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  • We’ve heard stories of married people flirting and cheating on their spouses. But what about stories from the “cheatees”?

    We spoke to six Nigerians who confessed to crushing on married people, and the responses got more than a little interesting.

    Image designed by Freepik

    Favour, 22

    A doctor lived in the same compound as I did in 2022. We just used to greet each other until we got talking — and lowkey, flirting — when I went to charge my devices in his flat one day. Two weeks later, he told me he was travelling for his wedding. I was confused — Did I imagine the flirting?

    He came about a week after with his new wife, and I stopped going to his flat, but we still chatted on WhatsApp. We mostly talked about each other’s day, movies and football. I knew I’d caught feelings when I started looking forward to his messages daily. I’m not sure his wife knew about it because, sometimes, we’d chat till midnight. We even sexted one cold night but never referred to it again.

    One day in December, I had a health scare, so I went to his flat to seek medical advice. His wife wasn’t home. One thing led to another, and we kissed. He apologised and avoided me after. He even stopped responding to my messages for a while, but I know he 100% wanted me too. He probably just felt guilty, so I gave him space. I moved out in January 2023 because of school, and by February, he was back in my DMs.

    Deola*, 27

    In 2020, this guy joined the company I used to work at. Let’s call him Dolapo. Dolapo was pretty popular in our industry as this talented creative who’d worked with some well-known people and companies in our industry, and we were all pretty excited to have him come work with us. 

    Then, he came and ended up being one of those diva creatives with an “artistic temperament” that’s really just laziness if you deep it. Anyway, he was fine (really tall and really dark), and I immediately started crushing on him, but we ended up clashing over work because he absolutely couldn’t meet deadlines. 

    At some point, I found out from his friend (a fellow co-worker) that he had commitment issues and had sworn never to get married. At first, I wondered why this guy told me this, but much later on, I found out that Dolapo liked me. Some weeks after, our company was organising an annual festival, so we had to lodge in a hotel for some days. 

    In the office on the day of the first night we would spend in the hotel, another co-worker basically implied (rather explicitly) that we can finally do the “deed” since we’d be spending nights in the same building. She immediately apologised, saying it just fell out of her mouth. 

    We did nothing during our stay, but then, he started sending me really sweet “talking stage” texts and an office fling started after the festival. Then I found out he had a girl’s photo as his Twitter profile image. It turned out he’d done his court wedding with this girl before he even joined the company, and their wedding pictures were all over the app. 

    Finding out he was married didn’t stop the fling. We continued making out in the office until he left the company and I left a couple months after. I knew it wouldn’t progress to anything. I wouldn’t have even wanted it to if he was unattached. I just liked how good he was at the performative romance and sex.

    Now, he just writes me poems and love letters. He’s since relocated to the US, but his wife was denied visa, so she’s still in Lagos.

    Deji*, 32

    I work long hours in healthcare, so I’m no stranger to workplace crushes. But there’s only ever been one with a married woman — she’s even my current crush.

    I was posted to my current workplace a couple of months ago, and I started working closely with this woman. We became fast friends because we have similar tastes in music and joked about the same things. She’s also really beautiful, and I soon started to fall for her.

    I know she’s married, but I think she likes me too. She confides in me and hardly talks about her husband. We greet each other with hugs, and colleagues even jokingly call us “husband and wife”. She also brings me home-cooked meals regularly. I want to make a move, but I’m concerned I might just be reading too much into it, and she’d get offended. But then, what if she’s waiting for me to make a move and is disappointed I haven’t shown interest yet?

    Esther*, 24

    I’ve always been attracted to married men. I think it’s mostly because I’m not interested in commitment myself, so dating married men is safer. At least, you both know marriage isn’t in the works, so no one is breaking anyone’s heart.

    I’ve dated two married men in my life, and I’m currently crushing on one. I know I can’t do more than crush because the person in question is my supervisor. He’s very handsome and kind, but he doesn’t seem like the type to have affairs, so my crush will most likely only ever be a crush.

