Since we all know most Nigerian mothers are in love with love their sons, here are some things you should note before you meet your future mother-in-law for the first time. 

Start crawling from the gate to greet her 

Imagine trying to greet your future mother-in-law with a hug and a smile? As you enter the gate, take off your shoes and start crawling and you sing her praises. “Oh Lord and personal mistress, I have come o!”

No make up or artificial nails. If possible, come naked 

Well, since this is your chance to prove that you’ll be a good wife, might as well come naked. Since we’ve turned a visit to inspection. Let them know what they’re really getting into. 

Pound yam and fetch firewood

Because the people that invented gas and pounding machines are FOOLS! You’re an industrious woman that can make sure her boyfriend is well taken care of in true traditional fashion irrespective of the circumstances. 

When you finish cooking, kneel down and serve your boyfriend 

A humble girlfriend is a good girlfriend. Your master  boyfriend needs to eat, and as a subservient girlfriend, you have to serve your king while on your knees. If he goes to the kitchen to dish his food himself, you’ve lost the plot. 

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If you’re taller than your boyfriend’s mother, reduce your height 

If not they’d think you’re proud. How can you as a woman be taller than your future mother-in-law? Does that not mean you think you’re above her? Your better shrink your height.  

Fetch water in the house before you leave 

So what if they have running water? Find empty basins and fetch some water. You can even ask your mother-in-law to join you. You can’t spell bondage without bond, innit? 

Wash all the clothes in the house 

Dirty or clean, just wash them. Prove yourself. 

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If there’s meat in your food, return it 

You’re eating meat at your boyfriend’s mother’s house? Is this playing? Who the fuck do you think you are? Better return the meat. How else will they know you’re humble and from a good home? 

Sing the national anthem

Nobody wants a daughter-in-law that isn’t patriotic. If you really want to burst her head? Sing the second stanza too. Omo mehn. 

Mop their compound 

At this point, you’re thinking outside the box. An innovative queen. 

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