Keeping up with Nigerian pop culture is hard, no matter how old you are. But for the 30+ community trying to blend in with the youngins, all the new slang, artistes, and concepts can be stressful to navigate.
If you’re 30+ and ready to finesse kids on Blue Ivy’s internet (Blue Ivy is Beyonce’s daughter, by the way), this article is for you.
Fireboy and Joeboy are two different boys
These two blew up the same year, have dreadlocks and similar names, so I can’t blame you for the confusion. Why didn’t one of them change the “Boy” in their name to “Man”?
Music videos don’t always have to match their songs
Remember when P-Square sang Busy Body, a club song, in an actual club?
Or the time Styl Plus sang about a buka and created an animated one because the real Iya Basira was still looking for them?
Things have changed for the new generation because music videos these days rarely match the song they’ve been shot for. A forest, masquerades and floral canoes don’t exactly come to mind when you hear a song called Party No Dey Stop. But here we are.
Let’s explain what it means to be a baddie, simp or toxic
Keeping up with internet lingo is so hard we had to create a Twitter dictionary for the masses. But since we didn’t cover “Baddie”, “Simp” or “Toxic”, I’m here to give a quick extramural class.
Baddie is derived from “Bad bitch”. It describes anyone whose fashion, looks, and energy is always on point. Like the legendary philosopher Ice Spice once said, “She a baddie, she know she a ten”. But while baddie is mostly used for women, it’s totally gender-neutral. Men can be baddies too. Ask Drake.
You know when you like someone and all rational thoughts exit your brain and you start acting like a mumu? Yes, that’s what it means to be a simp. Simp is a noun and a verb (I stan a multipurpose queen), so you could be a simp or be caught simping over someone who probably saved your number as “Don’t answer, Ikeja.”
Finally, toxic on the internet and in real life aren’t that different. People could either be toxic or have toxic energy, meaning they have bad vibes through and through. These people are usually on the wrong side of every conversation or wicked for no good reason. Avoid toxic people like Nigerian politicians avoid EFCC.
Alté isn’t just a genre of music, it’s a lifestyle
I know the last time you attended an alté class in 2018, they told you it was a new genre of music coined from the word “Alternative”. Well, things have changed because alté is pretty much a lifestyle now. From how people dress (very individualistic and Y2K-inspired) to how they pose for pictures. You could literally look at someone and say, “This person is very alté”, and it doesn’t always mean they’re making alté music.
These are the correct lyrics to that “Jonah Paran Ran” song
This tweet lives rent-free in my head, and honestly, I can’t blame the person — Nigerian lyrics are getting more complicated by the day. Do you know how many words Rema has made up between 2019 and 2023?
Anyway, the song’s title is Ijo (Laba Laba), and it’s by Mavin Records singer, Crayon.
Happy to be of service.
Why is every song on TikTok five times faster than the actual song?
You see the patience the older generation had when they listened to six-minute songs? This new TikTok generation doesn’t have that time.
Our songs are always around the two-minute mark, and even that’s too long, hence the creation of 30-second sped-up songs. Our attention span has reached an all-time low, and with millions of videos uploaded daily on TikTok, no one has time for songs at their original tempo. Keep it moving.
This is not a belt, it’s a skirt, and we have proof
I know what you’re thinking: How does this work as a skirt? I’ll leave this part to Ayra Starr because if there’s one thing sabi girl has taught us, it’s that length is a function of your mind.
These are the faces that’ll determine if a Nollywood movie will slap or not
Seeing Genevieve Nnaji and Emeka Ike on a Nollywood poster back in the day meant one of two things: It’s either Genevieve was the bad campus girl Emeka was trying to tame or she was the girl Emeka was willing to fight Ernest Obi for. But one thing was certain, these faces meant the film would bang.
So who should you look out for now that all your fave old Nollywood actors have become directors, producers and influencers? Let me help you.
Tobi Bakre — Gangs of Lagos and Brotherhood
Genovevah Umeh — Blood Sisters and Far From Home
Bimbo Ademoye — Anikulapo and Sugar Rush
Efa Iwara — This Lady Called Life and King of Boys: Return of the King
Baggy jeans are back—in fact, we’re just copying and pasting looks from the 1990s and 2000s
I hope you didn’t throw all your Phat Farm and FUBU jeans away because trust me when I tell you they’re now hot cake on the fashion scene. The new generation of street-style lovers are simply adding a little razzle dazzle to the looks you grew up seeing in music videos on Channel O back in the day. Fashion is more or less a remix at this point with a new rap verse.
Vic O and Speed Darlington are not the same, please
I will not stand for anyone comparing or mistaking two legends for one another. Vic O walked so that Speed Darlington could run. He’s the rapper responsible for ending Drake and Meek Mill’s beef in 2018 with this banger.
Meanwhile, Speed Darlington is more famous for his online videos that blur the line between skit and reality. He’s also a rapper in his spare time.