How To Give Your Nigerian Grandparents Headache

July 20, 2016

You must answer “NO” to the question “Have you eaten?”

“Ah! You want to starve to death?”

When they now cook for you, you must tell them you are not eating

“Ahn ahn! How can?”

You must go their house slimmer than the last time they saw you

“Are they not feeding you at home?”

You must call your older siblings and cousins by their first name (not brother or aunty)

“Ah! You lack respect sha.”

You must reject their natural medicines when you are sick

“What is aspirin? My friend come and drink agbo!”

When they ask you what you want to become, make sure you don’t say lawyer or doctor

“You want to disgrace our family abi?”

In fact, say you don’t want to go to school

“HAYYYYYY kuku kill me oh!”

If you are in the area they live, don’t visit them

“What if I die tomorrow nko? Will you not see me before I die?”

You must show them that you take after your other side of the family

“But I thought you were one of us. “

Even though you understand their language, speak only English to them

“Hayyy this world has spoilt. I blame your parents.”

Take longer than 2 hours after you graduate from school to marry

“What are you waiting for?”

When you marry, take longer than 9 months and 1 day to start giving them great grandchildren

“Time is going oh!”

In fact just say you don’t want to marry

“What are you even talking?”

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