If you’ve ever been to a club anywhere in Nigeria, we bet you must have seen all these people. They are always there trust us.

1. The People Begging The Bouncer To Enter

They never want to pay to enter, once they are outside the club “Dj consequence baby, me and my twelve friends are trying to get in the club. Could you come get us?”

2. The People That Skip Lines

These are the main people/squads in town, they know everyone. What is a line? The bouncers have been settled well before their arrival.

3. The Ones That Greet Everybody

They are in the club to say “how far” to every single person in the club. Nothing else. “HAYYY MY GUY HOW FAR NOW?”

4. The Perchers

Buy your own drinks? No. Buy your own hookah? No. Buy your own bottles? No. Perch on someone’s table? Snapchat with someone’s bottles/drinks? Beg for hookah pipe? All Yes!

5. The Happening Squad

They are always in one corner of the club doing their own thing hailing each other.

6. The DJ Khaleds

Their motto is if it wasn’t on snapchat, it did not happen. Everything. Goes. On. It.

7. The Crew

Yeah, you guessed right. You can’t sit or stand with them.

8. The Bottle Poppers

These are the siren and fireworks people. If they don’t blow the siren for them about ten times, they haven’t gone to the club. Stress.

9. The Single Ladies Squad

They have their own section, table, bottles etc. They came to show off. No do not try to talk to them. They also came to snub every single male advance.

10. The Hunters

“Excuse me lady, can I speak to you for a moment”. All the time this is their favorite line. No chill always thirsty. Uncle enjoy the music small too now.

11. The Photoshoot Models

They are always ready for every photo. Every and any. You can’t catch them looking bad in any of the 1000 photos taken at the club.

12. The Chimneys

Cigarettes, hookah and any other thing. They never hesitate to be an exhaust pipe in your face. Okay thank you carry your lung cancer and shift.

13. The Dance Competition People

They are here for a Dance Off. If you aren’t careful you might lose a tooth dancing close to them. They are probably using it to make up for not going to the gym earlier,

14. The Phone Addicts

These set of people never take their eyes of their phones at any point. They should have just brought their chargers and WiFi devices and a bed so we know they are for real,

15. The Big Daddies

These are the older generation, they are always at some section of the doing the point-and-kill. “Heyss see that babe over there call her for me”.

16. The horrible dressers

These people come to the club trying to impress everyone but… They should have just stayed home.

17. The ones who don’t know what they are doing neither do we

See, we too we don’t understand.



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