We can all agree that break-ups are awful. However, what we can all agree on is on coping mechanisms for breakups or how to get over them. Today, I asked seven Nigerian men how they dealt with or reacted to their worst breakup and all I can say is that folks have gone through it.
When my ex broke up with me, I called a Bolt driver and I just entered the first destination that came up. It was to my workplace which was over an hour away from where I was and I didn’t even realize. I sat down in the cab largely despondent, at some point, I just started crying. My cab driver was sympathetic and was giving me generic advice about women and life and I was just there bawling. By the time the trip ended and I realized where I was, I just started laughing because why am I coming to my office at around 7 PM at night? I called a new cab and went back home and then stared at my ceiling till I slept.
The day my ex broke up with me, she came over and cooked and we were talking. Then she entered a long conversation and ended it with the thought that we would be better together as friends. My head couldn’t process it, and I remember asking her if she was joking. She said she wasn’t. I asked her to leave. I stayed there for a very long time then I called my friend and when he came over, he told me to snap out of it and then we ate the food my ex had prepared and played video games.
My ex broke up with me by ghosting me. One day, I thought I was in a healthy and functional relationship. Then one day, I just stopped hearing from him. He wouldn’t pick my calls, wouldn’t reply to my texts and was still posting on social media. I later heard that he had started dating someone else and I was just dumbfounded. For months, it felt like my heart was in my throat. I could barely eat, I couldn’t sleep, all I listened to was sad breakup songs. It took me months to get over it and I’m not sure I fully have.
My ex broke up with me because she wanted to make her side-nigga, her main nigga.When she told me that she had been seeing someone else and wanted to pursue that other relationship instead, I started begging her. I knelt on my knees and was begging her and was telling her that I’ll be better, I’ll change etc. In hindsight, that was shameful but I did it. I ate my feelings away to the point I even put on a little extra weight.
My ex and I had a small quarrel over something and she said we are done. I thought it was a heat of the moment kind of thing and I didn’t realize she meant it. I went to see her and she screamed at me to leave her house otherwise she’ll pour me water. I think what I felt the most was confusion, I wanted her to tell me that I did something wrong so I could apologize for that. Till today, I have no idea. It threw me into depression for weeks, I could barely walk, I could barely talk. Then my friends started taking me out almost every day, I barely had free time to think about the breakup and eventually, I forgot.
I broke up with my ex. People often think the person doing the breaking up doesn’t feel awful but I did. I discovered that she was texting someone else so I had to end it. It’s funny that I ended it because I was the one who was having heart attacks every time she posted that Bratz doll meme and I was the one who was waiting for her to beg me. She never did. So to get over it, I stopped using social media for a while. I went on a social media break and spent my free time doing anything that didn’t require my phone for over a month.
In January, my ex said that I was dragging her down in life and that I was unambitious so we needed to break up. It hurt because I had to deal with a break-up as well as a kick to my self-esteem. I was in a bad place for almost two months then I listed all the ways I could improve myself so that no one could ever tell me that again. From going to the gym regularly to getting more jobs, I have been throwing myself into my life since then. I’m happy that I’m seeing changes but I still hate that it was what she said that got me started on this path.
- Names have been changed for the sake of privacy.