9 Nigerians Talk About Being Into BDSM

January 6, 2021

BDSM is an umbrella term for any activities under Bondage, Domination and Submission, and Sadomasochism. A lot of people still consider it unconventional sex, so we got 9 Nigerians to talk about their active participation in BDSM.

Ada, 24

I have a daddy kink I think I got into it in secondary school. Honestly, I didn’t know it was a thing but I always liked the idea of having someone to take care of me. I don’t like regular relationships where people don’t “talk” or aren’t accountable for the other party’s feelings. When someone fusses about what I eat or wear and gives me lots of attention, I really like it. I like the idea of being a sweet baby girl with a daddy who loves me. The daddy in question is obviously not my biological father.

I got deep into it in 2018 after my last ‘normal’ relationship. I had one man that said he was into being a daddy, and would always tell me that he loves me and send me money. He loved watching cartoons, so we would stay up talking about stuff we liked, but he was married so I had to ditch him. I didn’t want sex at the time, I just wanted hugs and affirmations. Just the rush of hearing your partner say “Daddy loves you” feels so good. Knowing that someone is there, the person really gets you and would do anything to make you happy is what I really like about it. I’ve tasted what having someone who loves me like that feels like, I’m not going back to the ghetto.

Nkechi, 21

My ex would do things and ask if I enjoyed them. It started from choking, using ropes, hard spanks etc. I enjoyed it, so I kept exploring whenever I could. I read about things, watched videos and had discussions before hand so I eased into it. Now, I can say I’m into bondage, dominance (I’m a Switch), gagging, humiliation, masochism, voyeurism, role play, whipping, nipple clamps. The basics.

With being a brat, I love to be tamed. In every day life, I get away with a lot of things or have control. So, that being taken away from me is a huge turn on. I’m also a pleaser so satisfying my dom makes me feel fulfilled, and I like being called a good girl. With being a dom, I love my pets being obedient and trusting me with themselves and their pleasure. It’s all a mental thing that makes the sex experience more intense and pleasurable. I’ll like people to understand that it’s not about just slapping, pain and all that. There’s respect, understanding, and the necessity of consent. It’s also not dehumanizing.

Tope, 21

I had actually always wanted to try bondage and submission. I saw it in porn and I knew this was something I wanted, but I never got to do it until this year with my current partner. She’s bolder than I am, so one day she asks me if she can tie me up. I was so excited about it, but I tried to not show it. I’ve been abused a lot sexually, and sometimes I used to feel guilty for not being able to stop it. Before, I didn’t really used to enjoy sex because it was so triggering for me, but doing this makes it easier to enjoy myself. It makes me feel liberated, because even though I’m being submissive I know I’m in control of that situation.

Zainab, 19

Honestly, I do not think I can explain why and how I got into BDSM. All I do know is that it has been a very interesting journey that has led to me discovering new things about myself. When explaining my roles, I usually say “I am a bratty masochist switch with a degradation and praise kink”. Basically, I like being punished by dominants when I don’t listen and I like being degraded and praised. I am also a bit of a pain slut and a huge masochist; the more pain you cause, the better.

The only things I know I cannot try are piss play and scat, but every other thing is fair game. It gives me a sense of control regular sex does not give, and I love control. The biggest misconception people have of BDSM is that they base it off of the rubbish in Fifty Shades of Grey. Consent and safe words are very important, especially if you do a lot of scenes. Also, never forget aftercare.

Kunle, 30

I am a little over 6ft tall with a little bit of muscle, so people project a lot of expectations on me. Sure, I can be a bit threatening when I have to, but I do not like to. During sex, I like to submit and be used. It makes it easier for me to just relax and free myself from stupid societal pressures. I would really like more men to test their submissive side. It is not all the time alpha male, sometimes, tell your woman “yes, mistress.”

Amaka, 20

Well, I found out about BDSM from the erotica novels I read. I did research then I eased into it as a sub, I even had a dom. After a while we separated. So as of early last year, I went through some stuff that made me start taking charge of my life. I discovered that I want to take charge everywhere, so I threw myself into more research and found out that I was actually a switch. Temperature play is actually my favourite. It is something I like doing to my subs, and having done to me. Although it can be quite extreme sometimes, it is worth it. Very few things in BDSM come close to temperature play in terms of thrill and anticipation.

Jane, 23

Actually, I got into it organically, it wasn’t like I planned to. I like to tease the men I’m having sex with and one day I met one that seemed different. He understood that I was teasing him because I wanted to get punished so yeah that’s how we did some Consensual non consent (CNC). We kept going, I took a BDSM test online and tested 100% positive for being a submissive, brat, and also a degradee too. Because of this, we decided to not just have a FWB relationship but also a dom-sub relationship. It’s being good so far, and I’m really enjoying the lifestyle. People always think BDSM is about flogging, which is why I think anyone who wants to go into it should communicate with whoever they are doing it with. In fact, they should always communicate.

Cynthia, 24

I heard BDSM was a therapy for abuse and was curious, so I found a professional BDSM coach and I went through light and dark therapy as ways to build trust and communication. The dark therapy is discussing your triggers, and it could cause flashbacks, that’s why it’s called the dark therapy. Learning to communicate, willingness to try sex, the autonomy to give consent is the light therapy. It worked out well, and I got over the fear of having communication. I now have autonomy over my body and understand the entire concept of consent.

Ibrahim, 28

If there is one thing BDSM taught me, it is a lot of self control. If you are into edging and orgasm denial, then you will learn a lot of it. Being so to the edge but not being allowed to just tip over can be a very exhilarating experience. I figured it out during a lot of “private time”. I would purposely deny myself an orgasm because when it did eventually happen, it felt even ten times better. Giving up control of your own pleasure to another person is something I think everyone should try at least a few times.

For more sex life stories, please click here


Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Itohan Esekheigbe

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

May 13, 2020

Moving to a new country can be both exciting and terrifying. There are a ton of articles on the internet that tell you what to expect in terms of housing and getting work, but very few mention anything about the sexual culture shock you’re likely to experience. So, we decided to find out what that […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

black woman with afro smiling
September 20, 2021

Hair lice are tiny, wingless insects that live in the hair of humans. They feed on tiny amounts of blood they get from the scalp. They spread easily from comb to comb. It is especially rampant among kids.  It’s not easy to get rid of hair lice but here are a few tips that have […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

More from Sex Life

August 28, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 21-year-old straight woman who talks about being averse to sex for a long time, discovering that she loved BDSM through her ex and navigating sex with […]

August 14, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 20-year-old bisexual woman who talks about her initial struggle with the shame of masturbation, discovering her kinks and chasing sex fuelled by danger. What was […]

July 17, 2021

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman. She talks about how her first sexual relationship ended in shame because her partner spread gossip about the sex and how her fear of being tagged promiscuous prevented her from having sex with the men in her social circle. What was your first sexual experience? […]

June 9, 2021

Since heaven is the goal, but your body is not firewood, here are some of the best sex positions that won’t ruin your heavenly race. 1) Missionary The people that named this sex position knew what they were doing. It is simple, straight forward and as old as time. People that have sex like this […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X