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  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad. 

    Tobi (24) was a girl’s girl until she moved to Canada and had five painful fallouts with the women she befriended. In this story, she shares how male-centred women have hurt her and made life in Canada lonelier than she thought it would be.

    Where do you live, and when did you move from Nigeria?

    I live in Canada. I left Nigeria in  January 2023 to start a university program.

    How has life been since you moved to Canada?

    I’m honestly not enjoying the experience. It’s so cold and lonely, and the weather particularly affects everybody’s emotions. I’m almost in my third year of university, and nothing has changed.

    Have you tried making friends?

    I’ve tried, but most of the friends I’ve made in Canada are male-centred. When they are single, we are okay and enjoying our friendship, but they become distant when they find a boyfriend. This isn’t something that has happened to me only once. I’ve experienced it with at least five friends, so it’s become a continuous pattern.

    The entire thing has drastically reduced my desire to make female friends because I’m always wondering what will happen once she gets into a relationship. What if she finds a boyfriend and suddenly starts ignoring me? Or what if she starts accusing me of being a jealous friend if I offer relationship advice she doesn’t like? I think I’m done making friends with women here. I never experienced this in Nigeria.

    Do you think this problem is just a Canadian thing?

    I’ve tried analysing it but haven’t figured it out yet. Maybe they’re this way here because Nigeria is conservative, and people are not usually allowed to fully and freely express love. So now that these girls finally have a chance to date without any constraints, they are allowing their whole lives to revolve around their men.

    The thing is at the end of the day, a man is just a man. It makes me sad to say this, but I finally understand why some women say they don’t want female friends. I’ve always been a girl’s girl, but female friendship in Canada has been too problematic in general.

    How have these experiences affected your stay in Canada?

    It has made me more paranoid. Somebody recently tried contacting me to ask if we could be friends, but my heart wasn’t in it. I don’t know how to love in bits and pieces. If you’re my friend, I’m giving you all my love. I can’t afford to do that with someone who will throw our friendship away for a man again.

    I  know I can’t always predict where new friendships can lead, but these days,  I don’t even try finding out anymore. I used to be such a high-effort person. Now, I’m a low-effort friend. It might sound like an exaggeration, but I’ve had painful experiences.

    One of my recent awful experiences has been with Maria, a friend I met in my school hostel. We bonded and formed a beautiful friendship and it remained so until she met a guy and decided to ghost me.

    Before the guy came into the picture,  we hung out all the time, spent time in each other’s rooms, and ate together, but she ghosted me for him, even though he wasn’t even her boyfriend. 

    Whenever she gets into a fight with the guy, she returns and acts like we are friends again, but once they resolve their issue, she starts ignoring me all over again. Even the times she comes back, we only talk about her and her boy problems. If I try to talk about my life, she somehow interrupts and makes it about herself.

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    All the time she has come back after ghosting me, she only did so to ask me for relationship advice, and whenever I gave my honest opinion, she got annoyed. When they reconcile, she’ll accuse me of trying to cause problems in her relationship. There’s no way I’ll see a guy treat my friend poorly and support that she remains in that relationship. If I tell her that the guy is manipulative, she’ll accuse me of being jealous.

    Now, I’ve stopped indulging her.  This trend of her ghosting me when she and her boyfriend are on good terms and returning when they are fighting has been going on for months. And it hurts me because Maria and I were inseparable. Now, we can’t even hang out anymore if the guy isn’t joining us. 

    She doesn’t like to hang out with you without her man?

    Yes. There was a thing we made plans to attend together, but then she changed plans and said she’d prefer the guy to accompany us. On the day of the event, the guy got upset with her for some reason and cancelled. You’d think that Maria would still come with me to the event, but she cancelled too, saying she wouldn’t feel comfortable going out without her man. It’s always high and low, and it’s not even just her. I’ve had too many experiences like this with the Nigerian girls in Canada. Maria, for example, has been on good terms with her man for a few months and has ghosted me again. The guy will do her dirty again, and she’s come running back to me, but I’ll no longer indulge her. I’ve mentally tapped out of the friendship. 

    Have you tried telling her how you feel?

    When I tell you there’s been zero communication on this girl’s part, I mean zero. This girl doesn’t even message me to find out if I’m alive. There’s no point trying to work on a friendship she doesn’t seem interested in, and it’s disappointing because she was a good friend before she became so male-centred. 

    I’m so sorry about that

    Thank you. I’ve cut off all my friends here. I don’t understand why everybody is so crazy about men. I held them in high regard, but them constantly making me look bad when I try to ensure the men in their lives do not exploit them is insane to me. I’ll no longer be interfering in anybody’s love life moving forward. Even if I make new friends and they ask me for advice on relationships, I’ll take them to a professional rather than give them my honest opinion.

