What if I said you could be in your 20s, but deep down, you’re a 40+ man? To allow this math to math properly in your brain, I’ve researched and come up with a list of activities that are synonymous with 40+ men. If you do at least three of these things, maybe it’s time to start being intentional about your pension.
If playing tennis on a Saturday morning is your idea of relaxing or getting a good workout, then I hate to break it to you, but you’re a 40+ man. Unless your name is Roger Federer, there’s no excuse for this grandpa behaviour. I bet you wear all white and scream, “Thank you, Lord”, after each serve.
Watch movie marathons on AfMag Yoruba, Igbo or Family
Please, don’t deny it; you live for those moments on Saturday when you can finally catch up on all your favourite Nollywood movies on Africa Magic. You open a bottle of beer, grab some chin-chin or fried fish and watch for the first 20 minutes before dozing off. If we do some extra digging, there’s a high chance you’re still following Tinsel.
Go to church committee meetings
Your youth evaporates from your body the moment you start willingly attending weekend meetings to plan bazaars, harvests and revivals. This is the first step in the religious 40+ ladder. Before you know it, you’re staying behind for small meetings after Sunday service, and the real youths are calling you Daddy Shola even though you have no offspring of your own.
Read the newspaper
You buy an actual newspaper made out of… paper? Wow. What happened to Google news updates or any form of online media? As if that’s not enough, you still spend hours solving the crossword puzzles in them. Don’t deny nature; you’re an older man on the inside.
Go to any place with “Country Club” in its name
You know you’re officially 40+ when you start swapping night clubs for daytime trips to country clubs to receive fresh air, eat suya and drink beer. Your bones can’t handle the gragra of partying all night, but you don’t want to leave the “club” scene, so you make a compromise. We see you, Daddy.
Update your Facebook photo albums
You’re still on Facebook? We don’t even have to get into this. You’re already old, Sir. Can I get you some Aboniki for your joints?
Fight with your carpenter, electrician or plumber
Fighting with your mechanic or tailor is fine; we all do that. But the moment you graduate to the carpenter, electrician and plumber, then omo, you’re really invested in your surroundings. People say, “With age comes more responsibility”, and supervising Tiamiyu while he checks the pipe in the guest bathroom is the responsibility they’re referring to.
Compose WhatsApp BCs
Sending out BCs and spreading misinformation are signs you’re crossing over into the 30+ lane. But trust me, the moment you start composing your own BCs days before you drop them like a surprise Beyoncé album, then my good sir, you’ve left 30+ behind and should be hanging out with RMD, Frank Edoho and Femi Otedola.
Watch the news
It’s one thing to check the news online, but sitting in front of the TV all weekend to watch CNN and Al-Jazeera is a bit extra. Think about it, the only thing that differentiates you from your dad is that his own is NTA news with Eugenia Abu and Cyril Stober.
Rest? The young and agile don’t know that word. What we know is, “We go again”. Why are you resting on the weekend like you carried cement throughout the week? Like Saro in Anikulapo will say, “Gbera di de!”