• Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.


    Nairalife #314 bio

    When did you first realise the importance of money?

    That has to be when I was in JSS 3. I stole ₦500 from my dad’s bedroom drawer and used the money to show off at school. I bought ₦50 yoghurt drinks for my two seat mates, and everyone in class suddenly wanted to be my friend. 

    I already knew money was necessary to buy things, but I didn’t realise it could change how people saw you until this incident. The by-force friendship was short-lived because my dad noticed the missing money and made sure I was punished in front of the entire school. It destroyed my hard-earned street credibility.

    I’m wheezing. Speaking of, what was money like growing up?

    We didn’t have a lot of money. My dad was a civil servant and my mum was a teacher at a private school. I have three siblings, and we all lived in my dad’s uncompleted one-bedroom house. My dad had gathered money to build the house and once it was slightly livable, he bundled us all there so he wouldn’t have to pay rent anymore. 

    That house remained unfinished until I entered the university. I never brought my friends home because I was ashamed of the muddy floor and rusted iron roof. Now that I’m older, I know my dad was just making do with what he had.

    I also didn’t like how I couldn’t get the things my friends had. I schooled at the private secondary school my mum taught at, and I always compared myself to the students who wore new uniforms and bought snacks at school. My own school uniform was what we called “Bo n’ fo” — my trousers were always smaller and rested above my ankles.

    I was always aware we didn’t have much money, and I wanted money so much. 

    What did you do about this “want”?

    As a child, I mostly satisfied my wants by stealing. I’m not proud of it, though. I was a regular customer of my dad’s belt, his favourite discipline tool. But it was no match for my desire to just be like other kids.

    After I graduated from secondary school in 2010, I taught at a primary school for ₦6k/month and was there for almost two years. I’d already mentally accepted that I wouldn’t go to the university anytime soon. My elder brother was at university then, and my parents couldn’t afford to put both of us through school at the same time. So, I figured uni would only happen if I gathered enough money. 

    Fortunately, an elder in church took an interest in me and offered to pay my tuition for the first two years of university. That’s how I got into the university in 2013. 

    How did you survive in uni?

    For the first two years, it was a mix of relying on my benefactor’s kindness and whatever allowance I could get from home. My benefactor gave me ₦10k – ₦15k every two months, and my mum assisted me with foodstuff. 

    When I got into 300 level in 2016, my benefactor told me he couldn’t pay my tuition anymore. Although he’d made it clear he’d only pay for two years from the beginning, I was still shocked. I didn’t think he’d just leave me like that. How was I supposed to sponsor myself without help?

    I met with another big man in church and told him my situation, hoping he’d help me too. But the man told me to come and work in his plastic company.

    What was the job?

    The supervisor just put me in the factory and tasked me with packing the raw materials and loading the products into buses. My salary was ₦15k/week.

    I worked there for two months. 

    Oh. Why?

    It was stressful, and I couldn’t keep up with showing up at the factory every day after classes. I had no source of income for the rest of 300 level, so I started serial borrowing. I was taking loans from people to pay off other loans.

    I mostly asked for loans from church members. I was the church drummer, so people knew me. I’d ask a fellow church worker or the mothers. I had more luck with the mothers.

    My loan requests were often school-related, like handout needs. Others were urgent ₦2k asks for food. I didn’t pay back all the loans because it was really hard to keep track. Some of my creditors didn’t even bother to ask for their money back. I only repaid people who disturbed me for their money.

    I see. Didn’t this affect your relationship with those who didn’t get their money back?

    Some acted somehow when I reached out for help again while I still owed them. Others said they didn’t have money after the second time I borrowed money from them. But I always tried to explain my situation and plead for patience. 

    To be honest, there wasn’t much I could’ve done. If I’d known my benefactor was serious about not supporting me beyond the first two years, I’d have rejected the admission. But I was already in school and had already invested too much energy to drop out.

    Did you try any other way to make money?

    Yes. During my final year, I started taking brand activation gigs during the weekends. I’d follow FMCG distribution buses to market their products to retailers and set up market shows to drive visibility and sales. I made between ₦5k and ₦8k per gig.

    I also took on a few drumming gigs at other churches’ events on Saturdays. The churches sorted out my transport fare and a plate of food. I’d have made good money if I drummed on Sundays, but I couldn’t leave my church. 

    In August 2017, one of the women in church whom I’d told about my financial situation suggested starting a business. She gave me ₦50k, and I started selling polo t-shirts in school.

    How did that go?

    It went well at first. I made a ₦1500 profit on each t-shirt and sold up to six weekly. The money from the business came in handy when I was writing my project. But customers started owing me, so I took out loans to restock.