    What did your friendship circle in Nigeria look like?

    I made the best friends of my life in Nigeria. There were never any dramatic fights. Even when we were dating other people, we made time for each other and prioritised our friendship.

    Would you recommend Canada to other Nigerians?

    Not at all. I wanted to stay in the UK because there’s a better community for Nigerians there, and my friends in the UK seem happy with their lives.  But moving to the UK was more expensive than Canada, so I ended up here.  To be fair, Canada isn’t a bad place to live; it’s much better than Nigeria. I haven’t struggled to get a job since I moved here, but in Nigeria, I could submit my resume to twenty different places and get twenty rejections. It’s a clean country, and electricity is constant. It’s just the loneliness and weather that make it hard to live in. 

    On a scale of one to 10. How happy are you in Canada?

    Seven. It would be higher if I weren’t lonely and had better friends.

    Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT). 

    Before you go, join other Zikoko readers to help us create better for you by taking this 10-minute survey.

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  • We’re celebrating Women all month long and what’s sweeter than a great friendship?  We love a sisterhood over here, so to celebrate, we went out and spoke to some young women about the female friendships that have impacted them positively, and we got to hear some amazing stories. Enjoy! 

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    “She helped boost my self-confidence” — Jade*, 26

    In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?

    So we met in our first year of university because we were in the same department and hostel, and became fast friends.
    My parents were overprotective, so I grew up very sheltered. I also had two siblings who were more academically adept than I was (and my younger sister was much prettier—which people constantly told me). So when I got to university, I was sorely lacking in self-confidence.

    My best friend Temi* was the exact opposite. I’d never met anyone that was so self-assured. So when she’d tell me that I was beautiful and intelligent for the first time in my sixteen years of life, I actually started to believe it. I was really mean to myself when I was younger about everything, but she was always there to reassure me.

    We also wore roughly the same size, and she liked clothes, so when she did routine declutters, she’d always save the best for me and give suggestions on how to pair them. 

    Our friendship has really boosted my self-confidence in my looks, my intelligence, and my self-worth. It has also made me more intentional about the type of men I allow in my space.

    What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?

    In our second year in school, I was in a friends-with-benefits situation with a guy because he claimed he didn’t like labels. Once, he left me stranded after I had travelled from Ife to Ibadan to see him. He basically wasn’t reachable, and I had to make several calls to estranged friends from secondary school to find a place to sleep that night because it was late by the time I gave up on reaching him. The guy called me a week later to apologize because his phone was bad and promised it wouldn’t happen again a second time.

    When I told Temi about my plans to go and see this guy again, she said, and I remember it verbatim, “Jade, you’re a beautiful woman. Even if he doesn’t rate you, why don’t you rate yourself?”

    After that, my standard for dating men became any man that I knew she’d approve of — I was still working on my self-worth at the time, so it was just easier to judge men based on what Temi thought I deserved). It saved me a lot of heartbreak and embarrassment till I was more confident in myself and my choices. She’s still my go-to whenever I feel down.

    “Even though my husband disapproved, she encouraged me to forge ahead in my profession” — Bolade*, 54

    In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?

    We have been friends since we attended Sacred Hearts Primary School in Ibadan in the 70s. She has been a constant source of encouragement to me throughout our friendship.
    Even though my husband disapproved, she encouraged me to forge ahead in my profession and that has allowed me to get to where I am today. I will always be grateful to God for her.

    What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?

    My best friend got pregnant when we were in our final year of polytechnic study. It was a gruelling time and I had to help me do basically everything because the pregnancy was tough on her. What really stood out to me then was that even though she could barely move because of exhaustion and morning sickness, she would write me pages of letters about how much she appreciated my help and how she would repay me when she got better.

    Her daughter is almost thirty years old today and it feels like she’s my daughter too. Our many years together has been more than enough repayment in my eyes.

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    “They uplift me, remind me how special I am and hold me accountable.” — Tola*, 25

    In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?

    I really feel lucky to have a group of female friends who don’t make me feel alone. They uplift me, remind me how special I am and sometimes, when necessary, they hold me accountable. I think it’s also important to mention that my friendships aren’t perfect. There are certain friends I can’t share all parts of myself with but, I don’t love them less, I can simply see that there might be parts of me they can’t understand yet. However, I still have other female friends that nurture the parts of me that are hidden.

    Sometimes, I try to hold everything inside. Their friendship made me realize that I don’t have to feel alone; I can always share what I’m feeling with my girls.

    What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?

    We went together as a group to support one of our friends because her dad had passed a day before her birthday. We wanted to show our support, and we got attacked by some of her dad’s family members for bringing up her birthday. They called us all sorts of names. 

