How To Prevent Your Neighbours From Knowing You Fornicate

November 5, 2020

We’ve all been there, at some point. (Yes, I’m judging you.) Sometimes, we get carried away with enjoyment that we forget there are neighbours around the house that can hear you crying unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith. They might be even more confused when they start hearing “Daddy, please.”

I digress.

Anyway, your neighbours don’t have to know what you’re putting someone’s daughter through, so because Zikoko always has your back, we put together this very useful guide to making your room soundproof, before the neighbours call the police because somebody is dying.

1. Close your windows oh

Why are you even pounding somebody’s child with your windows open? Invest in an air conditioner and close those damn windows.

window draw stock photos - OFFSET

2. Thick curtains are your friends

The thicker the curtains, the better. Curtains are great at soundproofing rooms because the cloth absorbs sounds and prevent it from escaping.

Man Use Both Hands and Stok Videosu (%100 Telifsiz) 34027876 | Shutterstock

3. Bookshelves? Great.

If you have thin walls, a large bookshelf can help absorb most of the sounds and prevent it from escaping to the curious ears of your amebo neighbours. Plus you now have a nice library to read from when you’re not…busy.

4. Try to be quiet

I need you to ask yourself. Why are you shouting? Are they beating you? Be considerate to the neighbours. Some of them have not seen any action since 2017.

Black African woman with hands over mouth – Cariblens

5. Get a sound system

This is the ultimate hack. Crank up the volume to 100. Let them be hearing Rema’s Woman instead of hearing your own woman.

6. Shout inside a pillow

If you shout “Oh my God” one more time, he might come down and ask you what’s going on. Consider doing all your shouting into a pillow.

Woman covering her face with pillow - Stock Image - F026/5385 - Science  Photo Library

7. Close gaps around the door

Stuff the area around the door with soundproofing material

8. Put soft stuff around the room

Hope you like pillows and teddy bears because you’ll need plenty of them. They’re great for absorbing the sound of your iniquity.

Read: 5 Reasons No Nut November Certainly Won’t Last

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