If you have Nigerian parents like mine, asking for money was most likely a grueling and almost terrifying task. You try to prepare and brace yourself ahead of time, but the where, when, why and how combo will always leave you stunned. Here’s a few of their excuses!
As you’re there shivering, they’ll just be looking at you like…
You think I have money growing in the backyard?
Ah ahn, mummy. Only sometimes, now…
What happened to the money I just gave you?
When you’re hit with this question, confusion just sets in! Even if it has been three months since and they ask you, just pull out a pen and get ready to do some accounting. You’ve entered it.
Eh ehn… With your grades?
“Is it with D- in mathematics that you want to collect money? You can calculate money but not ordinary simple algebra??? My friend clear off!”
“When you’re always pressing phone.”
“Why won’t you need money when you are always pressing your phone?” Everything bad in life is because of the phone they bought for you, anyway.
Haven’t you been eating in this house?
But when did I start paying for food nah??? Even when asking for your own money, you have to be careful if you want to keep eating. Issa scam.
What are you even using money for?
Na wah o… Where do I even start?
Go and meet your mother/father.
Even when they know the other person isn’t around. Ugh!
Why didn’t you tell me since?
“And I just finished spending all the money I had o. Sorry.” Chei! But why?
Come and sell me/turn me to money.
Caution! Do not proceed!! Retreat!!!
I don’t have.
Cheee! This is the answer you meet at the final level. The painful boss. No chance to beg further, no progress, no explanation, just… no. You cannot argue with this, even if you see them with tons of money. Just accept your fate and go away. Slap is real.
But last last sha, all is for home training and in good faith, because they struggle too. Shout out to our amazing folks!
“The only side effects I am wary of are reduced libido and testosterone. Age will eventually get me there. Why should I now take a pill to hasten doomsday? I no dey do.”
“Everyone from his fraternity ran away except him, and that was how he went down. He died on school grounds. Omo, I wasn’t myself for days. That was when I realized everything everyone said was true.”
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Z! Stacks
Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:
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