“A Crush Will Crush You” – 8 Nigerians on Why They Hate Having Crushes

January 10, 2022

Crushes are usually described as warm tingling feelings in the stomach, but what about the dark side to having a crush? The anxiety, fear, and self-doubt? For this article, 8 Nigerians describe the motions they go through when they having a crush and why they hate having crushes so much.

Titi, 20

Whenever I have a crush, I turn into a fool. I like to think that on a regular day I am calm and collected, but having a crush throws all of that out the window. I also start imagining a life with them in the most fanfiction way possible. Crushes don’t usually work out for me, so I don’t pursue them. I’m always scared of letting myself trust because of my trust and commitment issues. The last time I had a crush was in 2020. We dated, and he turned out to be a lying, cheating bastard.

Halima, 22

I hate having crushes because I hate who I become because of them. I become awkward, shy, not confident. There’s also the part where I start making up cute scenarios that’ll never happen. Crushes turn me into a mumu that starts thinking of spending money she doesn’t have on people. I even start thinking of sleeping with them and I don’t even like sex. There was a time I slept with a man because I had a crush on him and partly because I wanted to. That is completely out of character for me because I don’t have sex with men.

I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t pursue my crushes. There’s the fact that I feel most of them won’t feel the same way or I’ll be disappointed by who they are when I get close to them. Also, I’m broke. I can’t be spending money I don’t have because of a crush.

Amarachi, 21

I absolutely hate having crushes. I am a woman who likes women, but unfortunately, I am constantly in straight circles. So, most of the women I have crushes on are straight or women I convince myself are straight. When I develop a crush, I invent a version of myself in my head that I think will appeal to them and build a whole fantasy in my head. I never actually have the guts to approach these women in person. That’s why whenever I feel like I have developed a crush on someone, I block them immediately.

Anu, 20

I hate having crushes because of how consuming these crushes can get for me. I’m constantly thinking of them and ways to just make them happy. Whenever we meet in person, I get flustered, stammer, get the jitters, and can’t look them in the eye. Whenever we hang out, I try to keep them laughing so they spend the entire time with their eyes closed. That way, they don’t see how much of a mistake they’re making.

I don’t feel I am good enough, so it leads to a lot of overthinking and overcompensation. I want to be useful to them in some way, and that includes investing time I do not have enough of and money I can use to do other things. It takes a while to tell people I have crushes on them because when they eventually tell me they only see me as a friend, it’ll be a new degree of feelings to process. I prefer sticking to the scenarios I have in my head. Right now, I have a crush and I feel like I am running mad. A crush will crush you. I can’t wait for it to die down. I just want to be normal again.

John, 24

I hate the fact that the crushes are mostly in my head. It’s annoying that I can’t tell them because I am very shy, so I’m constantly worrying if they like me or not. There’s also the fact that I spend so much time having fantasies of them in my head, forgetting that there’s a real person outside of those fantasies.

I currently have a crush and as usual, they don’t know I like them. It’s long-distance and we’ve never met in person, but we talk. The conversations were good, but they’ve suddenly dried up. It’s not like I don’t want to learn more about the person, but it feels like the energy isn’t reciprocated anymore.

Tobi, 20

Crushes suck because they take a mental toll on my mind. I have a very obsessive-compulsive brain, so when I have a crush, I am extremely fixated. I’m also more prone to breakdowns and depressive episodes when I have a crush. In fact, it’s physically sickening because there is a type of chest pain that comes with having a crush.

My last major crush was on my current boyfriend and it was a deep and draining one. He’s a musician and I used to listen to his music obsessively on SoundCloud. His first major hit needed 200 plays to get to 1000 and I decided to stream the song all through the night. I didn’t know Soundcloud let people know when you streamed their music, so when he texted me to thank me, I almost entered the ground. I was mortified. One thing I realised is that crushes are way more unstable than relationships.

Richard, 22

Crushes are just so annoying and inconvenient. I become a teenager and I want to spend all the money I don’t have on you. It makes no sense. I don’t like having crushes because that means more time in my day that I’ll waste thinking. Especially when I know that I won’t even talk to them or make a move. If by some miracle, I do start talking to them, I lose interest. I really suck at continous conversation and there are very few people that understand that.

Also, all that getting to know you stage is a bit pretentious for me because if I have a crush on you, I definitely already know everything you like. Everything else will just be a bonus and no matter what you say, it wont matter because I like you.

Adaeze, 20

I hate not having control, not being able to compartmentalize my feelings, and how much they dictate my mood. My happiness can become contingent on how much attention they pay me and I measure the quality of my day based on our interactions. There are also the insecurities they can bring out of me. Constantly overanalysing whether my actions are good enough or not. There’s a lot of uncertainty with liking someone because with a crush, you never really know if it’s going to end in a relationship, situationship or friendship. With crushes, I feel like a crazy person.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

May 7, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 32-year-old woman who decided to stop having sex after she turned 30. She talks her toxic sex life in her 20s and how this decision has helped her improve the quality of her life, relationship and friendships.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

December 3, 2022

Dear Nigerians, the moment you’ve been waiting for has finally arrived. The Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) has officially announced the date for Permanent Voter’s Card (PVC) collection. When’s the collection?  INEC has given us exactly five weeks for PVC collection — from December 12, 2022 to January 22, 2023.  But Nigerians aren’t too pleased […]

Recommended Quizzes

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

More from Ships

November 22, 2022

Among the things Douglas* wished for on his 24th birthday, finding love was not one of them. When he met Susie* in 2021, everything seemed right, even though she’s an unemployed student. But she agreed to date him if he promised not to treat her as his dependant.

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X