    ALSO READ: These Are the Obvious Signs You’re in Love With Your Boss

    Jojo*, 26

    My pastor is married, but I’ve had a crush on him since I joined the church two years ago. He has this powerful aura about him that’s just difficult to resist. I’m too sure I’m not the only one crushing on him in the church. 

    It’s a harmless crush because, of course, I’ll never do anything about it. But I’ll confess I’ve fantasised about being with him more than once. If he was the kind of pastor who dates the ladies in church, I’d have fallen since. 

    Manuel, 28

    I had this huge crush on a fellow corps member in 2021. She was married, but I still find that surprising. Maybe there’s a way I expect married people to act, but she was loud and really free with everyone in camp, especially guys.

    We were in the same platoon, and we both volunteered in the kitchen, so we spent time together regularly. She knew I liked her — I didn’t hide it — and she’d jokingly say stuff like, “My husband can fight o. Can you?” 

    She was so free that till now, I can’t tell if she was flirting with me or just being her free self. Nothing happened between us, and we lost touch after camp, but I still randomly remember her.

    *Some names have been changed for anonymity.

    NEXT READ: “He Doesn’t Buy Me Stuff” — Nigerian Women on Earning More Than Their Partners

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  • You’re skipping a heartbeat, smiling unprovoked, following their every step with your eyes.

    Why is another person causing all these involuntary actions? As far as we’re concerned, crushes are beyond unnecessary and should be abolished. 

    We can’t promise these methods won’t have you looking like a fool in public, but they’ll make your crush disappear into thin air, and that’s the most important thing.

    Beg your village people 

    First of all, they’re obviously still chasing you. So go back home and beg them to stop. There’s only so much you can take.

    Stare at your crush

    Just look until you can see through their skin and find everything wrong with their perfect features.

    Talk to them

    10 out of 10 times, you’re only crushing on your crush because they look like a cold drink in Lagos traffic. But they don’t have two heads. Talk to them and watch your crush die instantly.

    Embarrass yourself while they watch

    You won’t want to be near them after this. And out of sight, out of mind.

    Drink agbo jedi

    Buy the small sachet of agbo and drink it while you’re thinking about them. Let the bitterness corrupt how sweet they make you feel.

    Tell your Nigerian mother

    Show her a picture of them and watch her point out how their nose probably enters a room before them.

    Employ the services of a Yoruba man or an Igbo woman

    It’s time to fight fire with fire, dear. Date a Yoruba man or Igbo woman. Let their wickedness remind you that people are not good and love is a scam.

    Go for deliverance

    Crushes are clearly a spiritual attack from the kingdom of darkness. Go to your spiritual leader and ask them to wash your head with coconut water and cast the forces of evil away.

  • Do you call their name three times and blow dusting powder at their pictures, or do you stalk their entire family tree instead of just talking to them? Whichever one it is, we know how you shoot your shot.

    Take this quiz and see for yourself.

  • Remember, the goal is to get your crush’s attention. So, let’s go.

  • You’re on a mission, and it involves getting your crush to like you back, or at least like you enough to suck face with. Throw those generic good morning messages you found on Google away and use these proven texts to win their heart. You’re welcome.

    “May NEPA keep the light till morning”

    If this doesn’t tell your Nigerian crush that you love and care about them, nothing else will. Has Nigerian heat dealt with you in a dark room before?

    “Dream of Canada”

    The Nigerian dream is to claim your Nigerian roots from the safety of “the abroad”, which is why this good night message is the best way to show your crush that you wish them well.

    “You survived another day in Nigeria. Just sleep, you deserve it”

    This is a plus if your crush lives in Lagos. They deserve all the encouragement they need after spending their whole day in traffic fighting keke and danfo drivers.

    “Don’t let the mosquitoes bite”

    Everyone and their cousin know that mosquitoes plus heat while trying to sleep is only slightly worse than the seven plagues. What better way to show your love?

