(Not all) Nigerian men cheat. That’s a fact, but me I don’t have the data to back it up. But you know what I find very funny? The excuses they make for their cheating. Here’s a list of the most common ones:

1. “I don’t know what came over me.”

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It’s greed, fornication and infidelity that came over you, Femi. Don’t act like you don’t know.

2. “It’s not what you think.”

This one is a common excuse, together with “It was the devil.” But really, Akin, what else do you want her to think when facts of you supplying [redacted] are clear to us all?

3. “Are you going to believe your eyes over me?”

This one is a sure gaslighting trick. Make the babe doubt what she saw. Get into her head and confuse her. 48 Laws of Power people. Keep at it, Jide. One day will be one day.

4. “But you know I have always been faithful.”

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This one is gaslighting lite. Doesn’t directly own up to the cheating, but tries to mention his “faithfulness.” We hear you, Tunji. But if you were faithful in the first place, will you be found in this kind of situation?

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5. “She came on to me.”

The perfect response to this should be: “And you could not go away from her? Answer us, Ade. She came to you and you decide to come for her, innit?”

6. “It was a mistake.”

Of course, it was a mistake, Deji. