How To Collect Your Money From An Onigbese

April 6, 2021

Do you have someone owing you money and they have refused to pay? They may also be dodging your calls and flexing on social media? Well, desperate times call for desperate measures so follow this guide to collect your money from all the onigbeses in your life.

1) Take their matter to the mountain

Have you never heard of praying for your enemies? Sometimes, you need to take their full name to the church and pray.

2) Pretend to be a delivery person

When the onigbese in question starts avoiding your calls and is always “out”, you need to get a new number and pretend to be a delivery person. Tell them that anon has paid for something and they need to collect it. On the day of the delivery, bundle them. Sometimes, you need to show people they call you “Scorpion” on the streets.

3) Print wanted posters.

Take one of their pictures and caption it “Wanted, debtor. If found, please return.” Include your social media handle. Some people only know how to respond to disgrace.

4) If they are Christians, give testimony in their church

If you know the church they attend, this is perfect. The Sunday they are in church, agree to give a testimony. Say that you had a dream where the Lord revealed to you that all your debtors who have refused to pay before a certain period of time will fall down and die. After you give the testimony, leave the church. The Onigbese involved will be the one to contact you.

5) Put them up for sale

Please, you won’t actually sell them, but you will advertise them. By the time they see their face circulating all over Instagram and Twitter as “Debtor for sale”, they will pay. Quickly.

6) Drag them like small generator

No pity, no remorse. Just be casting them every day on social media. You can even create an account called “countdown till x pays me back my money”. The problem is that some of these people do not have an iota of shame.

7) Collect a loan and use them as a guarantor

Collect a loan equals to the amount they owe you from a notorious loan shark, and use them as your guarantor. Then, travel out of the country. The loan shark will find them and collect their money back.

8) Fake your death and haunt them

Pretend to die, and ask your family to try collecting the money on your behalf. If the onigbese in question still does not agree, then it is time to wear white cloth, rub dusting powder and haunt them. Go to their house, call their name three times, and ask them to pay you back or they die. Sometimes, you need to instil fear into their hearts. Just make sure the debtor does not see you coming down from an okada on your way to haunt them.


If any of these work and you eventually collect your money, please donate some to us. Thank you

QUIZ: ARE YOU AN ONIGBESE

Click here to find out if you ate the Onigbese people are coming for

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 9, 2020

What is the first thing you ever did for money?  Haha. Farming. The first thing I did was farming.  Do you remember the first money you made from farming? I farmed about three plots of land and harvested two bags of rice and sold it for no more than ₦4,000. This was around 2008, and […]

March 17, 2021

As a social media manager, you’re the reason why people know about a brand. You go out of your way to create schedules and engaging /creative content that keep people coming back to the page. Some are funny and know how to read the room, but some cough A*sos cough don’t. Anyways, here are some […]

December 25, 2020

Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing. As we anticipate the 100th episode of the Nairalife series, here are 10 must-read episodes from the series: 1) The Firstborn Who’s Playing Breadwinner […]

December 26, 2019

2020 is almost here, and we know you already have big plans for the year. One of those plans has to include making more money, so we’ve created a quiz that lets you know when in the upcoming year you’ll make your first million naira. Take to find out:

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 26, 2022

Black don’t crack, black don’t crack but they won’t tell you all the things they do a maintain that gorgeousness. Because we are so generous so we compiled a list of health care tips for 30+ women.

Recommended Quizzes

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

More from Money

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X