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  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    The subjects of this Love Life Elizabeth* (20) and Oyin* (20) walk us through a relationship that almost didn’t happen, discovering their chemistry during a chemistry practical and finding a way to keep their two-year relationship alive in medical school.  

    Tell me how you met 

    Elizabeth: We met in 2019 in our first year, during a chemistry practical in the laboratory.

    Oyin: We were put in the same group. I had to take notes from the experiments we carried out, and she made fun of my handwriting. Then we started talking. 

    Elizabeth: I actually wanted to talk to him because he’s pretty smart, and I needed some help with schoolwork. Making fun of his handwriting was me shooting my academic shot. 

    LMAO. How did that work out? 

    Elizabeth: We exchanged numbers and kept in touch.

    Oyin: Only for the first week. After that, we didn’t speak again. She had a boyfriend, and I didn’t want to push for anything. Ever since that conversation we had at the lab, I knew I was into her, but with the boyfriend involved, I was respecting boundaries. Whenever we saw each other in school, we’d have a friendly conversation but nothing more than that. It was never awkward or anything. 

    When did you start talking again?

    Oyin: It was in 2020. I had come late to a class and the only empty seat was beside her.

    Elizabeth: We talked to each other all through the class.

    Is this what our future doctors are doing? 

    Oyin: LMAO. It happens sometimes. She spoke about how she always came to class early. But me? I was a serial latecomer. 

    Elizabeth: That’s why after the class, I texted and offered to keep a seat for him in every class we attended. I offered, not just because I was being nice, but because I’m attracted to him. 

    What about your boyfriend? 

    Elizabeth: Boyfriend was still in the picture, but we faced issues. He’d cheated and the relationship was hanging by a thread. I knew it was going to end, so I didn’t see anything wrong with at least talking to Oyin. 

    Oyin: We talked in every class and even after.

    Were you people even learning anything? Plus, what were you even talking about?

    Oyin: I want to believe we were learning, and we talked about anything. One conversation led to another that led to another. Whatever we didn’t finish saying in class, we’d continue over text. 

    Elizabeth: We could have the fluffiest conversation and immediately transition into traumatic moments that altered our lives. It was nice to have someone you could just talk to. That’s why in May 2020, three months after we started talking again, I told him I liked him. At this point, I’d broken up with my boyfriend and wanted to see if Oyin and I could develop anything more than a friendship. Unfortunately, he didn’t reciprocate my feelings. 

    Oyin: I didn’t want to lead her on when I didn’t feel it as intensely as she did. I told her I only liked her as a friend and wanted to remain friends. 

    Elizabeth: And it’s partly because there was another girl he liked.

    Oh? Tell us about this girl 

    Oyin: She’s also a medical student. I started talking to her towards the end of 2019, but our conversations mainly happened when we were both in school. 

    Elizabeth: Before I met Oyin, the babe and I were friends, but after a falling out, we stopped speaking to each other. Seeing her be all besties with him annoyed me, but I didn’t say anything about it. 

    Oyin: It’s funny because the thing I had with this other babe was undefined. It’s not like we’d spoken about having feelings or anything. We were just going with the flow but we’d end every conversation with “I love you”. 

    However, I got to find out that all the I love you’s she told me were friendly, and she actually had a boyfriend. It was a very serious reality check. 

    Elizabeth: LMAO. Toh. I thought they were an item, but maybe not with labels.

    Oyin: Not at all o. We were just talking one day in April 2020, and she mentioned her boyfriend. I was like, “Ah. From where?” I sha got the memo and knew my place in her life. 

    So what happened to you and Elizabeth in the midst of all this? 

    Oyin: We still spoke. She was still my friend. 

    Elizabeth: He paid her more attention than me so I moved aside for a minute. I was trying my best to play it cool, but then, something happened. 

    I had a small house party on my birthday in July. I’d invited him because he’s my friend, but he said he doesn’t go to people’s houses. No wahala o. Fast forward to August and I see a video of him in his friend’s house, celebrating her birthday. He was even singing. I was livid. I couldn’t speak to him for a couple of days.

    Wait. Was the friend that babe?

    Elizabeth: Gbam! I was so pissed. 

    Oyin: To be fair, the babe posted the video she saw. 

    Why was she even with your phone? You’re not helping yourself at all 

    Oyin: Everything happened in a blur. I opened social media and saw her subbing me all over her timeline. I deleted the video and tried to explain what happened, but she didn’t answer. 

    Why did you go to this babe’s house but not Elizabeth’s? 

    Oyin: I was just nervous because I knew Elizabeth’s parents would be there, and I didn’t want to meet them. This other babe lived alone so there was no such pressure. 

    Elizabeth: That’s what he told me o, but I wasn’t buying what he was selling at the time.

    Oyin: I waited a couple of days for her head to cool down before I texted her again.

    Elizabeth: I was supposed to be angry at him, but I really liked him and not talking to him made me sad.

    Oyin: After the apology, we started talking a lot more, and I liked her a lot more than I did initially. I started planning to ask her out, but I didn’t want to do it over the phone. 

    Elizabeth: We were trying to planning for his birthday in September. That’s how one day, I mentioned I wanted to give the birthday boy a kiss on his birthday. He agreed. I don’t even know why I offered. I was feeling adventurous maybe, but I’m glad I did. 

    RELATED: Love Life: Telling Our Parents Made Our Relationship Easy

    How did the kiss happen?

    Elizabeth: So we were arguing because I’d given another boy a lap dance, and for some reason, he was pissed. 

    Oyin: In my head, I was planning to ask her out, and she had said she wanted to give me a kiss, but here she was, giving someone else a lap dance. Plus, she knew I already had feelings for her. Why’d she do that? 

    The same way you knew she had feelings for you and didn’t attend her birthday but attended that babe’s? 

    Elizabeth: Gbam! 

    Oyin: Fair point. 

    Elizabeth: Anyways, he called me into a room, and as we were arguing, I asked if I could give him the kiss then. As a gone guy, he agreed. 

    Oyin: Then we had a conversation, and I asked her to be my girlfriend. 

    Elizabeth: I loved him and knew I wanted to be with him, so I agreed. 

    Cute. What was it like moving from friends to partner?

    Elizabeth: Hmm.

    Oyin: It had its good moments, but it wasn’t so smooth in the beginning. There were unresolved issues that got dragged into the relationship.

    Elizabeth: By unresolved issues, he means that babe he liked. They were still friends, and it made me feel a kind of way.

    Oyin: Okay, that’s more specific. The babe and I were still friends for the first three months of Elizabeth and I’s relationship. 

    Elizabeth: It was weird how big of a place she had in our relationship. It was extra weird because she had her own relationship to worry about. Apparently, she was his “best friend” and would always give him weird opinions about me based on the falling out we had a year or two before Oyin and I even met. 