    Long story short, we stood up for each other that day. It was a bit funny because one person started crying, and soon enough, almost all of us were crying while they were chasing us away. The whole thing made me realize that these are my people. We cry and laugh together, and we defend each other no matter what. 

    Just like birds of a feather flock together, the hottest babes in the world are coming together next month to party at HERtitude 2025! Grab your tickets here so you don’t miss the best women-only party of the year.

    “Her support is my greatest superpower.” — Biola*, 33

    In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?

    I have a really poor relationship with my half sisters because of our family dynamic and Dera’s friendship— going on fifteen years now— has completely redefined what sisterhood means to me.
    She essentially adopted me into her own family and we have been sisters since. We’ve been thick as thieves since JSS 1 and as we grow older it just gets better. I’m happy I have someone to rely on, to gist and gossip with and to bare my soul to. She’s very special to me.

    What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?

    When I lost my job in 2023, she had me move in with her for almost six months. During that time, she helped me revamp and CV, sent me job applications that we filled together and encouraged me after every rejection letter. She didn’t let me go back to my place until I got a new and better paying job. Her support is my greatest superpower.

    “she has never stopped believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.” — Jemi*, 21

    In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?

    I used to be bullied a lot in secondary school, and she always had my back. Even after I eventually left the school, she never stopped defending me. When I struggled academically, she was there to help me pick up, and she has never stopped believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. 

    Knowing I always have someone in my corner has helped me so much mentally. I also make better financial decisions now because she gave me some of the best financial advice.

    What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you? 

    It’s hard to pick just one, but coming out to her as bisexual and not feeling judged for it made me feel safe and normal. She didn’t blow it out of proportion; she just treated it as she would if I was talking about any other thing.

    “She has made me believe in the power of sisterhood.” — Shola*, 27

    In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?

    I struggle with depression and used to have the worst coping habits when I was in a downward slump. Meeting Simi* has completely changed that for me. She showed me healthier ways to deal with my emotions and better ways to express myself. She’s my favourite person.

    Because of her, I am no longer afraid of the future. There is literally nothing I can’t do as long as we’re together. She has made me believe in the power of sisterhood.

    What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you? 

    When we were in our final year of university, my laptop crashed and I lost the first three chapters of my project that I’d spent all my money and time on. I decided I was going to drop out and gave up on redoing it. 

    This babe came to my room in school pretending she wanted to come for a sleepover and spent the entire night piecing my project back together from the notes on my table and earlier versions I had sent to our group chat. That act still leaves me speechless today: it was the only reason I was able to graduate. I can’t quantify my love for this woman.

    “They have given me a community that is not bound by distance.” — Sarah*, 28

    In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?

    My friend group has been with me through thick and thin. I had to move out of the country for school when I was sixteen and despite the time difference, they were intentional about checking in on me, encouraging me and making sure I had community because I attended a school with very few black people. After school, when I was struggling to get a job, they would chip in money and send it to me to buy coffee or a nice lunch and that really touched me.

    They have given me a community that is not bound by distance. I visit Nigeria as often as I can, and it doesn’t feel like I ever left. Those girls are my sisters for life.

    What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you? 

    It’s very hard for me to study by myself so during my exam prep, they’d hop on a group video call with me and study or read a book just so I didn’t feel alone and I could concentrate. I graduated in the top percentile of my class, and I always attribute my success to their support.

    If you enjoyed reading this you’ll also enjoy: Then vs Now: 5 Nigerian Muslims on How Ramadan With Their Partner Has Evolved

  • Making new friends as an adult is hard. Making friends with Nigerian women? That’s a different level of difficulty. Between men who mistake friendliness for flirting and women who’ve been burnt by shady friendships, many women are cautious about letting new people into their circle. But if you genuinely want to be her friend, here’s how to do it without looking suspect.

    “See gist? Join gist”

    You can’t form a friendship without conversation. If she’s passionately arguing about whether Wizkid or Davido is the GOAT, and you have something interesting to add, that’s your in. Just don’t be a contrarian for vibes. Nobody likes the person who kills the flow of a conversation just to be different. *Amaka, 28, shares: 

    “One of my closest friends today is someone I met at a restaurant. I was ranting about how some Nigerian waiters are super friendly, and she jumped in to agree. We started gisting like we had known each other forever. I left with a friend and a new restaurant plug.”

    Pro tip: If you’re jumping into a conversation, add something meaningful or funny. Don’t just agree for agreement’s sake — contribute something that keeps the gist flowing.

