Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Fegor (21) and Michael (26). They talk about meeting on Tinder, not having a real first date and moving in together one month after they started dating.
Michael: Yeah, in December 2021. I swiped right because of her radiant beauty honestly. She has one of those contagious smiles that light up a room. She has incredible skin and beautiful almond eyes. I couldn’t wait to see if she would swipe back.
Fegor: On dating apps, I usually swipe right because I think the person is attractive. He has a pretty face and had a blunt in one of his pictures, so that was it for me.
Michael: When I saw we’d matched, I was excited af. I sent her a message letting her know how much I couldn’t wait to see her smile again. Mind you, this was all at like 4.a.m. Chicago time, and Ii had work at 6.a.m. the next morning, but I couldn’t wait to talk to her. Thankfully, I work remotely, so I just had to find the strength to roll out of bed two hours later.
Fegor: I wasn’t surprised about the match because men on Tinder are easy, but the text about seeing me smile was really cute. That’s why about two days later, we moved to Instagram.
Right off the bat, with the text he sent and how into the conversation I was, I knew I wanted to meet up with him in person. However, it was Christmas break and I was in a different state from him. We talked every day until I returned to Chicago. When I started falling asleep to him on FaceTime, I knew I was in trouble.
FaceTime is how they get you
Fegor: Really. It’s what helped me realise I have feelings for him. Whenever I match with people on Tinder, I tell them I live in Chicago when I really don’t. I don’t stay too far away, but I just lie to them. With him though, I wanted to make concrete plans to hang out with him, so I had to come clean.
Interesting. So what was it like when you eventually hung out?
Fegor: I’m still lowkey vexing for him because of that day. I was bamboozled. He didn’t take me on a real first date. He just picked me up from my friend’s apartment, took me to a smoke store to get some stuff, then to his apartment. The moment we got there, he literally carried me into his room. We watched some shows, smoked, talked and had sex the whole night. I came on Thursday and was meant to leave the next morning, but I ended up staying with him till Sunday when I had to go to school.
Michael: I swear there was no bamboozling going on. A week or two prior to meeting her, I’d arranged a date with another woman who was interested in grabbing a drink. The night of the date came and she stood me up. It was my first time trying to plan an actual date since I broke up with my ex of 3+ years, and that really impacted how I felt about it at the moment. I guess it just put a really bad taste in my mouth about planning first dates.
I look back at it and think about how dumb that was. I’m spending the rest of the relationship trying to make it up to her.
So you both knew you had feelings for each other?
Michael: Yes, but she confessed it first when we were on molly together later in January.
I was so happy when she said it because I’d been feeling the same way. So I was like, “Wait, what you say?” She got shy and tried to deny saying it, but I asked her to say it again, and she did. My smile and eyes grew wider and then I told her I loved her too.
Fegor: That’s cap. It wasn’t when I was on molly. That time, I was just telling him how no one had ever made me feel safe and how I think this is what love feels like. I told him I loved him on the Sunday morning when I was about to leave Chicago the first time we hung out. We used to say, “I’m falling for you” instead of “I love you” because we didn’t want to use that word. But it slipped out then he told me to say it again and I did. He said it back to me after he made me repeat myself. Since then, we’ve been saying it to each other like 1000 times a day.
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When did y’all start dating?
Michael: I asked her about a month after we first met. I straight up told her I really liked and enjoyed being with her, and I wanted to make it official. She actually put me on ice and told me to ask again later because she wasn’t sure she was ready to get into another relationship yet.
A couple of months go with us going on dates and seeing each other, then around April, I could tell she was comfortable with how we stood and how we clicked. I set up a cute picnic by an arboretum and pond, gave her a promise ring and asked her if she was ready.
Fegor: I feel like when he first asked me out I was really scared. I’d just gotten out of a toxic relationship like a month or two before we met, so I thought it’d be stupid to have another boyfriend so soon. Plus, I was meant to be on a healing journey. But the second time, I was like I really love this guy. It’s not his fault my last bf was an “ain’t shit” guy. Plus, the way he did it was really cute with the flowers and picnic and promise ring.
I wanted and was ready to be his girl officially. I knew he loved me by the way he talked, listened and played with me; the way he made time for me, paid for me to get things done and even helped me scam my plug. He used to leave his high rise to come to my ratchet ass rural town and sleep in my dorm room as just so he could spend time with me. He took time off work so he could stay and watch Euphoria together one Sunday night. Everything was just so perfect. I couldn’t say no.
My chest. What’s the relationship like now?
Fegor: A month after we started dating, we moved in together. It happened in May 2022, after I graduated from college. He offered and I didn’t have better options. I was scared though because people are always like, “Oh. Don’t move in with your partner.” When I stayed with my ex for a month one summer, he treated me so badly and used to kick me out. Luckily, I love living with Michael.
The original plan was to move out of his place after I got a job, but neither of us want that anymore. I tell him all the time that his/our apartment is the safest place I’ve lived in my whole life. I love that I get to come home to him everyday, and we cuddle, fuck, smoke and binge-watch shows together. We eat, shower, take baths and host friends together. I prefer this to living alone or having roommates.
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So you have no issues at all?
Michael: For me, I honestly don’t have any issues with the living situation.
Fegor: Sometimes, we have roommate issues. He’s really hairy, so his hair is always allover the bathroom and that annoys me, but he cleans it up more now. I also don’t like when he says he’ll do something, like vacuum the carpet or hang up something, then he doesn’t do it.
And there are some codependency things that creep up. Like we always eat dinner together, so sometimes, even if I’m really hungry and he isn’t home yet, I actually starve and wait for him.
How do y’all handle these issues?
Fegor: I think one of my favorite things about us is how we communicate. Before him, I didn’t know you could communicate issues without shouting, fighting or crying.
For his hair, I just told him about it. Sometimes, I still see hair in the tub, sink or on the floor. I either clean it because it’s not that deep and he cleans after me too, or when I’m not in the mood, I tell him to do it. I actually don’t like repeating myself, so I don’t pester him except we’re having visitors and I need to make the apartment look nice. He’s honestly so nice to me and always wants to make me happy so he’d apologise and do it.
As for eating, I actually don’t mind waiting. I like eating and watching a show or movie with him, so I wait. But if I’m really hungry, and he’s not back when he said he’d be, I’d eat.
What does the future look like for both of you?
Fegor: I hope we’re both grown in our careers so we can invest in small side hustles together. I also want to travel the world with him.
I always have so much fun when we’re together. One of my favourite memories with him is going to the beach together in June 2022. He didn’t want to get in the water so I basically carried him and spun him around in it and he did the same to me too. It was just really really nice.
We don’t know how we feel about kids, but he’s husband material so I’d like to marry him eventually. We do have a puppy, and if we get bored we’d probably get another one.
Michael: I’ll say this is spot on.
Rate your love life on a scale of 1-10
Fegor: 10. I’m really happy and at peace. Everything is blissful, and I’m very satisfied.
Michael: I’ll give it a 20/10. I haven’t felt this happy and secure in a relationship ever. The feeling is unmatched. We share common goals about what we want our relationship to be and look like. I also feel like we communicate in such a respectful way and we make serious efforts to understand and meet each other’s needs. We know each other’s love languages so well and our sex life is amazing.
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