There’s an unmissably distinct pain you feel somewhere between your throat and chest when someone embarrasses you on FIFA. It’s like they’re stripping away your dignity. Even when you’re just playing casually indoors, it hurts, talkless of when you’re playing competitively in public where everyone can laugh at you. 

If someone you consider a friend brushes you very badly on FIFA, you absolutely have to do everything on this list.

Just start fighting him

Right there and then, the fight has to happen. Once the score margin passes five goals, just drop your pad and look for the nearest bottle to break on his head. A real friend doesn’t subject his friend to public ridicule. That man is your enemy, and you must treat him as such.

Sleep with his babe

You came to Zikoko for advice and didn’t think you’d see this? You’re a joker. “Revenge is best served with strokes in the bedroom”, or whatever Mary Slessor said. The number of rounds you should go is the number of times he beat you. 

Steal his console

Shebi it’s because he has time to be playing games all the time, that’s why he knows all the buttons to press. No problem. That his PS5, steal it and sell it to someone in Computer Village.

Insult his father

No time for petty nonsense. No time for, “Bro, why did you beat me like that now?” Over your dead body. Go straight for the jugular. If his father is dead, even better. “You dey win for FIFA? No problem. At least, I still get papa.” This one might even lead to the fight. We love it. 

Be like this guy’s friend.

Also read: Nigerian Men Need to Come Out and Explain These Hilarious Dark Jokes

Send videos of him smoking to his mother

Somebody took his time to embarrass you like this, and you think destroying his relationship with his family is going too far? Nope. That way, his mother will love you even more. 

Give excuses

“My eye was closing by itself”. “The controller is bad”. “My dog just died”. Anything. Just give excuses. You can’t go down like that. 

Hear us out… Just get good

Practice makes perfect. Just keep letting them pipe you. That’s how you get good. 

To avoid embarrassment here’s How to Know When Someone Is About to Disgrace You on FIFA


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