    “Never underestimate bathroom breaks in social gatherings”

    If you’re looking for an organic way to make friends, the women’s bathroom in a fancy restaurant, club or even at all-women events like #HERtitude is prime real estate. Compliments flow freely, and bonds are formed over lipstick adjustments and outfit malfunctions. *Bimpe, 27, shares how she met two of her closest friends:

    “Two of my cutest friendships started in the bathroom of a lounge. One was from helping a girl adjust her wig, and the other was from complimenting a woman’s dress. We exchanged numbers, started hanging out, and now, we’re pretty tight. To be honest, I’ve had to slow down a little because I’m always ready to make friends whenever I run into cute babes in the restroom. I watched Ayra’s “All The Love” video, and it was so relatable.”

    Pro tip: A well-timed compliment is the ultimate icebreaker. If you see a babe struggling with her outfit, offer to help. Just don’t be overfamiliar; read the room.

    TAKE THE QUIZ: Are You Really Your Best Friend’s Best Friend?

    “Shared interests are your best bet”

    Friendships thrive on common ground. If she’s talking about something you love — books, music, fitness, anime, skincare — contribute to the conversation naturally. You don’t need to force a deep connection in one conversation; just keep showing up and engaging over time. *Ife, 34, shares:

    “I made a friend because she saw me reading a book she loved and struck up a conversation. Another one happened at the gym. She was struggling with a routine, I helped out, and we ended up bonding over how wicked personal trainers can be. We aren’t exactly friends friends, but we’ve gotten to that point of just looking out for each other in the gym. I think there’s a future where we become besties if we both lean into it. Fingers crossed.”

    Pro tip: If she mentions something you’re also passionate about, don’t just nod, engage! Ask about her favorite book, recommend a song, or suggest a workout challenge if it’s a gym situation.

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    “Don’t lead with ‘Let’s be friends’”

    Friendship is best when it happens naturally. Telling someone outright that you want to be their friend can come off as strange or even suspicious. Focus on being a fun, engaging person, and let the connection form on its own. *Kenny, 30, shares:

    “A babe once came up to me at a wedding and said, ‘I think we’d make great friends.’ I smiled, but in my head, I was like, ‘Why? Do you want to use me for ritual?’ Obviously, I didn’t say that to her, but I felt the exchange was so random. I gave her my number sha because I didn’t know how to turn her down.”

    Pro tip: Let the friendship form naturally through conversation and shared experiences. Announcing your intentions might make things super awkward.

    “The mutual friend route is your surest plug”

    If you and a potential friend have a mutual connection, use that to your advantage. Group hangouts, bridal showers, birthday parties, or even WhatsApp group chats are solid ways to ease into a new friendship without the awkwardness of a cold approach. *Esther, 24, shares how she connected with a babe on an aso-ebi girlies WhatsApp group. 

    “I became friends with a girl because we were both on the bridal train of a wedding. We didn’t even like the bride that much, but we bonded over the ridiculous tasks they were giving us.”

    Pro tip: Use group hangouts or online interactions to build rapport first. If you’re in a WhatsApp group chat together, react to her messages, share jokes, and ease into private conversations.

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    “Be consistent, but don’t force it”

    Friendships need time to grow, so check in, send memes, and invite her out once in a while. But if she’s not reciprocating the energy, take the L in peace and move on. Not every friendship shot will land, and that’s okay. *Tolu, 28, can relate. 

    “I remember liking this girl in my first year in uni. She just had this really cool vibe and I wanted to be in her clique so bad. We had a couple of exchanges in class, but she wasn’t getting my green light. So, I switched things up and tried to befriend her. But every time I reached out, she was either busy or unresponsive. I’d keep space for her in public lectures, and she’d appreciate my effort but it never went past that. I eventually took the hint and moved on. No hard feelings.”

    Pro tip: Friendships should be mutual. If she’s not reciprocating your energy, don’t overstay your welcome. Some shots will miss, and that’s okay. Focus on people who genuinely want to connect.

    Speaking of women supporting women, have you copped your tickets to #HERtitude2025? It’s Zikoko’s all-female concert, designed just for you. Don’t miss out on good vibes, great music, and a chance to connect with the hottest babes in Nigeria. Grab your tickets here.

    READ THIS NEXT: 33 Sweet Names to Call Your Female Friends in 2025

  • Wondering if your female colleague sees you as just another work friend or if she’s low-key catching feelings? Whether you’re her male or female co-worker, the signs she likes you—romantically or platonically—can be easy to miss while y’all are slaving away for capital. That’s why we’ve compiled 20 telltale signs on how to know if a girl likes you at work to help you figure out where you stand.

    Let’s get into it.

    How to know a female co-worker likes you as a platonic friend

    16 Clear Signs to Tell if A Girl Likes You at Work

    She’s always at your desk

    If you’ve got a female colleague who loves dropping by your side of the office, she’s probably into your company.