    I borrowed ₦30k from one guy. When it was time to pay back, I started avoiding him because I didn’t have money. One day, the guy broke into my hostel room, packed my t-shirts, and texted me to inform me he’d taken them as I hadn’t paid him back. 

    The goods he took were worth ₦40k, but I didn’t drag it with him. Some guys told me he was friends with cultists, so I left him for God. Thankfully, this happened around the time I graduated from uni in 2018. 

    What did you do after uni?

    I spent my service year teaching at a private secondary school. My monthly income was ₦29,800: The school principal paid me ₦10k/month and my NYSC stipend was ₦19,800. Service year was good, actually. 

    The school accommodated me, so I spent money only on food and going out. Sometimes, I sent money home to my mum. I even finished my service year with ₦80k in my savings. This was 2019.

    But COVID lockdown happened. I didn’t have any income source, so I finished my savings in months. Then, I moved to the loan apps.

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    That doesn’t sound good

    Those loan apps showed me shege. Maybe it’s even my fault. I knew I had nowhere to get money from, but I kept borrowing money from the apps. Of course, I defaulted a lot. The loan agents would call and call, and send threats when I refused to pick up. 

    One time, they sent my obituary announcement to my mum and told her she’d bury her son if he didn’t pay his debt.

    Ah

    My mum called me in a panic but I convinced her they were scammers. My biggest learning here was to stop dropping my mum’s number when applying for loans. I even deleted her number from my phone because I heard the loan companies can access your contact list.

    Looking back, I’m not sure how I survived 2020. I just survived. When church resumed in 2021, I returned to asking people for help and money. Some sent me job vacancies, which I applied for, but nothing came out of them. Finally, my pastor offered me a role as an admin officer at the church. That’s still my job today. 

    What’s the pay like?

    It was ₦50k/month when I joined in 2021, then it increased to ₦80k in 2023. I haven’t gotten a raise since. My rent is ₦240k/year but the church pays half. 

    My major responsibilities are feeding, rent and occasionally sending small money home to my parents and siblings. The thing is, ₦80k hardly covers that, and I often feel I should earn more. The church has really tried for me, but the work doesn’t match the money.

    I handle everything from organising programs and outreaches to working as the pastor’s personal assistant. But I can’t even complain because they’re paying my rent.

    Is there an ideal amount you think you should be earning?

    ₦200k isn’t bad. I’m still single so that should comfortably meet my needs. I know it’s not an impossible thing for God to do. I’ve seen Him do bigger miracles for other people. Maybe if I earned up to ₦200k, I wouldn’t still be taking loans as much as I do.

    You still take loans?

    I never stopped. However, I’ve tried to reduce my borrowing from loan apps because their interest and wahala are too much. I borrow more from people as I can still explain the cause of any delay in repayment. Also, no one is threatening my life if I cannot pay back. I don’t think it’s possible to survive in Nigeria without borrowing money from people. 

    How often do you take loans these days?

    At least twice a month. Once I receive my salary, at least ₦15k goes into repaying one loan or the other. Then, after removing feeding and transportation costs and a few personal expenses, I’m broke by the second week. That’s when I start borrowing. 

    I turn to church friends, coworkers, and old school friends for ₦20k – ₦30k loans. Most of the time, I don’t get the full amount from one person — it’s ₦5k here, ₦10k there, and so on. I turn to loan apps only when I can’t find people to loan me money. 

    Does that happen often? Not finding people willing to lend you money?

    It happens quite a lot. I know people in church already call me a chronic onigbese, and some of them avoid me because of that. I don’t mind the name-calling because I know I’m not in the right, but my financial situation is beyond me.

    I have a roster of multiple people I’m supposed to pay back, but I can’t remember every single person I owe. I don’t pick calls from strange numbers anymore because it’s most likely someone calling me for their money. 

    Being in this constant debt cycle is exhausting. I don’t derive pleasure from holding people’s money, but I almost always have to borrow more money to settle a creditor, and the cycle never stops. 

    A recent example is a chorister I borrowed ₦100k from in October 2024 to meet up with rent. She really disturbed me to pay back and even reported me to the pastor. We eventually settled on a ₦20k/month repayment plan. 

    I will have to borrow more to meet that. There’s no way I can remove ₦20k from an already insufficient ₦80k salary and not die. I still owe three different loan apps about ₦175k. I can’t pay those ones anytime soon. 

    Can you break down what your typical month in expenses looks like?

    Nairalife #314 monthly expenses

    Sometimes, I try to save ₦10k/month for rent, but I spend it by the second or third week. Either I don’t make good financial decisions or Nigeria has just become too expensive.

    How would you describe your relationship with money?

    It feels like I’m not making progress financially. I constantly need money for something, and the need never ends. I also acknowledge I have a borrowing problem. The people are right; I’m an onigbese and maybe I need to own it so I can focus on solutions. 