    Oyin: I tried to keep my distance from her for a bit. Then she confronted me about it and called me a horrible friend that didn’t care about her. I didn’t reach out to her to even try to fix things, so that’s how the relationship ended. 

    RELATED: Love Life: Being Polyamorous Didn’t Stop My Jealousy

    After cutting her off, what did the relationship look like? 

    Elizabeth: It was much easier. We were actually able to grow as a couple. 

    Oyin: Yeah, it was so much better. Less arguing and external forces. 

    But navigating all this while studying medicine? 

    Elizabeth: Yeah, it was hard. It’s a difficult course to study. You barely have time for yourself, but we try to keep it going. 

    Oyin: We’re both there so we understand how the schedules are. We attend classes together, do homework and even study together. It’s our way of ensuring we spend time in each other’s presence. 

    Elizabeth: It’ll definitely be a lot harder if only one of us is studying medicine, but I guess that’s where we’re lucky.

    Oyin: We always find a way. 

    Lord, our future doctors are using lab to do love. Anyways, on a scale of 1-10, rate your love life

    Elizabeth: I feel like nobody in life will ever understand me the way Oyin does. I don’t know how to put my emotions into words, LMAO, but I know I want to do forever with him. I’d have given it a 10, but nothing is perfect, and 9 is the closest we can get to perfection. 

    Oyin: Me, I’ll rate it a 10. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and hopefully have a family someday. It feels right. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Bonded Over Our Love for Music

  • The exes in question don’t include the emotionally and physically abusive, toxic ones or those who don’t have anything to offer anyone in their life. We’re talking about the one you lost because of distance, lack of communication, falling out of love and other fixable stories. 

    So with these seven points of ours, we want to convince you and not confuse you to give your ex a chance. 

    Your parents are tired of hearing new names every week

    First it was Ade, then Tolu, Tobi, Chisom, Alex, Eno and many others. Your parents are old. How do you expect them to erase names from their memory every couple of weeks? Let them use their brain power for other things. 

    There’s nothing outside 

    Everyone on the streets is problematic. If they’re not talking about stupid things like body count, it’s how you shouldn’t expect basic human kindness from the person you’re sleeping with. Do you really want to participate in such razz activities? Outside is cold; your ex is warm. Think about it. 

    RELATED: The Streets Is a Terrible Place — and It’s Partly Your Fault

    Pity your friends

    The group chat has created a spreadsheet to keep track of all the people you’re talking to. Spare them. How many people can they block or dodge in public? They can’t even attend certain events because one of your former people might be there. Plus, the more people you date, the less they can date. Please, pity your friends. 

    You know them

    With your favourite ex, you know how they like to be comforted when they’re sad, the foods they like to eat and things that make them happy. These things are ingrained in your brain, so you don’t have to do trial and error. Go back to where navigating a relationship doesn’t feel like a minefield.

    RELATED: QUIZ: Tell Us a Little About Yourself and We’ll Guess Your Favourite Ex 

    Do you really want to start finding out another person’s favourite colour? 

    This year that you’ve chosen to get your money up, you want to still take time out to learn someone’s favourite colour? Are you not tired of all the small talk? With your ex, you already know all the basics. You’ve gotten to a point where you might commit crimes if someone new asks you what you like to do for fun. Kirikiri blue won’t fit you, but do you know what will? Your favourite ex. 

    Are you not tired of the playlists?

    How many people have made you playlists this month? Are you trying to have so many playlists that Spotify or Apple Music will carry gbese? 

    You don’t have to talk too much 

    Your favourite ex understands why you hate certain family members, why you’re banned from certain restaurants, or why you passport was seized. They know how to plan things that won’t require you to start explaining too much. However, whoever you start talking to will need explanation upon explanation. That’s tiring. Your ex isn’t tiring. 

    They’re your favourite ex, so they must have done some things right 

    The fact that this person is considered your favourite ex means they must have done a lot of things right. So ask yourself why you let it all end? Distance? Communication? Lack of love? Any of these three things can be handled with a long phone call and plenty tears. 

    At the end of the day, if whatever made you and your favourite ex break up is something fixable, fix it. There are many unfortunate people in the world, but the foolish person you know is better than the foolish person you don’t know. 

    RELATED: So You Want to Be Friends With Your Ex?

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Before we go into 2023, here are some love life stories you should read. If you’ve read them before, read them again.

    1) Love Life: We Didn’t Need Phones, We Had Love

    A lot of things have become easier with technology. Now, with phones, dating apps and social media platforms you can meet and pursue relationships with people continents away. However, what was dating like before that happened? When all people had were letters and the love in their hearts? This couple gives us an insight into what that relationship was like and how it is now. 

    2) Love Life: We Bonded Over Our Love for Music 

    What happens when a musician and a music writer find each other? In this case, it’s love, a mutual bond and understanding of music and a lot of “X doesn’t have the musical range that Y has.” It’s the stuff of movies and also the story of this couple. 

    3) Love Life: We Finally Met Up Because of Christmas Chicken 

    Two things you learn from this love life; the first is that the love of your life might be in a relationship with someone that isn’t you. The second is that Christmas chicken might be the reason you find love.

    4) Love Life: We’re Roommates Who Fell in Love

    Some people go to school and get roommates they hate, others get roommates they like, but these two? They fall in love. I think they’re the only people doing this roommate thing correctly.

    5) Love Life: I Went to Her House Every Day for a Whole Year

    I’ve heard of dedication, but nothing like this. I wonder if it would have been easier with mobile phones, because I can’t imagine having to go all the way to someone’s house just because I wanted to see them. Then doing it every single day for a whole year? Love is a strong thing. 

    6) Love Life: It Took Us 7 Years to Have Our First Child

    Marriage is hard enough as it is. Input financial difficulties and the lack of children, it becomes a lot worse. This is how this couple even in their old age, managed to keep the love alive.

    7) Love Life: Telling Our Parents Made Our Relationship Easy

    When teenagers and young adults don’t have to sneak around to see the people they’re dating, it makes the relationship a million times easier. At least, that’s what this couple told us.

    8) Love Life: We Found Our Way Back to Each Other After 35 Years

    If “If it’s meant to be it’ll be” was a love life, it’ll be this one. Thirty five years after their last encounter, Geraldine* and Felix* found their way back into each other’s lives.

    9) Love Life: I’m Scared to Tell My Parents About Him

    Growing up with strict parents is hard, but having strict parents and hiding a relationship you know they won’t approve of is even harder. The other option will be to just tell them about the relationship, but that’s where fear comes in.

