9 Things That Heterosexual Nigerian Men Are Not Allowed to Do

August 5, 2021

If as a Nigerian man you don’t want a sexuality change from heterosexual to homosexual, then you shouldn’t be doing any of these things

1) See a male dentist

You’re on a reclining chair and another man is telling you “open your mouth wide”, “I’m going to put it in your mouth slowly”, and “this might hurt a little”. Does that not sound like the beginning of a porno? A word is enough for the wise.

2) Hugging the bros

When you hug a man, you are skin to skin, chest to chest and even penis to penis. Does that not seem like homosexual behaviour to you?

3) Listening to male musicians

Why is another man whispering words into your ear for over thirty minutes a day? That’s a little sus.

4) Watch/Play football

One ball, 22 men. There’s just something very homoerotic about it. Willingly surrounding yourself with all of that testosterone is a bit gay.

5) Eat fufu

Fufu smells like a man’s unwashed ass. If you can eat that, then you can eat men’s asses, and that’s not very heterosexual of you.

6) Pray

Why are you on your knees and begging another man? Some of you even use words like “pour upon me”. Heterosexual Nigerian men should never pray. Hell doesn’t even seem that bad.

7) Ride okada

If your okada rider suddenly has a wrong turn, what will you do for support? If you grip your okada rider because you almost got into an accident, you’re not as heterosexual as you thought.

8) Have a male boss

If your boss is a man, then it means another man is giving you orders and you are obeying. It means you are a submissive that likes being bossed about by other men.

9) Eat fruit

Why are you ingesting colourful fruit? It basically means you are tasting the rainbow and that’s very gay. Gay people eat a lot of fruit because they are replenishing the rainbow in their bloodstream.

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