    I need help and advice. I want suggestions on what people think I should do to recover from constant borrowing. I know earning more money will play a big role, but what do I do in the meantime? I may be unable to cancel debts permanently, but at least it can be reduced to once in a few months.

    Is there anything you want right now but can’t afford?

    A relationship. I’ve not had much luck in love because of my financial situation, but I’m tired of being alone. But I can’t do anything about that for the next few years sha — at least until God sends me a helper to change my story or I find a better-paying job.

    How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    3. As I said, I feel like I’m not making financial progress. I get depressed when I think about it, but I’m trusting God for a positive change soon.


    If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.

    Find all the past Naira Life stories here.

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  • As a chronic, unapologetic onigbese, does shame not visit you?

    We’ve told everyone, your partner and debtees, what to do when you refuse to pay back your debts. Obviously, that hasn’t worked, so sit down and let us advise YOU on what to do when you’ve been stung by the bug of onigbese-ism.

    Break coconut on your head

    You’ve refused to pay back the money you owe, so obviously, you have a coconut head. We suggest you go head to head with an actual coconut and hope the impact will reset your brain and nerve endings, and you’ll do what’s right.

    PS: If you land in the hospital and you call our name, we’ll deny you like newly elected politicians deny their wicked godfathers.

    Wash your head with coconut water

    After the much-needed factory reset, this’ll cleanse you of all rubbish behaviour, like holding on to people’s hard-earned money simply because you can.

    Print “onigbese” on a t-shirt and make it your uniform

    Since you can’t stop kidnapping people’s money, buy a plain T-shirt, print “I’m an onigbese” on it, and wear it around town. That way, people already know you can’t be trusted, and the next time people want to get into business with you or you ask for a loan, they’ll know what they’re getting into and flee.

    Find shame

    It’s public knowledge that you can’t shame the shameless, and there’s no one as shameless as an onigbese. But please, find shame so when people start dragging your name and everything you hold dear through the mud, you can feel it and finally pay them.

    Beg for forgiveness 

    Make a list of all the people you owe and how much you owe them, and go on an apology tour. Just make sure you take their money with you before they drag you to Kirikiri for wasting their time.

    Beg the police to arrest you

    Take yourself to the nearest police station and beg them to put you in handcuffs and drag you into a cell. If you’re in the cell, you won’t see the people you’re currently owing money or anyone new to owe. And hopefully, when you come out, the fear of all you endured in the cell will lead you down the right path, one that isn’t filled with debt, shame and embarrassment.

    Disappear

    We know you. You’re probably not going to do anything we’ve said. Just pack your bags, leave the country, make sure you lay low for the rest of your life and tell your children to get ready to break generational curses. This is because the people you’re owing will swear for you, and at least one will work.

  • Memes come in very handy when you are tired of using words to threaten your onigbese. You need to let them be able to visualize how you really feel about their actions and help them feel some shame. Here are some memes you can send to your shameless debtor.

    1. Rendered speechless.

    Because you are in utter disgust and disbelief that they can continue living life and enjoying themselves while owing you money. They clearly have no shame, they are still going around shining teeth. This meme will help them know you are truly speechless that an onigbese can continue enjoying life.

    2. ‘I’ll be your nightmare’.

    This meme is definitely going to scare that onigbese, they need to know they’ll soon start seeing you in their dreams if they don’t pay soon enough. 

    3. Laughing mysteriously.

    Any debtor that doesn’t tremble at the sight of this meme is a superior debtor and should be treated like a criminal. A woman holding a gun and laughing doesn’t seem like a woman that should be messed with. 

    4. ‘Confused, annoyed, but maintaining beauty’

    Again, you need them to know that you are confused and irritated by their guts. The fact that they continue to live like they are not owing you a lot of money is displeasing you and your homegirls. 

    5. ‘Perceives disrespect’.

    Send this meme to them every day. Let them know that owing you money is the highest height of disrespect and you can no longer tolerate such.

    6. ‘I am not the one you should mess with’.

    You don’t need to add any commentary when you send this meme. Send it to them and put it on your WhatsApp status, or any of your stories that they can view. There’s no onigbese that won’t be afraid of this meme.

    7. ‘Building irritation’

    This meme perfectly sums up how you feel about being owed money for a long time. A shameless onigbese is an irritating person and should be well aware of it. 

    8. ‘Trouble has arisen’

    You were kuku on your own when they brought their two left legs to borrow money from you. Now it’s time to pay up they are doing shakara for you. You need to send them this meme so they can know that trouble has really arisen.

    9. ‘Are you not tired of owing me money?’

    This meme is really humble. Only send it when you are genuinely confused and shocked that they have still not paid you your money. This is the meme you send to an employer that has refused to pay you after many months of working with them.