    10) Love Life: Being Polyamorous Didn’t Stop My Jealousy

    There are a lot of popular misconceptions about polyamory, one of which being that they don’t get jealous. However, according to this couple, polyamory isn’t some blocker for jealousy. We learn somet

  • The streets have done nothing for you since you’ve been on it, so it might be time to embrace the life of a hopeless romantic so you can finally say that you’ve covered all the bases. Since it’s something you’re not used to, we’re here with a guide on just what you need to do to prepare for it.

    Keep your sense in a jar 

    To be a true hopeless romantic, you have to stop using your sense. Turn it into a money-making scheme and rent your sense out to people who need it. 

    Embrace delusion 

    Hopeless romantics don’t deal with reality. You need to romanticise every area of your life. The way you eat bread? Important in helping you find love. The brand of tea you drink? Might be what leads you to your soulmate. Reject reality, and embrace delusion. 

    RELATED: 6 Nigerian Women Share Their Most Romantic Experiences

    Consume romantic content 

    You need something to model your romantic self after. Receive inspiration from some of the OGs like Tony Umez or Emeka Ike or you can learn lessons from failed relationships. A great place to start is Zikoko’s Love Life, but you didn’t hear that from us. 

    Glasses to see shege 

    Being a hopeless romantic now that the streets are full of rubbish is hard. Your eyes will see proper shege, so better get glasses and clean them well. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: How Much of a Hopeless Romantic Are You

    A sleeve for your heart 

    You might have to take the whole wearing your heart on your sleeve thing literally. 

    Copy your favourite romantic comedy

    We’re not just asking you to learn from these fictional relationships, but to also pattern your entire life after them. Try getting a house in the middle of nowhere, so one day, someone’s car will spoil close to your house. You offer them a place to stay, and gbam! Marriage.

    Don’t do anything to actually pursue love 

    All the most successful hopeless romantics wait for love to find them. Don’t stress yourself with trying to look for it. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: If You’re Not a True Hopeless Romantic, Sit This One Out

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Bear* (25) and Nala* (27) tell us about how they started dating one week after their first date. They also talk about having to define the structure of their relationship, the different ways they practice polyamory and the uncertainty of their future. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Love Life

    How did you meet?

    Bear: We ran into each other at an event called Green Camp. It was the first time we met physically, and there was sexual tension but we didn’t act on anything until this year when I saw her again on a Friday at South, Lagos in March 2022. 

    Prior to that, we’ve been following each other since 2016. I’ll always text her in a bid to try starting a connection but she wasn’t giving me the proper energy. I kept trying to take it beyond the banter we were having on the timeline, but she kept killing whatever fire I tried to light. 

    Nala: To be honest, it’s not his fault. He is attractive and based on the conversations we had on the timeline, I could see our views aligned. 

    I’m just a shitty person when it comes to maintaining contact with people via text. I used to think I liked texting, but what I really liked was the ability to respond to texts at my own time. The best I could maintain with him were topical conversations that didn’t really go anywhere. The problem was just that I was busy with work. I apologised for it. 

    That’s a long time

    Nala: He wasn’t pursuing me for that long, but we knew of each other. 

    So, let’s talk about the meeting at South

    Nala: My motivation for going to South was because I was hoping to go and see him. 

    Bear: Ehn? See who? 

    Nala: Let me tell my story. 

    Bear: You did not come to see me. Let’s not rewrite history. She didn’t come to see me. What happened was that I came and then stole the show. 

    Nala: Anyways, I saw him and was distracted from the person I actually came to see. I think at that moment, I started to wonder why I was actually running away from him. 

    Bear: Let me tell you what really happened because to be fair, I think I’m better at detailing events and memories. 

    I was having one of those high confidence days. I looked good and felt it. While I was trying to get a drink, I turned and we saw each other — she was right beside me. And her look was different. It said, “It’s time, I’m ready for you.”

    However, she was with someone else, and I didn’t know what the relationship was. We interacted and made plans to actually hang out on the island on Sunday. 

    RELATED: Love Life: The Day We Started Dating Is the Day I Stopped Smoking

    How did the hangout go? 

    Bear: Sunday came and I didn’t hear from her untill 4 p.m. when I had already left the island. She felt bad about it and so we scheduled to meet during the week. She came to see me on Friday. 

    Nala: I’ll just like to add that I was working at the time. I had zero personal time and wasn’t as flexible as I wanted. I have time blindness and sometimes I get so wrapped up in one task, I forget the others I had set out to do. 

    Did you eventually have that rescheduled date?

    Nala: Yes, we did, and after it happened, I kept asking myself why it didn’t happen earlier. 

    Bear: I was very excited. I don’t know how, but everything just kind of aligned. Something that made me aware this was different was when we kissed. I think that’s how I describe our relationship till now. 

    The kiss was like a warm embrace. Like something I didn’t know I existed up until it happened. At that moment, I felt like I was walking through a desert and someone just pinned me down and force-fed me water. It was the best tasting water I’ve had in my life. I had never felt this way kissing someone before. It was a very emotionally charged and special day. As much as it was physical, there was a lot of emotional vulnerability that day.  

    After the date, her schedule suddenly blew wide open. She suddenly had my time. 

    Nala: You know why it blew open. I don’t know why you’re acting like this. 

    Bear: LMAO.

    Nala: My client actually left the country, and I had a lot of time on my hands. 

    Bear: Honestly, after that first date, everything just kind of aligned. We hung out every day for one week, and we were courageous enough to be emotionally vulnerable and talk about what we were feeling. 

    What kind of vulnerability and emotions are we talking about? 

    Bear: Around the time we started dating, my mum was having a medical emergency and it cost a lot of money so I was pretty low on funds. I started feeling ashamed about my general financial situation and I started to pull away. She called me out on it and then opened up a space where I could just talk about all the things I was feeling and going through. She helped me get to the root cause of my emotions and from there I was able to work towards getting better. 

    Nala: I had some insecurities about my body. Whenever I brought up how I felt, he was really patient and was able to empathise with what I was going through. 

    You started dating after one week. Why? 

    Nala:  I couldn’t get enough of his company, so we spent every moment together. 

    Bear: At some point, she mentioned in passing that if we were going to enter into a relationship, she needed me to ask her out. She may have mentioned it in passing, but I had it ingrained in my head. At that point, I had a different relationship structure I needed to find a way to dismantle before officially coming into a relationship with her. 

    While I was trying to do all of that, I decided to just go ahead and ask her out. I hadn’t felt that way about anyone before and I didn’t want to waste time. 

    I asked her out on a Saturday night in March, after we had finished having sex. After the very intense session, I kept looking at her and I could feel my chest flutter and tingle. So I went on a long talk that I don’t remember the details of, but I know ended with, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” She said yes.