    She’s always starting conversations

    If she actively seeks you out to chat about work and personal interests, it’s likely because she enjoys conversing with you. 

    Wants to walk home together

    Nothing screams “I rate you” quite like a colleague who wants to walk home with you after a long day at work. It’s heavy on the grown-up primary school bestie vibes.

    She cares about your feeding

    If she’s using her hard-earned salary to buy your lunch or always checking if you’ve eaten, it’s a sign that she cares about you.

    How to know your female co-worker likes you as a platonic female friend

    16 Clear Signs to Tell if A Girl Likes You at Work

    She knows when it’s your time of the month

    If she notices it’s that time of the month and goes the extra mile to ease your day or offers to take on some of your workload, this girl is bestie material.

    She calls you “bestie” and not your real name

    Bonus points if your colleagues also call you “Esther’s bestie” instead of your actual government name.

    She takes restroom breaks with you

    Remember back in school when you suddenly had to go to the restroom because your bestie was granted a bathroom pass? It’s the same here.

    She likes pushing for sleepovers

    That’s likely because she’s not just about the office vibes; she also wants to know you outside the confines of capitalism. 

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    How to know if a female co-worker likes you romantically as a guy

    16 Clear Signs to Tell if A Girl Likes You at Work

    She finds excuses to touch you

    Even if the workplace isn’t the most ideal place for PDA, she’ll always manage to place a hand on your shoulder or tap you when she wants your attention.

    She’s interested in your love life

    If she’s always asking questions about your dating or relationship status, there’s a chance she’s trying to figure out if there’s room for her.

    She invites you to out-of-office hangouts

    If she’s calling for beach or movie hangouts, or wanting to introduce you to her favourite amala spot, she’s probably open to more than just work friendship.

    Her friends know about you

    If she’s introducing you to her friends, she might be checking to see if you’d make a good friend… or a great partner.

    How to know if your female co-worker likes you romantically as a girl

    She’s curious about your sexuality 

    If she’s suddenly interested in your sexual orientation, she’s likely testing the waters for common ground.

    She gets jealous when you hang out with the other work girlies

    This might be an indication that she doesn’t want to share your company with someone else, especially not the other 101 hot girls in the office.

    She flirts A LOT

    If she stares deeply into your eyes, brushes imaginary dirt off your clothes, or “accidentally” dusts off your shoulder, she’s not here just for “work bestie” status.

    She remembers everything

    You casually mention hating onions, and now she’s practically ready to pick a fight with HR if they add onion rings to the snack options. She’s got you memorised like the lines on her palms? And that’s something.

    Enjoyed this piece about how to know if a girl likes you at work? Read this next: I’ve Only Ever Dated Women Who Financially Support Me

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  • The first rule of engagement when conversing with anyone is courtesy. However, with ladies, basic courtesy might do little to nothing to move the exchange from point A to B. If you’re looking to make a new female bestie, here are tips that can help you start a conversation with a girl. 

    Let’s get into them.

    how to start a conversation with a girl

    Starting a Conversation With a Girl Online

    There are lots of unhinged folks on social media, so if she’s ignoring your texts or not into the convo, your approach is probably wrong. Here’s how you can fix that

    Keep a public profile

    Seriously? Your page is private, no display picture,  and you have no posts on your feed? It’s giving catfish and you need to fix up.

    Introduce yourself

    Even if you have a public profile with photos and bits of information about you, it shouldn’t take the place of talking a little about yourself. What you like or hate, countries you’ve been…No better way to discover shared interests to bond over. 

    Text like a sane human

    “Wodup, WYD?, Xup, Am, Good PM.” 

    You’ll probably get blocked if you use any of these lines before you get a chance to prove that you have sense. 

    Be genuine

    Why are you in her DMs? Be sincere from the beginning. This can go a long way in setting the tone of your potential friendship.

    Ask open-ended questions

    Don’t be the regular-shmegular who asks “Yes and No” type questions and gets pissed off when you get “Yes and No” responses.

    Listen and respond

    Wait, she shares a lengthy ass narration of an experience and you don’t have follow up questions to show you genuinely followed the convo? You are not ready and she’s probably better off not being your friend. 

    Be generous with compliments 

    Everyone likes compliments. Tell her what you like and why you like it. But hey, she’ll probably catch you faster than you can say sorry if you’re whining her. 

    But skip the endearments

    No, she’s not your baby and she’s not your “dear”. Don’t do it.

    Avoid asking to meet up

    You’ve barely texted for 24 hours and you’re asking to meet up because “I’m more lively in person”. 