    10. ‘How could I do such a mistake’

    Only send this meme to your shameless debtor when you need them to know how disappointed you are in them.

  • Do you have someone owing you money and they have refused to pay? They may also be dodging your calls and flexing on social media? Well, desperate times call for desperate measures so follow this guide to collect your money from all the onigbeses in your life.

    Hint: An onigbese is someone who’s owning your money.

    1) Take their matter to the mountain

    Have you never heard of praying for your enemies? Sometimes, you need to take their full name to the church and pray.

    2) Pretend to be a delivery person

    When the onigbese in question starts avoiding your calls and is always “out”, you need to get a new number and pretend to be a delivery person. Tell them that anon has paid for something and they need to collect it. On the day of the delivery, bundle them. Sometimes, you need to show people they call you “Scorpion” on the streets.

    3) Print wanted posters.

    Take one of their pictures and caption it “Wanted, debtor. If found, please return.” Include your social media handle. Some people only know how to respond to disgrace.

    4) If they are Christians, give testimony in their church

    If you know the church they attend, this is perfect. The Sunday they are in church, agree to give a testimony. Say that you had a dream where the Lord revealed to you that all your debtors who have refused to pay before a certain period of time will fall down and die. After you give the testimony, leave the church. The Onigbese involved will be the one to contact you.

    5) Put them up for sale

    Please, you won’t actually sell them, but you will advertise them. By the time they see their face circulating all over Instagram and Twitter as “Debtor for sale”, they will pay. Quickly.

    6) Drag them like small generator

    No pity, no remorse. Just be casting them every day on social media. You can even create an account called “countdown till x pays me back my money”. The problem is that some of these people do not have an iota of shame.

    7) Collect a loan and use them as a guarantor

    Collect a loan equals to the amount they owe you from a notorious loan shark, and use them as your guarantor. Then, travel out of the country. The loan shark will find them and collect their money back.

    8) Fake your death and haunt them

    Pretend to die, and ask your family to try collecting the money on your behalf. If the onigbese in question still does not agree, then it is time to wear white cloth, rub dusting powder and haunt them. Go to their house, call their name three times, and ask them to pay you back or they die. Sometimes, you need to instil fear into their hearts. Just make sure the debtor does not see you coming down from an okada on your way to haunt them.


    If any of these work and you eventually collect your money, please donate some to us. Thank you

    QUIZ: ARE YOU AN ONIGBESE

    Click here to find out if you ate the Onigbese people are coming for

  • People owing you money are some of the hardest people to catch in this life, right after the people on FBI’s most-wanted list. These people can dodge so hard, even you will start to doubt if they truly exist. 

    If you’re sharp, there are ways you can catch them.

    1. Show up at their house by 4 am

    They can’t escape anywhere.

    2. Hide in the boot of their car

    Let them take you to their office so that you can collect your money directly from their salary.

    3. Stalk them when they are going to the ATM

    Just collect all the money they withdraw.

    4. Steal all their clothes from the washing line

    If they want their clothes back, they should pay you your money

    5. Catfish them

    Enhee

    Then catch them on the first date. Money at first sight.

    6. Call them with a different number to tell them they’ve won promo

    Comedy Skit - Brother Shaggy, has a girl ever toasted you before.

    Then hold their trouser when they come to redeem the prize.

    Quick. Go read 5 Crazy Emotions You Feel When You Receive A Bank Alert.

  • Never lend a Nigerian an amount that would kill you to part with, because no one has ‘Onigbese’ written on their head. So, to help you move on, here are 15 signs that you are never seeing that money again.

    1. When you call to ask for your money and they’re like:

    Hay God! On top my own money?

    2. When they completely stop updating on social media.

    If you like delete all your accounts.

    3. When they start using God to swear.

    Don’t let God punish you.

    4. Onigbeses and “I didn’t see your missed call”

    Ode, how will you see?

    5. When they start acting brand new.

    You call them and they’ll be like, “Is there a problem?”

    6. When they always find a way to imply that they’re broke when they see you.

    Na so.

    7. When they ask if they can pay you in installments.

    5k now, 3k later, 2k on your death bed.

    8. When you message them on WhatsApp and they leave you on:

    See my life.

    9. When you ask them if they saw your message.

    Don’t let me swear for you.

    10. When they start telling you about money that will soon enter their account.

    I’ve heard you.

    11. Whenever they see you in public.

    See this one.

    12. When they start telling you about their family problems.

    Is that what I asked you?

    13. When they text you an epistle everytime you remind them about the money.

    Is this one mad?

    14. When they start reminding you of all the things they’ve done for you in the past.

    “Remember that time I bought you Tampico in JSS 2.”

    15. When they finally block you everywhere.

    Somebody wants to die.