, whenever I checked up on her, I would tell her to let me know when she would be free, unlike before when I would call and demand to see her “now now”. And strangely, this simple understanding was the key I needed all along.

Ada: In my defense, I think the heartbreak made me let my guard down, and he took the opportunity to strike. Either way, I started to consider him as a friend, not as a lover. I had just gotten my heart broken, there’s no way I could jump into another relationship immediately. 

So, you started as friends… How long did it take for this to happen?

Kingsley: A whole year of me begging her. When we became friends, we would hang out frequently and gist. We went to the movies, took walks in the park, and just vibed generally.

Ada: We were regular customers at Port Harcourt Mall. I loved the chicken and chips. Also, I think it was over a year before I said yes to his offer of friendship.

In this one year, were there other women in the story, Kingsley? I’m asking because one year is a long time to stay waiting for a babe to consider you.

Kingsley: Well… yes. There were other women. 

Ada: Ashawo!

Kingsley: LMAO. I wasn’t committed to any of them though. I was just a young man enjoying himself. Ada was the goal for me and the other babes were just a distraction. My initial thought was to add her to this list of other women, but as time went on and our friendship grew, I began to see her as a wife and consider a future with her.

But did these other ladies know they were just “distractions”?

Kingsley: They knew I was not ready for anything serious. My last relationship was in 2009, and the serious pepper that entered my eye ehn. Let’s just thank God for life. 

But Ada was different from the rest. She was calm and collected, and she has small skoin-skoin when provoked. The friendship proved all this to me.

Ada: And then we had sex. 

Platonic friendship in the mud. 

Ada: See! Anyway, I guess the sex took us from a friendship into a relationship. One day, he took me to an isi-ewu joint and said he just wanted us to talk. In my mind, I was like, “Hian. Talk wetin?”

Anyway, we got there and he started this serious talk of how he really needed me in his life, how he has had peace the few times we have been together, and all those long stories. Me I just sat there thinking, “Shey nor be the sex dey make this one dey yarn dust.”

Kingsley: See your big head. This woman just sat there rolling her eyes while I was giving my heartfelt speech. 

Ada: He kuku asked me to fix a date so he could meet my parents. I did, and they met. 

Wow. So you people didn’t do boyfriend/girlfriend stage. It was just friendship, mekwe and meeting parents?

Kingsley: Delay is dangerous, my guy. Time is of the essence.

Ada: When he came to meet my parents, I left him in the living room to face all the interviews alone. When they were done with him, they called me in and started advising us as a couple. The advice was so intense I had to wonder if my father had already collected my bride price. 

I got the whole package: “Don’t allow a third party in your home”; “Settle your quarrels”; “Avoid harsh words.” Ah, Daddy! Mummy! Won’t you ask first ask me if I wanted to marry him?

Kingsley: They saw the spec in me, dear. 

Ada: I met his own family too. His dad is late, but his mum showered me with prayers and blessings. Next thing, introduction of families and then marriage date was fixed. Both the family meeting and the introduction happened in December. By January, we had our court wedding. It was almost as if he did not want me to say I had changed my mind. 

I’m screaming. Was there ever an official proposal?

Ada: Hell no. Oga, you need to propose oh. I know we are married, but please. 

Kingsley: Marry me again, my love. See, my knees are bent. 

Ada: Ogbeni, shift abeg.

LMAO. How has married life been? 

Kingsley: Blissful. 

Ada: It’s been very beautiful. We are not perfect, but we are doing good at it.

How would you say marriage has changed you both? 

Kingsley: For me, not so much. But I think it has made me pay more attention to the “serious” things in life. How the world works, for example. Marriage forces you to sit up and sit right. You suddenly become responsible. 

I still have my guys around, but I can no longer spend as recklessly as I used to, because now, there is a need to do one or more things for the home. Also, I’m now thinking of a future with children, and that requires planning. The end result is that I have tripled my hustle. 

Ada: I totally agree with this. I don’t have that many friends, so my circle is still intact. Marriage has made me frugal with finances. When I was single, wetin concern me with planning for a child? Me that I have chicken and chips with smoothie to eat. But now, I find myself wanting to hustle more so I can maintain my old lifestyle and still afford the new one. Marriage is a lot of responsibility. 

What’s the best part about being married to each other?

Ada: Kingsley cracks me up all the time. Sometimes even, it can be annoying. He is gentle, peaceful and peace-loving. An all round sweet soul. I like how fervent his love for God is. He is quite the prayerful husband. He listens to me, he respects me, and he has the purest heart. 

Kingsley: Dry cleaner! Wash me, baby. Ada is a sweet girl! She is soft spoken, and she gives the best advice. And her sense of humour is unmatched.

Are there things you would love to change about each other?

Kingsley: Yes oh! When she is angry, she won’t say anything until she is calm inside and sometimes, that could take a whole day and I would be guessing what the problem is. There’s been improvement though.

Ada: My own is simple. When he is out with the boys and he says he would be back by 11 p.m., that 11 p.m. should be 11 p.m. I know beer and gist is sweet, but I also need to know if I should sleep and wake up later to open the door. 

Kingsley: I’m sorry ma.

LMAO. Have you ever had any fights? 

Ada: Just one major fight. And it was for the craziest reason, because na me cause the fight.

Kingsley: Oya, start confessing your sins. 

Ada: It was about food. I was hungry and asked him to get some ingredients since he said he was on his way back home. I did not know uncle had not left where he was. Two hours passed, I nor see ingredients, I nor see uncle. I was so angry, I went out and got the items myself. I was already cooking when he came with the ingredients and was apologizing. Omo! My anger was already angered. 

How did you resolve that? 

Ada: He kept apologising, and I had no other choice to forgive him. For other issues, we are using communication as the healing balm. We try not to go to bed with pending issues.

Kingsley: And it works every time.

How would rate the relationship on a scale of 1 to 10?

Kingsley: It’s a 10 for me.

Ada: 10 for me too. We have made it this far, and it’s been the most beautiful thing ever.

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