    Starting a Conversation With a Girl Physically

    So you’ve run into this girl, and you want them in your corner. Here’s how to bag that first conversation and turn it into a potential friendship or relationship.

    Be confident

    Yes, we know you want her in your corner but it’s not enough reason to lose your composure. During your first encounter, maintain eye contact as much as you can.

    Look the part

    It takes a lot of work to change the narrative if you make the wrong first impression. If your outfit is giving “Who be Kwasogbu?”,  it’s probably best to postpone that first conversation to another time.

    Give a genuine compliment

    Complimenting a stranger is probably the easiest way to get their attention. Once you tell her how nice her hair or makeup is, follow the next tip.

    Introduce yourself

    Don’t be that person who goes for “Babes. My dear” simply because you failed to ask for her name from the start, or worse still, forgot. A nice intro is never out of fashion.

    Listen actively

    Remember, this is a face-to-face interaction and the shitty network won’t work. If your new girly is giving you the tea, you better pay attention and take notes.

    Minimal physical touch

    Remember, she doesn’t know you from jack. Don’t invade her personal space by touching her hair all because “I love this hairstyle”, or any other body parts. Keep your hands to yourself.

    Don’t get too personal

    Be careful not to overshare just to appear like an open book or get them to also give you details about their lives. There will be time for that later.

    Know when to leave

    Understand that some people are socially awkward and you might need more than one random convo to interest them. If they don’t want to push the interaction further, please take the cue and leave.

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    Enjoyed this piece on how to start a conversation with a girl? Read this next: How To Chat Like A Nigerian Man

  • In a perfect world, everyone (read as “men”) minds the business that pays them and, most importantly, stays out of women’s business. 

    But we’re not in a perfect world, and that’s why — in big 2024 — we still have to debunk misconceptions about girls who love to party and attend women-only parties.

    Women-only parties = Queer orgies

    Someone woke up and decided that women-only parties are just an excuse for the queer community to meet and organise elaborate genital meet-and-greets, and incels decided to run with it. Someone needs to get everyone who believes this a role in Nollywood because the imagination choke. Sorry that women having fun by themselves is such a foreign concept to some of you.

    It’s all double standards

    Once men hear something like HERtitude is dedicated to women alone, they start crying about discrimination and asking, “Why can’t you do the same for only men?” My brothers in the Lord, is there anything stopping you from doing your own?

    They don’t really like each other

    People will really see babes do as much as follow each other to the toilet at parties and believe they’re just scheming about how to collect each other’s boyfriends. Again, I’m so sorry that female friendships feel like a myth to some of you. Women actually enjoy each other’s company.

    They just want to misbehave

    Some people still think women only come together to get wasted and engage in catfights. No, we come to have fun and be comfortable in our own skin without apology. If we shout occasionally to show our excitement, so be it.

    Someone has to be bankrolling her

    How else are women expected to find the money to have a good time? It’s not like they can have jobs or excel at business.

    They’re actually doing hook-up

    In summary, any girl who loves going to parties is using style to find a “client”. Make it make sense.

    HERtitude can’t be fun without men

    All the pictures and videos showing babes having the time of their lives were all a giant plot to hide the emptiness we felt because the other gender wasn’t there to ogle us.

    Well, HERtitude is back, and we’ll gather all the hot babes to do it all over again and have the most amazing time while at it. Have you gotten a ticket yet? You should do so right now.

    NEXT READ: The Only Hot Babe Playbook You Need in This Sapafied 2024

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  • I don’t know who concluded that all women do is backbite and gossip about each other, but genuine female friendships can be the sweetest relationships ever. I asked seven Nigerian women to share the most thoughtful gift they’ve received from a female friend, and their responses were so sweet.

    Image designed by Freepik

    Amara, 27

    I launched my online business in 2023, and my best friend made sure she was the first person to patronise me. She bought something worth ₦50k and paid ₦100k for it. I cried so much. She was planning for her mother’s burial at the time and shouldn’t have been in a position to even offer emotional support, talk more of financial. But that’s just who she is. I’m so grateful for her.

    Tobi, 26

    I’d only known my closest friend for six months when I got married in 2022. But this babe went all out for me. She wasn’t the chief bridesmaid (my sister was), but she organised a surprise bridal shower, came to stay with me three days prior so I wouldn’t stress, got me a blender as a wedding gift and even distributed souvenirs at the wedding reception. We’ve been friends for two years now, and she’s still the same caring human being. We’ve even passed friendship. We’re sisters now.

    Jola*, 30

    I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for two years, and my childhood friend never hid her disapproval. But she always welcomed me with open arms when I’d come crying about yet another thing my ex had said or done to me. Sometimes, he’d block me everywhere for a couple of days then come back to beg me.