    “Don’t forget to turn on the switch when you plug your phone”

    Have you ever plugged in your phone before bed, only to wake up and realise forgot to turn on the switch? Yep, show your crush you don’t want them to experience it.

    “May your neighbour’s generator stop working”

    You know that trying to sleep to the sound of “I better pass my neighbour” generators is the absolute ghetto, which is why this message is sure to have your love interest melting. 

    “Sleep so soundly that your alarm clock goes off unnoticed”

    Let’s face it — no one enjoys being woken up by annoying alarm sounds anyway. Your job will wait for you.

    If, after all these, they don’t fall in love, they don’t deserve you. Periodt.

    NEXT READ: These Nigerians Hate Having Crushes

  • Believe it or not, there is a celeb crushing on you. This quiz will tell you the particular celeb that is.

    Find out:

  • Crushes, we’ve all had them. But how early did you have your first crush? 12? 5? These 9 Nigerians had some stories to tell.

    1. Evelyn, 22

    I was seven and they were my cousins —  I’m not sure we were actually related though. I met them on one of our family trips to my big mummy’s house. The girl was about my age and the boy was a year older than me. I wasn’t the type to share my stuff as a kid, but I actually went out of my way to let them take my toys and chocolates in the name of crush. I ended up kissing them both and they haven’t spoken to me since they found out. Monogamy is definitely not my thing.

    2. Amaka, 21

    My first crush happened when I was four. He was my neighbour and we lived in the same compound. My first female crush wasn’t till I was six or seven. She was pretty, smart and super friendly, but I didn’t even realise I liked her as more than a friend till I was 19 — around the time I accepted I liked girls.

    3. Irene, 25

    All my crushes were girls, but the first one I remember was my neighbour’s niece. I was six or seven at the time and she was such a sweet babe to be with. I remember her having such a pretty face; her eyes were so beautiful to look at and her lashes were thick and long. Her natural lips always looked like she had on red lipstick and a black liner along the edges. Gosh! She was almost too perfect. Sadly, she was into my brother. But that didn’t stop me from spending as much time as I could with her.

    4. Brenda, 20

    I was seven and had a crush on a boy and a girl. The girl was the fictional character called Shego in Kim Impossible. She looked like she could kill me, but with my weird interest in serial killers, I loved it. I was very into her feisty and cool vibe as a villain; I still like my women, dangerous and sexy. It was super attractive to me as a kid. The guy I was crushing on usually told me I had a big butt — and he wasn’t lying, so maybe that’s why I had a thing for him.

    5. Abel, 22

    We were both nine and in Primary 4. I used to turn around to get a glimpse of her every time she walked into the classroom. I can still picture those cute geeky glasses she always had on and I remember her always sitting behind me at every Yoruba class — we never understood a word of it. All we did was play and help each other during tests. Omo… she was whatever a nine-year-old version of a bad bitch was supposed to be: the leader of a clique, the finest water bottle and all back that always burst my head. Now, I just watch her snaps and she’s still a bad bitch at 23.

    6. Linda, 25

    I was 14 or 15 and I was seriously crushing on this cute cool guy all the babes liked. He was a scholar that played basketball and did taekwondo — why won’t I crush on an efiko with muscles, please. I went to meet him to tutor me in Chemistry and Physics, but he didn’t understand that I wanted to be taught other things. Anyway, he got a scholarship to study abroad the next term and that was the end of my crush.

    7. Femi, 24

    I was five and the top dog in my class before two babes came from nowhere to displace me from my first position title in primary two. They became my rivals, but I was crushing hard on them. One of them lived close to me, so we got closer on the bus rides to school together. That’s how I started falling deep into the crush for this babe and went all the way to fifth position by the second term.

    8. Liz, 24

    As soon as I could spell Jet Li, I knew I was in love. After seeing him in Evil Cult (1993), I was convinced no one else could be my husband — I respectfully reject that now though. I eventually moved on to Bruce Campbell of the ’90s and then Jean Claude and Sylvester Stallone.