    Nala: I’d spent a lot of time single and I used that time to reflect on what I didn’t want in a relationship. However, I didn’t know what exactly it was I wanted. He invoked a lot of strong feelings in me and I realised that’s something I wanted. A partner that made me happy and invoked strong feelings in me. I loved him. It was a no brainer I’d say yes. I don’t know why or how it happened, but I know I was in love with him. 

    One of the reasons I mentioned him asking me out is because we were already edging towards “falling” into a relationship. We did all the things couples did and were settling into a comfortable routine. I didn’t want to wake up one day and start having a “So what are we?” conversation. 

    Bear: All my years of pursuing older women finally paid off because I was able to bag this one. 

    Nala: It’s just a two-year difference. 

    What was dating like? 

    Bear: Well, for one, we had to define the dynamic of our relationship. I came into the relationship as a polyamorous person or how do they say it? 

    Nala: He likes women and women like him and everybody is on his tail. 

    Bear: Jesus. It’s everybody that likes you. Men, women, all of them. I knew I wasn’t monogamous, but I wasn’t sure what the details were. What I knew was that if I was going to figure out whatever this was with anybody, it was going to be her. 

    RELATED: Love Life: She’s Polyamorous But I’m Not

    I think you both described this thing differently. So let’s break it down

    Bear: So the other relationships I was involved in were the things I had to settle before I could be with her. I was coming off of what can maybe be described as a harem. 

    Nala: Ah ha! So was I wrong in my description of everyone being on your tail? 

    Bear: LMAO. When Nala and I eventually started dating, I told them there was someone I had to prioritise because she became my primary partner. 

    Before then, I had a system where I try to make sure my lovers are on the same level or that they feel like they have equal space in my heart, but they could tell there was something with Nala that was different. 

    When I broke the news to them, most survived but those that didn’t morphed into proper friendships. 

    Nala: I’m polyam as well, but for me, I handle my people with varying degrees of intimacy. I’m not as into people as he is. He’s more of a golden retriever type that’s friends with everyone. I am more detached. I don’t have that much mental energy. 

    Bear: So the way we practised was kind of different. 

    Nala: I knew what I had was working for me, and I liked it that way. When Bear and I started dating, I informed my other partners, but unlike his, mine was like bulk SMS. Just hey, I’ll see you around and also, I have someone now. 

    How then do you both navigate this structure you’ve created for yourselves? 

    Nala: I wanted to approach this relationship from a place of complete honesty with my feelings and emotions. I’ve tried traditional monogamy, and I’ve had some failings in it. 

    Knowing he was polyamorous as well was a step in the right direction. The conversation about wanting other people, even when you’re with someone you’re romantically invested in is always a tricky one to have, but I didn’t have to worry about that with him. 

    To an extent, there’s still a nagging feeling I have. Like does he like this person more than he likes me and stuff like that, but it’s usually just a casual thought. It’s hardly ever something I have strong evidence to back up. Plus, it helps that whenever I feel like this, I can just have a conversation with him. 

    Bear: For me, I think jealousy is something that can exist no matter the type of relationship. It could be a friendship, a business relationship or anything. Having a conversation and reassurance really helps.

    We have just one rule in place, and it’s that she’s my primary partner and I’m hers, and the only thing that can be considered cheating is when we put other people before each other. 

    Nala: We don’t really have firm rules. It’s just that we need to make sure our interests are protected before anything else. 

    Do you see yourself getting other primary partners or dating one person as a couple? 

    Bear: I know my partner, and I don’t think she has the emotional capacity or range to include another person into this relationship. The third person will suffer because they’d have to rely on only me for all their emotional needs. 

    Nala: LMAO. We’ve gotten offers from people wanting to come in.

    Bear: But they should just enjoy what they have now because inside? You’ll be starved. As for getting another girlfriend, I don’t think I want one, at least not now. I haven’t met anyone I like enough to want that from. 

    Nala: I don’t think I have someone on my radar that triggers as much emotion as Bear does. I won’t say I love anyone to the level that I love him and I consider that a requirement for getting into a relationship with someone. I have other relationships beyond this, but none of them just have the same level of intimacy. 

    On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your love life? 

    Nala: I’ll give it an 8 because of some of the uncertainties that come with our future and because there’s always need for improvement. We don’t know what next year holds for either of us in terms of if we’re even still going to be in the country. Let’s survive Nigeria first. It’s almost painful to think about so we haven’t had a final discussion on what our future looks like.

    I’m so happy in the relationship and I wouldn’t trade this for anything else. I enjoy the fact that he’s a really calming influence. He also doesn’t mind going under the sun to do things for me. I sweat easily and the sun makes me uncomfortable so he sometimes runs errands for me. It just works for me. 

    Bear: 9 for me. Nala is more raging fire and I’m more chill and calm. There are days you can see the fire raging, and she’s burning up everything in her path, but when she gets to me, she becomes a calm little blue flame. I admire the fact that she usually softens up when she meets me. I’m baby, and I don’t like stress. 

    I love how we can banter over anything and can discuss a wide range of topics because of how much our politics align. I love her simply because she exists. The only reason I’m not giving it a 10 is because of the uncertainties surrounding our future

    RELATED: Love Life: We Found Our Way Back to Each Other After 35 Years

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    Esther* (23) talks us through what she labels the worst relationship of her life so far. He constantly tried to get her to lose weight, got her pregnant and ignored her feelings during the abortion process. 

    How did you meet? 

    Esther: Meeting Osas* was very random. It happened in April 2019 in my department while I was waiting for my class to start. He struck up a conversation with me. He had political ambition in school so he talked to a lot of people to get his name recognised when the elections rolled around. 

    During our conversation, he found out I liked to write and apparently so did he. He wasn’t completely senseless so I wanted to have more conversations with him. At that time, he fit into what I wanted in a partner physically. He was tall, had pink lips and he also dressed very well.

    We had similar interests and he looked good so when he asked, I gave him my number. 

    Did you talk often?

    Esther: Yes we did, and whenever we did, we had really long conversations. He even started coming to see me in the hostel I stayed in on campus. 

    I enjoyed the visits, but sometimes he’d make comments about my weight and how I should try to lose weight. He even offered to take me to the gym once. I found it interesting that he was always talking about my weight but he kept touching me and trying to sleep with me. 

    Eventually, after weeks of coming to my hostel, he asked when I would reciprocate and see him too. He said he wouldn’t come again until I came over and I decided to pay him a visit. 

    How did seeing him go?  

    Esther: My first red flag about how uncaring he is should have been how he treated me. I didn’t feel like a guest. He told me I could take the yoghurt if I wanted and didn’t even try to offer me water. If I knew then what I know now, I’d have left, but I was attracted to him and I enjoyed whatever attention it was he gave to me, so I stayed. 

    He was touching my breasts and kissing me, but I knew it wouldn’t go farther than that because I was 19 and hadn’t sex with anyone before. I didn’t want that time to be my first. 