    When the last incident left me crying for three days, my friend paid for a therapist appointment and took me there without telling me where we were going. I got back with my ex a few days later, but I saw the therapist for about two months, and the appointments eventually gave me the morale to end the relationship for good. I have my friend to thank for that.

    Debbie, 24

    I was travelling from Abuja to Lagos in 2022, but our bus kept having issues on the road. It stopped again around Ogun state at 1 a.m., and the driver was suggesting we’d have to sleep there so he could call a mechanic in the morning. I’d been keeping my friend (who lived in Ogun) updated about my movement, and when she heard that, she convinced her dad to come pick me up. When I got to her house, she had a meal waiting for me. It wasn’t exactly a material gift, but she probably saved my life that night. What gift tops that?

    Detola*, 25

    My two closest friends and I have a tradition of surprising each other for our birthdays. When one person is celebrating, the other two gather money and plan the surprise. 

    I was really broke in 2023 and couldn’t contribute to one of the birthdays. My other friend took it up without issues. She got a bracelet and had it engraved to say it came from both of us. Our other friend never even knew what happened.

    RELATED: 10 Ways to Make Sure You Never Receive a Bad Birthday Gift

    Joy, 20

    When I broke my juicer, I nearly lost my mind because juicing was the one thing I constantly did for my late dad when he was ill. I told my friend how my family thought I was overreacting over such a small thing, and she didn’t say much. Only for her to show up at my house the next week with a new juicer. I cried.

    Chisom, 35

    Pregnancy and childbirth did a number on me. I had my baby in 2017 and was so depressed after. To make it worse, I started losing my hair. It felt like the whole world was against me. I felt ugly, bloated and tired, and I told my best friend about it. The next time she came to see me, she brought a pair of scissors and a brand-new wig. She hyped me up to cut off my whole hair and start afresh. In her words, I had nothing to lose. I could own my bald head or wear a wig and look good either way because I had the face to pull it off. I’m not sure why, but it greatly improved my confidence. I felt seen.

    *Some names have been changed for anonymity.

    NEXT, READ: 7 Nigerian Women Share The Worst Thing A Friend Has Done To Them

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  • This is Charis*’ story, as told to Boluwatife

    Image source: nappy via pexels

    I’m an extrovert who doesn’t know how to keep friends. I know what you’re thinking: How’s that even possible? I don’t know either. All I know is I can walk into a room and vibe with everyone there, but it never goes past that. I’m terrible at keeping that “vibe” long enough to form an actual friendship.

    I’ve always been like this. My social nature means I stand out among my mates, and people tend to flock to me, even during my secondary school days. But then, when they come around, I engage them for a while, lose interest and move to the next thing or person that catches my eye. 

    In university, I just had acquaintances. We called each other friends but never talked about the important things. I couldn’t just call them in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, tell them how I was crushing on one guy, or share my worries about my mum’s health. And it wasn’t really their fault. I just didn’t know how to put my energy into being close to people like that. 

    So when I got into my friend group in 2019, I couldn’t believe my luck. I met Rachael* during NYSC orientation at the Iseyin camp. She’d noticed I always got food in mammy market, walked up to me one day and went, “Are you related to Dangote?” I was still trying to understand the question when she laughed and explained why she said so. We became pretty close, and even when I started to withdraw, she’d come to my bed and talk to me. 

    Just before the end of camp, my mum passed away, finally succumbing to her long-term heart issues, so I had to leave camp early and return home to Lagos. Rachael kept in touch and even came down to Lagos a week before the burial to be with me. That’s when I officially became part of her friend group. She got her three other friends to call to sympathise with me and made sure they also came for the burial. I hit it off with them, and before I knew it, they’d added me to their WhatsApp friend group.

    Our friendship has lasted almost four years now because they put a lot into ensuring we all communicate on WhatsApp and even go on the odd girls’ trip. But I feel like the odd one out. Rachael and our other friends have known each other since university. I can just open our WhatsApp chat now and find 30+ messages of them sharing inside jokes or talking about someone I’ve never heard of. 

    They even like the same things. Anytime we plan a hangout, it’s almost always at someplace I don’t like because, by the time the others vote, I’m the only one with a different opinion. Let’s not even talk about how I’m a literal odd number. Before I joined, they were four in the group; I became number five. I sometimes feel like the third (or fifth) wheel, watching the others all perfectly paired up. They have this connection even outside our group activities, while the group is the primary thing I have in common with the four of them. It’s hard for me to just pick up the phone to call one of them and talk for hours. 

    Don’t get me wrong, they’re nice people, but I sometimes feel like I’m outside the group looking in. A perfect example is how, during Moyin*’s — one of our friends — wedding in 2021, Rachael would casually mention on the bridesmaids group chat that she’d discussed with Dara* when she slept over at her place the previous night, and they thought we needed to reconsider one thing or the other about our outfits. Like, aren’t we all in the same group for that purpose? What are these separate conversations about?

