Imagine if Z!KOKO owned a restaurant called Z! Restaurant (sadly, “Z Kitchen” was taken). Here’s what would happen:
We’d be closed on public holidays
We don’t joke with rest. If other people get to not work on their public holidays, so should we, please.
The ambience would be purple and white
It’s not Zikoko if it’s not purple and white, duh. Expect to see our colour theme everywhere, down to cutlery.
Waiters would wear whatever they want
Our servers would be GenZs, and if we tried to tell them to wear uniforms, they wouldn’t answer us. The most they’d allow is name tags that also have their pronouns. Because you shall not misgender. If you saw someone wearing fishnets and a bucket hat, asking you what you’d like to eat, don’t be afraid, they’re a waiter.
Menus would be quizzes
The menus would be bar codes. Once scanned, you’d have to take a random trivia quiz to access the menu. If you got below five, no food for you.
You’d eat interesting meals
You’d get the utmost fine dining experience. We’d serve meals like Eba et ketchup, Ice cream and plantain, Indonesian noodles avec okra, etc.
Foods would be named after gen-z terms
We’d have names like “Purr” for catfish and potatoes. You’d also see food named “It’s giving Nigerian babe” for seafood pasta, and “I stan”: the goated meal that is amala.
Semo would never be served
Because we don’t deal with bad vibes.
Waiters would talk to you like they’re interviewing you
Waiters wouldn’t just walk up to you, say hi and ask for your order. They’d ask follow-up questions concerning your life, your meal choice, when you come to the restaurant etc. They’d even ask you to rate your love life on a scal of 1 – 10 Because there may be a story there, and we’d write it.
There’d be sections named according to flagships
There’d be different seating areas in the restaurants named according to Zikoko Flagships: Naira Life for fine dining, Love Life for dates, Man Like for geez who just want to hang out after work, What She Said for the hot gurls, Sunken Ships for ex-friends trying to reconnect or gain closure, etc. And they would all have their unique attributes.
You’d do a TikTok dance before we let you you enter
At Zikoko, we value entertainment and fun. That’s why before you’d gain entry into our fine establishment, you’d be made to record a TikTok dance with our staff. We promise it’d be fun.