    But he was 

    Esther: That visit triggered more visits and on the second visit, we had sex. All my friends were having it and I was attracted to him, so I just thought to do it. It was bland and just there because it was my first but with the way sex was discussed all the time, I expected more from it. We started having sex a lot more often and it got better along the line. I was fine with just having sex with him casually, but he kept putting the idea of a relationship in my head. 

    How was he doing that? 

    Esther: He was always talking about how we’d be as a couple, but he was hesitant to ask me out. His excuse was that he didn’t have time because as a politician, he was so busy. Mind you, this boy was 20. I found that excuse extra funny because he had time to have sex with me and call me will that time vanish if we dated? 

    One day in August, after having sex, we had a conversation about our “relationship”. He told me that being in a relationship was entirely up to me and so I guess that’s how we became a thing. 

    What was being with him like? 

    Esther: The relationship is what I would now refer to as toxic. But then I didn’t think of it as that. It was a completely sexual relationship. We barely did anything other than sex. He stayed off campus so I would visit very often and in all of those visits we just kept having sex. No real care for my feelings. He would barely call as per “I’m busy” but when he’s horny he would call. What offended me is that he could have simply told me all he wanted was sex and I most likely would have agreed and then not invest my emotions. 

    All he did in that relationship apart from have sex with me was complain about how fat I was. He complained so badly to me that I started to take slimming pills. That’s one thing I hated so much about the relationship; the way I lost myself. Normally, I’m vocal about things I don’t like but in this case I just found myself accepting everything and making excuses.

    But the relationship ended eventually. 

    Esther: He was even the one that broke up with me. We had been together for just two months and one day after we finished having sex, he broke up with me. The situation really messed with my mind because I kept wondering what was wrong with me. How do you have hot fuck with someone and even before they clean up you tell them you are breaking up? He said he was breaking up with me because he needs to focus on his life. Me that he broke up with while I was writing exams, didn’t I have life to focus on?  

    Did you get back together? 

    Esther: We didn’t, but we still had sex. It was a week or two after we had broken up and I was trying to mend my broken heart and move on when he drove to my hostel one night to see me. He wanted me to go back with him to his place and he cried, begged and pleaded with me to come with him. I felt smitten because he was begging me, but I didn’t realise it was only because he wanted to have sex with me. 

    So we didn’t get back together because he kept insisting he couldn’t handle a relationship. We stuck to being friends with benefits.  This continued till 2020. I don’t know why I decided to stick with someone who had no regard for me as a person. I had not properly moved on from the break up yet I was still with him. It got worse when I got pregnant. 

    Tell me about the pregnancy

    Esther: I found out about the pregnancy in June 2020. I was sleeping so much and had cramps for weeks. I was dizzy, had heavy breasts and hadn’t seen my period in weeks. After googling and finding out those are pregnancy symptoms, I took a test. When I saw the positive test strip, whatever remnants of feelings I had for him evaporated. The idea of being pregnant with his child scared him.

    I knew I couldn’t keep it so it was operation fetus deletus immediately after the test confirmed it. The process was eye opening because it made me clearly see that this man didn’t give a shit about me. 

    How did he treat you? 

    Esther: Well for one, on our way to the hospital he agreed to be with me but the moment we got there he changed mouth and said if we went together, the doctor would overcharge. It didn’t seem logical to me, but I agreed to talk to the doctor alone. He’s the kind of person who always thinks in “what ifs”. So he was trying to prevent a situation where a doctor will know he assisted a girl to get an abortion. There’s a level of consciousness he has that has always baffled me. He doesn’t even like tweets of people insulting banks or network providers because he believes he might need a job from them one day or that it might stand in the way of his political ambition. 

    The meeting with the doctor was only stressful because Osas was downstairs and every time I had to pay for something, I had to go downstairs to collect money from him. Even after the surgery and I was dizzy from the medication they gave to me, he was downstairs. At no point did he try to offer me physical or emotional support. 

    When I got home that day, he didn’t even call me to ask about me. The lack of care I got during the whole process was eye-opening. It was when I realised he didn’t even like me because if he did, he would not have treated me that way. 

    Was that the last time you spoke to him? 

    Esther: No, it wasn’t. We had sex again in December 2020. I went to his house to see him because he called and asked for it. I was hoping for a conversation where I could finally confront him about his behaviour, but sex happened instead. It wasn’t as great as it used to be and I think it’s because I got tired of him. 

    Do you think you can ever work out? 

    Esther: I know we can’t. I’ve moved on from him and how he made me feel. When I was with him  I was self-conscious about my body and self, he didn’t care for me how I’d liked, and I sometimes felt used. Nothing can take me back to him again.

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  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Adaeze* (21) and Angel* (23) were roommates who fell in love along the line. In this episode of Love Life, they talk about developing feelings during the ASUU strike, hiding their romance from their other roommates and navigating religious guilt and internalised homophobia. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Love Life

    Tell me your first impression of each other 

    Adaeze: It was September 2021, the beginning of a new school session. She was one of the last people to move into our room, but immediately she came in, she started smiling and talking to everyone as if she’d known us before. 

    Angel: The first time I saw her, I didn’t even think we’d have a good relationship. We didn’t talk as much as I did with my other roommates. She didn’t seem like a social person. 

    The first night we had a conversation, she was saying some homophobic things, so I thought we’d be cordial at best. 

    Adaeze: Yet here I was thinking we’d be friends. I liked the energy she brought into the room. She may have wanted to just be cordial, but I was determined to get to know her better. 

    How did the shift from roommates to friends happen? 

    Angel: The next day, we got a chance to actually have more one-on-one conversations over time. We had this “midnight friendship” where we’d be up together when everyone else was asleep, talking about how our day went. She’s such a good listener. 

    Before I knew what was happening, I was looking forward to having conversations with her. She was so sweet, constantly getting things I wanted and going out of her way to make sure I was comfortable. She’d lay my bed for me or get me food when I’m hungry. 

    Adaeze: I think it dawned on me how close we’d gotten when her birthday rolled around. She’d resumed school a week to her birthday, so of course, we barely knew each other by then, but I wanted to buy her a gift. 

    I kept fighting the urge, so I eventually ended up not doing it. I regretted it so badly because I didn’t think she got as much care as she deserved. Whatever I’d have given her would’ve made a significant difference. I didn’t do it because I didn’t want her to think I was crazy or for her to interpret my actions wrongly. 

    In the past, I’d cared so much about the female friends in my life that people made jokes that I liked girls. It always scared me and hurt my feelings. 

    Angel: It’s not like it stopped you because you bought me food every night from a place I mentioned I liked. 

    Adaeze, why did the jokes bother you? 