    9. Rita, 23

    I had my first crush when I was nine. He was tall, dark and fine, so every girl wanted to have him back then. There was even this one girl that used to buy him food during lunch break and copy his notes. I wrote him a love letter but my father found it and showed up at my school the next day. I was expecting the Jehovah witness in my dad to jump out, but luckily, there were no slaps involved. Eleven years later, my crush and I connected on Facebook and he wanted to go out on a date, but I had moved on from the crush already.

  • Crushes are usually described as warm tingling feelings in the stomach, but what about the dark side to having a crush? The anxiety, fear, and self-doubt? For this article, 8 Nigerians describe the motions they go through when they having a crush and why they hate having crushes so much.

    Titi, 20

    Whenever I have a crush, I turn into a fool. I like to think that on a regular day I am calm and collected, but having a crush throws all of that out the window. I also start imagining a life with them in the most fanfiction way possible. Crushes don’t usually work out for me, so I don’t pursue them. I’m always scared of letting myself trust because of my trust and commitment issues. The last time I had a crush was in 2020. We dated, and he turned out to be a lying, cheating bastard.

    Halima, 22

    I hate having crushes because I hate who I become because of them. I become awkward, shy, not confident. There’s also the part where I start making up cute scenarios that’ll never happen. Crushes turn me into a mumu that starts thinking of spending money she doesn’t have on people. I even start thinking of sleeping with them and I don’t even like sex. There was a time I slept with a man because I had a crush on him and partly because I wanted to. That is completely out of character for me because I don’t have sex with men.

    I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t pursue my crushes. There’s the fact that I feel most of them won’t feel the same way or I’ll be disappointed by who they are when I get close to them. Also, I’m broke. I can’t be spending money I don’t have because of a crush.

    Amarachi, 21

    I absolutely hate having crushes. I am a woman who likes women, but unfortunately, I am constantly in straight circles. So, most of the women I have crushes on are straight or women I convince myself are straight. When I develop a crush, I invent a version of myself in my head that I think will appeal to them and build a whole fantasy in my head. I never actually have the guts to approach these women in person. That’s why whenever I feel like I have developed a crush on someone, I block them immediately.

    Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

    Anu, 20

    I hate having crushes because of how consuming these crushes can get for me. I’m constantly thinking of them and ways to just make them happy. Whenever we meet in person, I get flustered, stammer, get the jitters, and can’t look them in the eye. Whenever we hang out, I try to keep them laughing so they spend the entire time with their eyes closed. That way, they don’t see how much of a mistake they’re making.

    I don’t feel I am good enough, so it leads to a lot of overthinking and overcompensation. I want to be useful to them in some way, and that includes investing time I do not have enough of and money I can use to do other things. It takes a while to tell people I have crushes on them because when they eventually tell me they only see me as a friend, it’ll be a new degree of feelings to process. I prefer sticking to the scenarios I have in my head. Right now, I have a crush and I feel like I am running mad. A crush will crush you. I can’t wait for it to die down. I just want to be normal again.

    John, 24

    I hate the fact that the crushes are mostly in my head. It’s annoying that I can’t tell them because I am very shy, so I’m constantly worrying if they like me or not. There’s also the fact that I spend so much time having fantasies of them in my head, forgetting that there’s a real person outside of those fantasies.

    I currently have a crush and as usual, they don’t know I like them. It’s long-distance and we’ve never met in person, but we talk. The conversations were good, but they’ve suddenly dried up. It’s not like I don’t want to learn more about the person, but it feels like the energy isn’t reciprocated anymore.

    Tobi, 20

    Crushes suck because they take a mental toll on my mind. I have a very obsessive-compulsive brain, so when I have a crush, I am extremely fixated. I’m also more prone to breakdowns and depressive episodes when I have a crush. In fact, it’s physically sickening because there is a type of chest pain that comes with having a crush.

