Babies are wonderful…or are they? 

You’re scrolling through IG, and it’s one cute video of an infant or toddler after the other. 

I’m here to expose these miniature people and reveal why all that cheap PR is just to trick unsuspecting folks into wanting more of them.

Babies have zero communication skills

Imagine not being able to survive on your own and you can’t talk. Why?

For such tiny people, they make so much noise 

They can only communicate in a way that’ll destroy your peace of mind. And you still have to decipher whether they want milk, a diaper change, or nothing at all. You know they’re doing it just to run you mad because there’s never water in their eyes, just loud cries at awkward hours of the day.

They can’t even blow their own noses

I feel like blowing your nose is an important life skill to have if you plan to survive.

They can’t eat honey

No, I’m not making this up. Almost as if in exchange for cuteness, they got weak immune systems. Now, you have to do extra work outside capitalism just to get their meal plans right.

They can’t drink water

Babies younger than six months are in danger of water intoxication. Imagine dying because you drank water. Please, God.

Other baby animals > human babies

A newborn goat can stand in minutes. Infants, on the other hand, can’t even sit till they’re six months old. I know who my GOAT is.

They still have to learn how to sit 

Imagine after waiting for nine months to learn to stand, they still have to learn to sit. 

Babies are simply the perfect example of “great User Interface, terrible User Experience”.

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Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.