    Adaeze: I was scared they were right and I actually liked girls. It was an internal battle because I knew I liked boys, and I thought it could only be one or the other. That’s when I learnt about being bisexual and that was scary too. 

    I’m a Christian. All my life, I’d been taught liking the same sex was wrong. That’s why when Angel helped me point out I had feelings for my best friend, I was so sad. It felt like I had this huge secret I had to spend the rest of my life keeping. 

    Angel: I remember when she came to meet me about her problems. It was February 2022, just before we went on strike. Her best friend had gone on a date with a man, and Adaeze had been sulking the entire day. She’d cooked food at around 5 p.m. and was about to eat when her best friend came back. Someone who’d not eaten all day, she left the room to meet the babe and even slept there. When she came back around 12 p.m. the next day, she kept complaining to me about how hurt she was by her friend going on a date. 

    I couldn’t believe she was so oblivious to her feelings. Everyone in the room could tell she had feelings for her best friend, but not Adaeze. She thought it was just “friendship”. 

    We talked about it and she realised her feelings were not the type you’d have for a friend. Seeing her so hurt about it hurt me too. I wished I could make all her pain disappear. It also made me aware of how jealous I was of their relationship. I had a crush on Adaeze, and I wanted her to feel as strongly for me as she did for this babe. 

    Adaeze: My midnight friend was my only confidant during that period. No matter how busy she was with school and work, whenever I told her I needed to talk, she’d drop everything and attend to me. Then the strike happened and our conversations didn’t immediately translate well over text. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Finally Met Up Because of Christmas Chicken

    What was it like? 

    Angel: Too much time at home, so I was depressed and unable to text. We didn’t talk as much as we did when we were in school. 

    Adaeze: We’d reply each other’s statuses and check in once in a while. 

    Angel: But then, we started calling each other and the conversations were much better. We could be on the phone from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. I don’t think a day went by without us speaking to each other. Even if it was just to see how the other person was doing.  

    Adaeze: Initially, we mostly discussed the issues I had with my best friend, but over time, it became “I just want to hear Angel’s voice.”

    Angel: Sometime in May, I jokingly said that I liked her but was going to suppress it because of her feelings for the other babe. From then, she started to question her feelings towards me and admitted it was beyond platonic. 

    Did it go beyond declaring feelings for each other? 

    Angel: In August, she asked me to be her girlfriend, but we broke up about a month later. Small love wey everyone dey love, e reach my turn, I chop breakfast. 

    Adaeze: I got back from church one day, feeling really bad about being bisexual.  I knew I wasn’t myself, and I didn’t want to carry that energy into our relationship. So I broke up with her. 

    Angel: While I was hurt, I understood how hard it was for her. If there’s anything I’m sure of in my life, it’s that I love her and she loves me just as much. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Became Lovers by Accident

    How was it like when school resumed? 

    Angel: I was so excited to get to see her again. The strike was eight long months, and I missed her. We’ve been unable to stay apart. We’re always cuddling or just staying together, marvelling at each other. 

    I remember when she got dressed to go to church one day, but when she realised it meant leaving me, she sat back down and said she couldn’t go. 

    Adaeze: We talked over the phone throughout my journey to school, and she was the first person I wanted to see as soon as I arrived. I was worried how the other roommates would handle it, but she reminded me that we already spent so much time together and liked each other’s company. That it was nothing new for our roommates to see us being together. 

    Angel: We try to behave so our roommates don’t suspect too much, but behaving is hard. The attraction we share is really strong. Sometimes, she just finds herself on my bed, her hands on my thighs. Other times, it’s me on her bed, unwilling to let go of her.

    Adaeze: Her presence soothes me, and I try to hold on to it for as long as possible. 

    How’ll you describe your relationship?  

    Angel: We’re great friends, and I never want that to change, so we’ll stick to being friends who love each other.

    Adaeze: It’s like honey the world will let us taste and enjoy but won’t let us keep. 

    Angel: In an ideal world, I’d be in a committed relationship with her. I just want to live and do everything with her without having to jeopardise our safety or relationship with family.

    Adaeze: The ideal world is where I get to watch her sleep, be beside her when she wakes up, do all the work and make so much money she won’t need to work. I want to buy her anything she’ll ever want and ensure she’s treated like the princess she is. 

    I want to raise kids with her. Kids who’ll be such a plus to the world and consider themselves lucky to be raised in a home full of love. Whenever Angel walks into a place, it becomes paradise, so our kids will be raised in paradise.

    God, abeg. How’d you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10? 

    Angel: 9 and a half for me. Even though we can’t be together right now, there’s love here and it keeps me at ease. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and on most days, I don’t want to be alive. But when I’m around her, I feel alive and unbothered about everything. The remaining half is for the homophobia that pops up to give us a reality check that there’s a price to pay to be together as we want.

    Adaeze: 9. I feel safe, loved and looked out for. Loving her is so easy because she gives me reasons to day after day. She doesn’t stress me over anything. She’s so smart and thinks ahead about how I’ll take things when she says/does anything. 

    The remaining 1 is because of homophobia too. Knowing that just the existence of our love puts our lives at risk hurts me. If I could, I’d create a world just for us, where we could be anything we want without the fear of discrimination. 

    RELATED: Love Life: Our Friendship Means More to Us Than Our Love

  • Enemies to lovers or second chance lovers? This quiz knows what romance trope your love life is always falling under.

    QUIZ: When Next Will You Fall In Love?

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Mary* (33) and Linda* (29), who’ve been together for two years and ten months. They talk about a failed party that led to exchanging numbers, meeting because of Christmas chicken, a complicated former relationship and dealing with various insecurities.

    How did you meet? 

    Mary: We met at an LGBTQ+ WhatsApp group. 

    Linda: The group was supposed to host a hangout party and she was appointed to head the Port Harcourt branch. The hangout ended up not happening, but I’d saved her number the moment she texted me. 

    Mary: We became status viewers and occasional texters. I was in a complicated relationship at the time, and I needed some new friends so we kept making plans to meet up. 

    Linda: In my mind, I wanted something more than friendship. When she posted her pictures, I saw how very hot she was, so I wanted to have sex with her, maybe even a relationship, anything more than just being her friend. But whenever she spoke, she always mentioned her girlfriend. I knew she was in a relationship, but I didn’t like that she constantly brought it up. It was such a turn off for me. 

    Oh, the complicated relationship

    Mary: The woman I was dating at the time had cheated on me in 2018. She said she’d let the woman go, but she ended up coming back to tell me she was polyamorous.

     I wanted to break up with her, but we lived together, and it was hard to. Mentally, I’d checked out of the relationship, but she didn’t want me to move out, so it was difficult to fall for someone else. 

    After a while, she  told me she wasn’t polyamorous anymore and wanted to be with only me.