    My last major crush was on my current boyfriend and it was a deep and draining one. He’s a musician and I used to listen to his music obsessively on SoundCloud. His first major hit needed 200 plays to get to 1000 and I decided to stream the song all through the night. I didn’t know Soundcloud let people know when you streamed their music, so when he texted me to thank me, I almost entered the ground. I was mortified. One thing I realised is that crushes are way more unstable than relationships.

    Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

    Richard, 22

    Crushes are just so annoying and inconvenient. I become a teenager and I want to spend all the money I don’t have on you. It makes no sense. I don’t like having crushes because that means more time in my day that I’ll waste thinking. Especially when I know that I won’t even talk to them or make a move. If by some miracle, I do start talking to them, I lose interest. I really suck at continous conversation and there are very few people that understand that.

    Also, all that getting to know you stage is a bit pretentious for me because if I have a crush on you, I definitely already know everything you like. Everything else will just be a bonus and no matter what you say, it wont matter because I like you.

    Adaeze, 20

    I hate not having control, not being able to compartmentalize my feelings, and how much they dictate my mood. My happiness can become contingent on how much attention they pay me and I measure the quality of my day based on our interactions. There are also the insecurities they can bring out of me. Constantly overanalysing whether my actions are good enough or not. There’s a lot of uncertainty with liking someone because with a crush, you never really know if it’s going to end in a relationship, situationship or friendship. With crushes, I feel like a crazy person.

  • Before love blinds your eye and you even begin to consider going on a first date with your crush, you need to know these nine things.

    Some of them you’ll have to ask your crush directly, but for others, you’ll need the Sherlock Holmes in you.

    1. Do you have coconut head?

    This will help you determine whether to look for who will be separating your fights. Coconut head plus coconut head equals wahala.

    2. Cereal before milk or milk before cereal?

    In fact, get cereal and milk for them to show you a demo ASAP.

    3. What is the worst food combo you have eaten?

    You need to know if your crush manifests the eating habits of cultists early enough.

    4. Do you like plantain?

    The minute you see their mouth forming the word “No” run for your life.

    5. Which of the swallows do you slander?

    Whether it’s fufu, eba, semo or amala, determine which slander you can tolerate and act accordingly.

    6. Can you get married?

    If marriage is one of your core values, then the earlier you know, the better. Before you’ll fall in love with someone who has sworn to never have anything to do with wedding a ring.

    7. Do you eat ass?

    Better talk now oh if you’re into that. This is not the time to be shy.

    8. Were you active during the #ENDSARS protests?

    If they can’t stand up to fight against an injustice that affects them, is it you they will stand up for in time of trouble? Think about it.

    9. Is this your real name?

    Very important. Before you go on a date and hear their mother call one twenty-two letters name over the phone.

  • Has your DM game been holding your back? Has fear stopped you from finding true love? Well, let us share some tips on how to slide into your crush’s DMs.

    1) Send them money

    7/10 times they will reply your message when it starts with “Can I send you something for the weekend”. This may only work if you send them plenty money, and if you are rich.

    Speak on it Queen

    2) Buy something on their wishlist

    “Can I buy you this thing because I want to get to know you better” is such a beautiful way to slide into the DM of your crush. Gift giving is a love language for a reason. Once again, will only work if you have money.

    3) Introduce yourself

    It is important for your crush to know the name of their future bae. Say your name, and at least something fun about you.

    See introduction nau

    4) State your reason for sending the DM

    Even if it is to buy something, always say why you are texting. Even if you do not have a reason, say you do not have a reason. Just say something.

    5) Be funny

    If you are not rich, at least be funny. People like funny people.

    Funny is all we know

    6) Do not send sexually explicit content

    Phallus pictures, bob and vagene, etc are only acceptable when the receiver has clearly stated consent. Do not be a creep, if not you will chop block.

    7) Investigate

    Will you just DM someone you know nothing about? How will you be able to tell if you have anything in common with this person? Stalk their account and extract valuable information in a non creepy way.

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