Fifteen Things You Must Budget For If You Live In Nigeria

November 6, 2018
If you are a part of the very small percentage of Nigerian adults who have their lives put together enough to make budgets, we have a thing or two to tell you. While you might think that you’ve covered all your bases. You’ve made a budget for food, transport even Friday night faji, there are a couple of key things you are leaving out of your budget that could ruin your finances.

The second cloth you have to buy after your tailor takes the aso-ebi you bought for a wedding and travelled with it.

Please, when are we going to come together as a people and boycott Nigerian tailors?

The extra tyre you need to buy after that deep pothole on your street finally tears your tyre.

And the second one you’ll buy after the same pothole tears the new one.

If you thought you’ll need only 10k fuel for the month double it, because the transformer on your street will blow and you won’t have light for three months.

And you’ll still contribute for NEPA people to come and fix the transformer.

Drugs for malaria you only got because your street has been flooded for the past two weeks.

By the time you get your hospital bill, you’ll wish you just stayed home and prayed the malaria away.

The third and fourth internet subscriptions you have to pay for because the first two start moving mad.

Then you go back to the first two when the third and fourth one starts misbehaving too.

The funny sound your generator starts making even though you only serviced it last week.

You’ll think it just needs to be serviced again until your gen guy tells you, you need to replace the carburetor.

When someone steals wires from the NEPA pole on your street and you have to contribute to pay for it.

You also have to settle the NEPA guys who will come and fix it.

The new phone you have to buy because they obtained your old one in traffic.

Shebi if the traffic was moving the thief won’t have seen road to collect your phone.

When your rent is due on January 1st and your landlord tells you on the 31st that he’s increasing the rent.

After you’ve used all your extra money for December rocks.

Getting that message from your younger brother, sister asking for money.

Me sef I need epp.

The borehole in your compound just suddenly stops working because the last plumber to fix it used fake parts.

And you just fixed it last month,

All the people you have to settle just so you don’t die on the line collecting things like your driver’s license or passport.

And they’ll still ask anything for the boys after you’ve settled them.

Settling police so they can release your friend they carried for no reason.

They said because he was using an iPhone he must be a yahoo boy.

The side mirror of your car you have to replace because one danfo guy trying to overtake you hit it.

After hitting it he started rolling on the floor using God to beg you.

Having to replace the compressor of your freezer because NEPA blew it.

And the surge protector you bought was fake.

NEPA bringing a 90k bill for you even though they only gave you light twice that month.

If you don’t have a prepaid meter go and get one now.

Did we leave anyone out?

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 18, 2019

Nigerians are yet to come to terms with the fact that cats can be pets but now have to deal with the fact that someone thinks a lion is tame enough to have as a security guard. Reports now confirm that a two-year-old lion was discovered in a residential building in the Victoria Island area […]

July 29, 2019

Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing. The lady in this story has worked in digital media (creative industry) for almost a decade. But she’s convinced that she’s just getting started. […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

February 28, 2021

What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. “Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means […]

February 27, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 39-year-old heterosexual man who was celibate for almost a decade before he got married. He talks about his wild sexual past and how he thinks that might be stopping him from fully enjoying married sex.

Recommended Quizzes

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

More from Money

February 22, 2021

The guy in this story has two things going on for him: developing new skills and taking a leap of faith. The ultimate gamechanger for him, though, is a tech hub he joined at uni and a DM he got in 2020. What is your oldest memory of money? My dad always did this thing […]

February 18, 2021

A lot of people swear that Abuja has a lot of things going for it. I mean, it should — it’s the nation’s capital. That’s a decent claim to fame too. I was curious about how money moves in the city, so I asked 7 people living there to talk about their expenses. 1. Patrick, […]

February 16, 2021

Nigeria has an unemployment problem. According to a report published by the National Bureau of Statistics, Nigeria’s unemployment rate was 27% in Q2 2020. This is the perfect situation for the rise of job scams, which a lot of people have actually fallen victim to. I thought it might be good to find some Nigerians […]

February 11, 2021

I’ve always been fascinated by Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and the relationships between each level of the pyramid– how one must be completed before other. According to his theory, physiological needs are the most important requirement for human survival. ‘Shelter’ is one of these needs. So, I decided to ask young Nigerians about their struggles […]

February 8, 2021

The experiences of queer people any and everywhere are far from monolithic. Oppression takes many forms and, sometimes, the fact that you can or cannot pass as a member of a non-marginalised community is what determines how much or what type of oppression/marginalisation gets thrown your way.  Passing, in the simplest terms, is the ability […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X