Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 20-year-old bisexual woman who says she can never have enough sex. She talks about being assaulted by her uncle when she was eight, and how that might have caused her hypersexuality.
What was your first-ever sexual experience?
I was molested by my uncle when I was eight. He was a pastor that lived with us. One day, my mum went out, leaving me and my younger sister alone with him. He made me lock the door and began to finger me. He also molested my sister.
The experience traumatised me. It’s something I still struggle with. I felt like I was broken, so I became obsessed with fixing myself. I started reading books on how to restore my virginity, mostly because I was scared my dad would find out.
I’m so sorry. Did your dad ever find out?
No, I never told him. It wasn’t even until I turned 16 that I was able to acknowledge and talk about what had happened to me. I think it’s one of the reasons I hate pastors and organised religion.
Sorry again. When was your first consensual experience?
If we are not talking penetrative sex, I was 14 and in SS 2. I had a best friend, a girl, and we used to make out at the back of our school. Before I graduated, I had made out with most of the girls in my class.
Oh? How did you realise you were attracted to women?
This might sound weird, but I just knew. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. By the time I was 15, I had come out as bisexual. I didn’t have any internal struggle with my sexuality at all. It felt completely normal for me to like women and men.
That’s great. When did you have penetrative sex for the first time?
I was 15. There was this boy I really liked, so I went to his house. I didn’t think we were going to have sex, but it kind of just happened. He was 16, so neither of us knew what we were doing. From my failed attempt at a blowjob to the penetration, the entire experience was bad.
After that, I became determined to get the hang of this sex thing.
What did you do?
I went through a lot of books, YouTube videos and articles. I also learnt how to properly masturbate. My logic was that if I could give myself pleasure, then I could teach my partners how to please me too.
Did it work?
Yeah. I had sex with the guy again, and while it wasn’t mind-blowing, it was definitely better.
What’s your sex life like now?
It’s really wild. I only have one partner now, and we have sex all day. I know people think fucking for an entire day is a myth, but honestly, I can’t imagine having sex for just two hours. Two hours? We haven’t even started.
He tells me I’m insatiable, and according to what I’ve read, my hypersexuality might be a product of my trauma. Either way, I’m of the opinion that if we are going to have sex, you should drop everything and focus on it.
Do you ever feel satisfied?
I can get up to 90% satisfaction, but no, I’ve never felt fully satisfied after sex. I always want more. There’s no time you’ll tap me for sex and I’ll turn it down. It’s actually been a problem in my past relationships.
They think that because I’m so insatiable, I might end up cheating on them. It really hurts. I used to feel bad about myself a lot, but I’m learning to get over it. For whatever reason, this is how I am wired, and I am tired of apologising for it.
What gets you up to “90% satisfaction”?
Thankfully, I finally have a partner who can match me a bit in bed. I need to have squirted buckets before I feel 90% satisfied. Then, after a few minutes of rest, I’m ready to go again. Whenever I tap my boyfriend to continue, he’ll be like, “Babe, no.”
Wow. How did your past partners compare?
My first ex didn’t have any sexual experience before me, so it wasn’t good. My last ex was good but not great. His dick is massive, but he didn’t last long enough for me. He let me hook up with babes on the side though, so that was great.
Yeah. When I was with him, I had this babe that used to come over and we’d fuck for hours. He liked seeing me enjoy myself, so he’d be chilling in the parlour, while the babe and I would be having sex. There was another babe I used to bring over, but she wasn’t as frequent.
He never joined in?
Nope. She only wanted to be with me. To be honest, I also didn’t want to share her with him. I wanted her all to myself. We did have a threesome eventually, but it was with an old fuck buddy of his. It was fantastic.
Does your current partner give you the same freedom?
Yeah. He’s been encouraging me to go find women to fuck, but I’ve been too lazy.
I need to teach everyone I sleep with how to please me properly, and I’ve not had the energy to teach someone new. This is one of the reasons I have a much lower body count than people expect. It takes me a while to school my partners, and I can’t be doing that with everyone.
How many people have you slept with?
More than 10 and less than 15. To be fair, I don’t add people to my body count if the sex was trash. I take my pleasure very seriously, so I don’t like to waste my time with people that won’t please me.
Fair. How would you describe your relationship with sex?
It’s complicated. I have sex when I’m stressed, excited, sad and angry. Sex is a coping mechanism for me. It’s all I’ve ever really known. No matter the emotion I feel, sex always makes me feel better. It’s like therapy for me.
Would you call it an addiction?
I don’t think so. I think I could go months without sex, but I would constantly be thinking about it.
Wait. It might actually be an addiction. It’s just hitting me now. I’ve always thought about sex as something I have too much of. Do you think it’s an addiction?
I’m really not qualified to say. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex?
A month, but it was really tough. I mean, I had my appendix taken out, and barely two weeks later, I had gone to collect dick. So, it has to be a really serious reason for me to consider going weeks without sex.
Have you considered therapy?
Yes. I have considered it a lot, but it’s so expensive. I’m also scared of having to deal with all that repressed trauma. I don’t know if I am mentally ready to open up the pandora’s box that is my mind. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.
Would you want to be less insatiable in the future?
Right now, being insatiable excites me. It’s very thrilling. I don’t think it’s ruining my life in any way, but I don’t know if I’ll feel the same way five years down the line. What I would like, though, is to get to a point where I don’t resent myself for liking sex as much as I do.
How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?
I’d give it an 11/10. This is the closest I’ve been to feeling satisfied. Once I start sleeping with more women again, then it can climb to 100/10. Sex with women is always amazing. I wish I was doing it more.