Should you or should you not tie wrapper in your matrimonial home?
Some people will say you should and some will say you shouldn’t. But I have just come back from Instagram where women are waging serious war against wrappers, and the spirit told me to inform you about the spiritual implications of allowing wrapper into your matrimonial home.
She who has an ear, let her follow Zikoko hear what the spirit is saying at her own peril.
1. Your natural beauty will vanish.
That wrapper will wrap your beauty until there is nothing left again.
2. You will no longer be good in bed.
Go and ask people. It’s just that they will not talk, because they won’t like to expose themselves.
3. Your children will start running away from you.
Because, really, who is this woman without natural beauty?
4. Your husband will look at you and see his great-grandmother that fell into a well in 1954 and died of cough and catarrh.
Naturally, he will burst into song. You know the song? Ancient of days, as old as you are…
5. Of course, your husband will cheat.
That’s how he will be begging the other woman who wears low-waist jeans and spaghetti top, or show-me-your-back and leggings.
6. Even your children will call another woman Mummy.
Where is the woman they know as Mummy? The one who sleeps and wakes up in high heels? The one who wears wig and lipstick to the bathroom? Who is this woman who ties wrapper like a rapper?
7. Sis, your mates will refer to you as Mummy oh.
They will even be afraid to invite you out sef, because what if you tie wrapper and call it fashion?
8. Grey hair will start showing.
Mummy wa, may your days be long oh. Do you even remember the function of a bra?
9. The Nigerian Association Of Witches will definitely recruit you.
And because you are angry at how unfair you husband has been to you, his penis will be the first thing you will sacrifice.
He left you because of wrapper, so you too will wrap his penis in shawarma bread and eat it. Ojoro cancel.
10. And finally, your husband’s family will send you packing.
Tying wrapper is the enemy of your marriage. It is the reason for all the problems in Nigeria today. It is the sole reason why men cheat. So, wear your bra to bed. Sleep in your waist-trainer and girdle. Jog in your high heels. Cook while wearing your bone-straight.
Just boycott wrapper and save your marriage today. We have said our own.