    Even their parents know each other. It’s not strange to hear that Moyin’s mum called Rachael on her birthday, or that Dara’s mum sent fish to Moyin. But just three months ago, I had to travel to Abuja for work. Moyin’s mum lives in Abuja, so the day before I travelled, I asked Moyin to tell her mum I’d like to stay over at their place. I was told the house was full and that their dad didn’t like impromptu visits. I understood, but I wondered, what if it was Dara who needed a place to stay? Wouldn’t they have found a way to help? I felt hurt, but I know Moyin would’ve helped if it was her house I needed to stay in.

    I’ve never told them how I feel because I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama. I know I can do a long group call just to rant, but I think I have to come to terms with the fact that they’ll always be closer to each other than me. They have common experiences I may never be able to relate to, but I guess that’s okay. 

    This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to real female friendships. I don’t have a best friend, but at least, I have people who look out for me, and that’s better than nothing.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: I’m the Side Chick That Got the Man

  • Friendship breakups hurt like hell, especially when you didn’t see it coming. But breaking up with your best girl? That’s worse than chopping romantic breakfast, and here’s why.

    No one to share your hurt feelings with

    At least after a romantic breakup, you can cry to your bestie, and both of you can shit-talk your ex in one accord. But when you break up with your bestie, who do you cry or complain to?

    Or even stupid gist

    Some days, you’re too tired to make sense. All you want to do is share memes or rubbish one-liners only your bestie would relate with. Is it an ordinary friend or crush you want to do that one with?

    They know all your secrets

    If they’re petty, they can decide to start washing all your dirty linen in public. Even if they aren’t, imagine someone you aren’t on good terms with knowing weird stuff about you. Like how you think semo is elite. Eww.

    You’re too old to start looking for another bestie

    Is there even a talking stage for best-friendship? Do you just do trial and error to find someone else worthy of the “bestie” status? So many questions.

    Or you could attend HERtitude 2023, our festival for the girlies, party with other hot babes, and make new friends with our speed friendship sessions.

    GET TICKETS HERE

    You lose a personal photographer

    Everyone knows female friends are pros at catching all your great angles. If they’re no longer around to do it, who will? Your boyfriend? LMAO, please.

    No one to gas you up on social media

    Who’d rush to your IG and drop fire emojis under all your new pictures as if they didn’t help you choose the picture to post in the first place? It doesn’t matter that you have a boo. Boo’s comments don’t count.

    You have to break up with their parents too

    You mean I can’t go to Mummy Steph’s house to eat firewood jollof again? That’s even the most painful part.

    NEXT READ: Every Girl Is at Least One of These 10 People When Seeking Advice

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  • If you have female friends that ask for your advice, you’ll definitely recognise at least one of these nine girls. You may even be one of them. We’re all guilty, just catch your sub. 

    1.  The coconut head

    This girl? Problematic should be her middle name. She’ll come to your house to vent, cry and nod her head to all the wisdom you offer. Five minutes later, she’s doing the exact opposite. Time and time again you’ve asked yourself why you keep bothering yourself, but what can you do? Her chaotic behaviour is all the K-drama you need.

    2. The once bitten never shy

    She calls by 1 a.m. to complain about the same thing over and over again. It would be better if the problems were different, but it’s not. The sad part? You don’t have any other choice than to listen to her. Pele babe.

    3. The unfortunate girl

    Things never work out for this friend. There’s no advice that you give her that works out as planned. All you can do is commit her to God. There’s nothing you can do for her again. You’ve tried.

    4. The girl with audacity

    This is the girl you need to stop wasting your energy on. Not because she doesn’t listen to you, but because she calls right in the middle of doing everything you told her not to. 

    5. Always in deep shit

    Her issues are bigger than life and you never know what to say when she starts ranting. This is the friend that needs more therapy than she cares to admit. But until then, you’ll be dealing with issues you can’t solve.

    6. The ITK

    She’s the one with all the issues and all the answers to them. This babe is the patient that self-diagnoses herself on Google before seeing the doctor. She comes with an issue but you won’t even get halfway through before she’s off. Don’t worry, she’ll be back.

    7. The liar

    Context is her problem in life. She’ll never give the full gist and expects you to magically solve the problem. It’s either she’s leaving out the parts that make her look bad, or the parts she knows you’d call her out for bullshit. Girl, nobody will beat you, speak your truth. We’ll forgive you for the sneaky link.

     8. The girl that never has any issues in the first place

    She doesn’t exist, but let’s pretend like she does