Sex Life: I Was Missing Out Because I Hated My Body

February 12, 2022

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of today’s sex life is a 23-year-old bisexual woman. She talks about realising she liked women at 10 years old, missing out on sex with men because she hated her body and finally enjoying sex with men once she learnt how to be comfortable with her body. 

Tell me about your first sexual experience.

I got kissed at my dorm in boarding school. This 13-year-old girl with bigger breasts than mine was in my dorm in JSS 1, and I always stared at her when I was back from classes. Like an idiot, I chalked up my constant staring to jealousy. One day while she was getting dressed, she caught me staring. The next day, she walked up to me and kissed me. I don’t know why she did, but the kiss felt so good. 

I’m assuming you didn’t know you were into girls before then? 

Yeah, I believe so. It was after the kiss I started thinking of the possibility of liking women. It led to a lot of struggles internally but physically, I was having the enjoyment of my life. 

This babe and I did everything besides penetration and were partnered up for the entirety of JSS 1. Afterwards, she left for another school. I haven’t seen her since. 

What happened after she left? 

Well, two years later, a girl and I were up till late at night at the dorm, and we just kissed. After that, we coupled up, but it was a mess. 

We behaved like regular friends outside, then had secret sexual interactions. After every sexual interaction, she closed off. We’d have sex and then she’d withdraw from me until the next time she was horny.  It felt like I was being used for orgasms. And maybe I would have been fine with that if the interactions weren’t so mid. It paled in comparison to my first. 

The thing about my first was that I was insanely attracted to her — I was only with this second girl because I liked sucking breasts. The relationship ended once I got tired of that.

And then what happened.

I hooked up with more women, LOL. 

Then I stumbled on a problem in SS 2. I had started experiencing attraction to men and wanted to test it out. I’d decided to have sex with a male friend of mine, purely for experiment. He was tall and dark-skinned, and I thought, why not? Turned out I couldn’t even take my clothes off to let him touch me. I had become extremely conscious of my body because of how my male friends talked about fat women. 

At that time, I was considered a “cool girl”, so I was able to listen in on conversations my male friends had. In a lot of these conversations, they would discuss fat women. They said things like, “How will you push her rolls away to have sex?” While also implying that these women were dirty. When the topic of fatness came up, it was always derogatory. 

Oh wow. I’m sorry. But you were sleeping with women before. How was it different? 

I felt women would be more understanding. The women I was with weren’t exactly small. They had fat asses, big breasts as well as stretch marks, so there wasn’t much to be ashamed of. 

Gotcha. Back to this sex issue with men… 

So, I knew I had reservations about my body, but I didn’t realise just how much my body reservations were eating into my love until I went to university in Boston.

One time, I was supposed to go to a festival with my sister but couldn’t because the weather was so hot, I had to wear shorts if I planned to survive going outside. My sister spent the whole day encouraging me to try it and still we ended up not going. I was missing out on so much because I hated my body. 

So I tried to fix it. I started small at first by wearing clothes that showed off my thighs to my knees. I also unfollowed people who gave me body issues on Instagram and followed people who dressed their bodies that look like mine in pretty ways. I picked dressing tips from those ones. 

From there, I graduated to appreciating myself in the mirror rather than berating myself. I bought cute tops, skirts and even shorts. I also started showing skin from my thighs to my knees. Flaunting my arms was the last thing I did, and it was a very big thing for me. 

My first sexual experience where I had no hang-ups about my body was in 2017. I was 19. Aside from being extremely comfortable, he was really good at giving head, and that’s the easiest way to make me have an orgasm.

Enjoyment. What was sex with men like once you got comfortable in your body? 

Kinky! I realised I was a kinky person through books. I graduated from mild Wattpad stories about dominant men to this website where I was basically consuming soft porn. I got into cuffs and toys. Then I found out I like to slap and get slapped. 

With both men and women?

Yes. I like to dom women because they are usually less experienced with sex, and I’m inclined to makethem orgasm. When I’m with a female partner, we’d go a few times before I even think of allowing her to touch me back. 

With men, I tend to have vanilla sex. Men don’t know how to be dominant, what it entails. They don’t know what aftercare is, and I won’t allow someone who won’t even cuddle me afterwards slap me. I’m unhinged but not that unhinged.

This became my predicament. It’s either I’m constantly giving or not getting enough. 

I apologise on their behalf. Have you ever hacked it? Sex that was balanced? 

Yes o. Last year. He was the first person to make me squirt. Unfortunately, he was also a liar and a gaslighter, so we don’t talk anymore. He chased after me and then confessed he had a girl after we slept together a few times. 

But he used to make me come up to and more than seven times easily. Seven was the average. He had the cheat code to my entire body.

Mad. On a scale of 1-10, what’d you rate your sex life? 

I’d say about a 7. I know what I like and when I like it, but I don’t have a steady partner. I would like consistent hot fok. 

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

February 11, 2020

Valentine’s Day is almost here, and there are only so many things that you could possibly do — from keeping yourself company to tensioning all your single friends with your love. So, we created a quiz that tells you exactly what that stressful day has in store for you. Take it to find out: #ICYMI: We […]

January 4, 2021

New year’s eve is the one day in the year that carries the hopes of millions of people around the globe. It is the day we round up and settle all affairs of the previous year while looking forward to a new year. Today, I asked Nigerian women about how they spent their new year’s […]


Now on Zikoko

What She Said: I Hate the Word “Disabled”
December 7, 2022

This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 49-year-old Nigerian woman who lost a leg after an okada accident. She talks about waking up to find a stump where her leg used to be, what it’s like to lose a limb and what she thinks about how people treat amputees.

Recommended Quizzes

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

December 29, 2021

A new year is right around the corner. Before we go into 2022, enjoy some of our top quizzes from this year. 1. QUIZ: Only Nigerian Gen Z’ers Can Make It To The End Of This Musicians Quiz Forget about your age. If you can make it to the end of this quiz, you’re definitely […]

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

More from Sex Life

August 13, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old queer woman who owns half a dozen sex toys and wants more. She talks about her sex toy curiosity, the trial and errors before she found the perfect ones and how she navigates sex with people. 

July 30, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old virgin. She talks about how she’s only been kissed twice, her inability to orgasm when she masturbates and waiting till marriage to have sex. 

July 9, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 31-year-old woman who doesn’t enjoy sex. She talks about the various ways she’s tried to spice up her sex life and realising sex isn’t something she’ll ever enjoy. 


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.