    RELATED: Love Life: Being Polyamorous Didn’t Stop My Jealousy

    Yeah, that’s complicated. You mentioned something about both of you meeting up. When did that happen? 

    Linda: On December 23, 2019, a couple of months after we started talking, I posted on my status that I wanted to sell a chicken. She was interested in buying, but we kept going back and forth on who would come to see who. 

    Mary: I couldn’t transfer the payment because, every Christmas time, I withdraw a certain amount of money I’d need for the season ahead. There are always banking and card issues during Christmas season, so I just prefer to use cash. She wanted to send a rider to pick up the chicken, but I didn’t want to give the person cash in case he runs away with my money. I asked her to come deliver it herself because I would be busy at work the next day. She refused and somehow persuaded me to come over. 

    Linda: After all her shakara, she came o. She was standing by one big tree across the road. I saw her, but still called to make sure she was really the gorgeous stem in black jeans and t-shirt with red and white sneakers. 

    She picked up, and my heart melted. I just wanted to walk up to her and give her the kiss of her life. I approached her and couldn’t stop staring. It was love at first sight. 

    Mary: She even forgot to collect her money because she was staring so hard. I had to call her back to reality. 

    Meanwhile, I was thinking of how much this woman stressed me. I closed late from work, and there was traffic everywhere, but I still had to come over to her place to pick up chicken. 

    Did you both get a chance to talk?

    Mary: I had to rush back home, but she called the moment I got to my street, to ask if I got home safely. That was cute.

    Linda: She couldn’t even talk on the phone because she was busy, but then, she promised to call back that night. She never did. 

    Mary: I texted her the next day to explain that I’d dozed off. I asked her out on a date to make up for it. I was still technically dating my ex girlfriend at the time, but I was no longer feeling the relationship. I’d checked out since the cheating incident; I just didn’t leave. 

    Linda: We agreed to watch a movie on the 26th. I can never forget that date.

    Mary: The cinema was overpopulated, so we went to the karaoke lounge instead. 

    Linda: We talked, and she told me everything about her relationship with her ex. I told her about mine, and then, she sang for me. She was so hot, I had to run to the restroom to cool down. 

    Mary: I followed her to the restroom and tried to kiss her there, but she hesitated. As I was about to leave, she grabbed my head and kissed me. 

    Linda: It’s not like I didn’t want to initially. I just wasn’t comfortable with the environment, but clearly, she was too hot for me to care. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Left Our Partners For Each Other

    That’s cute. When did you start dating? 

    Mary: January 4, 2020. 

    Linda: She asked me to be her girlfriend. 

    Mary: On December 28, 2019, I travelled to my village for Christmas. I planned to return to Port Harcourt on the 6th of January, but on the 3rd, she told me to come see her in Umuahia, so I did. 

    Linda: I didn’t believe she would come, but she did. I planned for us to stay together and just relax, but I had a call to come back to Port Harcourt for work, so we left together that night. 

    Mary: We went our separate ways, but when I got home, I saw my girlfriend and another woman half naked on our bed. 

    For the first time in my life, I wasn’t bothered. I just apologised for barging in on them and went to wait in the living room till they were done so I could pack some of my things in the room. She tried to explain what was going on, but I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. 

    Linda: I remember her texting me about what happened. After I was done with the job, she came to meet me and stayed with me till we went home together. 

    Mary: At home, I made us food and told her I wanted her to be my girlfriend officially. She said yes. 

    What about your own girlfriend, Mary? 

    Mary: After Linda and I started dating, I’d told the girlfriend I’d fallen for someone else and was already in a relationship with her. She was angry, but I didn’t care. I moved my property little by little to the apartment I got. 

    Linda: When she told me everything, I started coming around to her house to stress the ex. 

    Mary: I eventually moved out in May, 2020. 

    Linda: At first, I wasn’t comfortable she was still living with her ex, but the more time I spent with Mary, the more I realised she’s not the kind of person to go back to someone once she’s done.

    What’s dating since you both stopped living with your exes? 

    Mary: Well, we don’t live together, but we spend a lot of time together. It’s just that she nags sometimes and assumes things that never happened.

    Linda: Sometimes, she acts like she wants to cheat. She hides her phone a lot when she starts getting admirers, and she gives them her attention.

    Mary: She has my password, but then, I don’t like the idea of her reading my chats each time we get together. I don’t do that to her because I trust her %100, and I wish for that to be reciprocated.

    Linda: It’s not like I don’t trust you. It’s just that I feel insecure once in a while. My ex started a whole relationship right under my nose while we were together. When I see signs that seem like it might be happening again, I start doubting. 

    Mary: It makes me mad, but I understand her. I try my best to assure her I’d never do anything like that to her. 

    Other than that, being with her is amazing. She gives great advice and is great company. 

    On a scale of 1-10, how’ll you rate your love life? 

    Mary: 8. We’re saving up to get married and leave the country. Until then, 8 will do.
    Linda: 9. My insecurities sometimes get in the way, but it’s a great relationship, and I love her.

    RELATED: Love Life: We Bonded Over Our Love For Music

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Taiwo (24) and Abisola (22) didn’t physically meet until three months after they started dating. In this episode of Love Life, they talk about how their music careers created a strong foundation for their relationship and the initial fear of not being physically attracted to each other.

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Love Life

    How did you meet? 

    Abisola: On Twitter.

    Taiwo: When she was fangirling me.

    Abisola: You’re a fool. Who was fangirling? If anything, you were stalking me.

    Taiwo: I wasn’t stalking; I was observing. We had many mutual friends, so I saw her tweets when they interacted with her. Then I’d check her account out whenever it popped up on my timeline. I tried to support her music by tagging artists to check out her covers. That’s what she’s calling stalking. 

    How can she even say I was stalking her when she was the one who followed me first and was constantly interacting with my account? I followed back, and we’d sometimes have music-related discussions and arguments.

    Abisola: So that’s how I was a fangirl? He was the one all over my Twitter account. The mutuals he said we have are people I went to school with. I followed him for two reasons. The first was because I was curious about him. I knew he didn’t go to my school, but he was friends with all these people. 

    The second reason was he had a lot of opinions about music. I love music, and I sometimes refer to myself as a musician. It’s a core part of my identity. He reviewed and wrote about music. We’d sometimes talk about it on the timeline, but we never messaged each other until the day he tweeted about someone sending him a question mark as a message. He was so annoyed about it. I told him I was tempted to send him a message with nothing but a question mark. That’s when he told me I was an exception to the rule and could do that if I wanted, so I did. 

    Taiwo: I was already attracted to her at that point. I had seen her pictures and had concluded she was free to send me whatever she wanted. 

    Abisola: I sent him the three question marks, and we’ve talked ever since. 

