Dating an upcoming musician is hell, but you can live with it if they use a stage name. But an upcoming tiktoker? Their face is their brand, so how will you hide your shame? Imagine thinking you’re dating a human being then mid argument, they start dancing and whining their waist? Here are signs to look out for to avoid stories that touch.
They start saying “POV” before sentences
You can ask, “What do you want to do this weekend?” and they’d say, “POV: We go to the club”. Block that person, please. You’re single now.
They take screenshots of “cute” texts between you guys
Do they care that some apps announce screenshots? Absolutely not. Next thing you know, your ex who said you’d never find love is using the screenshot of your current partner telling you, “You sometimes look like the inside of a calabash, but they love you” to do, “This you?”
They’re always trying to teach you a new dance
Do they care that you’re 23 with the bones of a 72-year-old who jumped buses for 50 years? Nope, all they want from you is the validation of those 30 likes, 45 views and one comment.
Or dancing in the middle of an argument
If you had to think about this twice, it’s too late for you.
They do the randomest things to get your reaction
You too deep it. She bought you a post-Valentine’s Day gift? And you think you’re safe?
They share their password with you
No, they don’t trust you. They just don’t have time to cheat. All they want is for you to easily unlock the phone and record their little dancey dance on the main road at a moment’s notice.
Their phone is always charged
Have you ever met a Tiktoker with low phone battery? Exactly. If your partner is always charging their phone, or walking around with those giant power banks, it’s because they’re secretly recording TikTok content. Break up now before it’s too late.
They have two phones
How can anybody afford two phones in this economy? It’s because they need it to record all those “I just woke up” videos. Next thing you know, they’re waking you up every morning by six a.m. to film them.
You’re always getting pranked
At first, it was small things like recording you looking for your follow-come charger. Next thing, it’s you reacting to them cutting the 2k you you paid 500 to withdraw. Then, this upcoming tiktoker is “jokingly” using your certificate to wrap akara.
You don’t remember what hot food tastes like
Why? Because by the time they’ve finished recording videos of the food from all angles, like a poorly made Indian movie, all it tastes like is the money plus 17% tax you spent on it.
They buy a big ring light
Not those cute ones they can just attach to the phone and use at owambes. No, those gigantic ones photographers use to take pictures. If you don’t run, you’ll be the one carrying it around town last last.
They unbox things you know are not new
Before God and man, you know that hair product they just unboxed is empty and has been so for two months. Why would you want to date a liar, aka an upcoming tiktoker on purpose?