    Taiwo: It was so funny because I thought she was joking when she said she would. It turned out she wasn’t, and I found it hilarious. I think it’s important to note that we started all of this in June 2020, so it was during the lockdown, and we both had more time on our hands than we usually would. She was interesting to talk to. We’d talk a lot about music, and then, our day, sharing things about ourselves. A week after we started talking, I texted her that it’s our “one-week talkiversary” and that we should celebrate it. 

    Abisola: I’m not someone who talks to people a lot, so I felt after a while, the conversations would end, and we’d return to normal. I told him that was my reason for not wanting to celebrate talking for one week, but to reach some sort of middle ground, if we were still talking by the end of the month, we can celebrate then. 

    How did you celebrate your one month of talking? 

    Taiwo: We started dating. I texted her that day and told her I wanted us to start dating. 

    Abisola: Looking back, I blame the lockdown because I thought it all happened very fast. We all thought we would die and might never see outside again. So, I honestly thought I had nothing to lose. I liked him, and he was easy to talk to, so I was curious to know what a relationship with him would be like. He loves music as much as I do. It was nice to talk to someone about a passion we shared. I resolved in my mind that if we met, and I hated him, or we couldn’t stand each other, we’d break up. 

    Were you scared of that happening though?

    Abisola: I really was. I had a couple of thoughts running through my mind during the first few months of the relationship. What if he was a catfish? What if I was being deceived? What if we met, and I wasn’t attracted to him? What if I couldn’t stand him? He went to the same school as my sister, so I’d asked some questions about him from her and her friends and they all confirmed that he was a great guy, but about the attraction, I wouldn’t know until we met. I’d resolved that if I still had all these questions in my mind after that, I’d end the relationship. 

    Taiwo: There was the fear that the spark might not be there. But I knew I liked her enough. I’d seen pictures and all, I knew what she sounded like, I just hadn’t seen her in person. So while there was a bit of worry, I knew I was in love with her already.

    RELATED: Love Life: We Didn’t Need Phones, We Had Love 

    So when did you eventually meet, and how did it go?

    Abisola: Well, during the first three months of the relationship, he was in Osun state, and I was in Ogun state. Legally, travelling from one state to another wasn’t possible at the time. Plus, I was living with my parents. How was I going to explain travelling to another state to see a man I’d never met before? 

    By October, the COVID-19 restrictions on travel had been lifted, and I had my passing out parade to attend, so I had to be in Lagos, where he also was because of work. 

    Taiwo: We had our first date, and it was great. I was late because it took me a while to locate the restaurant, but when I saw her looking so pretty, it calmed me. Thankfully, she was sweet and understanding. I apologised a lot, but eventually, I was able to relax a little. Luckily for me, she didn’t leave the conversation for me to carry.

    Abisola: It was a little nerve-wracking, obviously, because it was our first meeting ever, and I had to wait for him for some time. But like I said earlier, it was great. I knew I wanted to keep seeing him after that. 

    Taiwo: The second date happened not too long after. It was a pizza and ice cream date. This time, I got there before her. I was more relaxed so, in my opinion, it was the better date. We had conversations about everything from life to family, and our fears. 

    Abisola: We just sat and talked for hours. Till date, it’s still one of our favourite dates. 

    You mentioned music is a big part of your lives. In what ways? 

    Taiwo: I review music, so it’s not just something that matters to me, but my income also depends on it. I’m more of an afrobeats lover while she’s a musician who loves to listen to neo-soul and alternative RnB. I mean, that’s one of the things that put her on my radar. 

    We share music with each other and are constantly battling over who has the superior taste. Currently, I think I’m winning because she’s stolen all my favourite musicians down to my friend, Aisosa. 

    Abisola: I’ve put you on to great stuff too.

    Taiwo: Yeah, she helped me explore a lot more genres and sounds. 

    Abisola: He’s part of the reason I appreciate Nigerian music a lot more now. 

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    Do you both have an “our song”

    Taiwo: No, we don’t, but we do have artistes we both adore. Show Dem Camp, Lady Donli, the Cavemen — in fact, our first kiss happened at a Cavemen concert. It was our third date, so we were getting quite comfortable around each other. The music was awesome, and we could really unwind. 

    Abisola: It was also the first concert he’d ever attended. He was so cute and shy.The music was amazing, but being there with him made the experience even more enjoyable.

    Taiwo: I won’t be dishonest to say sparks were flying cos it was a short kiss. But it was nice nonetheless. We have shared better kisses since then. 

    Abisola: Almost every important stage of our relationship has been formed by music. It was what attracted me to him, and now, we bond over music. He sends me songs and playlists, and I do the same. It’s always so sweet because it’s like, “Hey, I heard this, and it reminded me of you.” or  “I put together a compilation of songs I think you’ll like”. It’s really the sweetest thing. We talk about everything from industry stuff to things like production and music theory.

    Taiwo: There are times when she’s not in a good place, and I randomly send a song she might like. Or she sends me something she wrote, and it gets me all excited. I think I’m the biggest fan of her music.

    Abisola: I don’t call myself a musician often because I don’t put out a lot of music, so I don’t know what he’s talking about. 

    Taiwo: Don’t mind her. She was the star of a music show in Ibadan a couple of months ago. She’s great at it. 

    Abisola: I haven’t been able to focus on music as much as I’d like because I had to go back to Ibadan for my master’s in 2021. I can’t focus on multiple things at once. 

    I thought you both stayed in Lagos? 

    Taiwo: No o. I stay in Lagos, but she stays in Ibadan. 

    Abisola: Long-distance is currently kicking our ass. When we started the relationship, the distance was manageable because we didn’t know each other well enough, but in 2021, after he redeployed from Sokoto to Ibadan, I knew what it was like to constantly have him around. We were in the same city and could see as much as we wanted. Now, I’m alone here. 

    Taiwo: My schedule is more flexible than hers, so every month, I travel to Ibadan to spend a couple of days. We try to make plans beforehand, so it’s always exciting when we see. Food, movies, outings, gist and everything else. It feels like a monthly vacation because I can escape from the bustle of Lagos with my favourite person. She’s always worried about me travelling too often, but we make it work.

    Abisola: The ideal life will be staying together, but we’re not there yet. 

    How’d you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10? 

    Taiwo: 7 because of the distance, but everything else is perfect. She carries my matter for her head. Every time I have an issue, it’s always, “How’re we going to solve it?” As such, I never feel alone. She’s pretty, sweet and can be funny at times. 

    Abisola: 8. He makes me really happy. I’d be happier if the distance didn’t exist. He gives the best hugs; I literally look forward to them. He’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. The most caring too. He’s quite literally my biggest fan. It’s like God said here’s your person, made perfectly for you.  

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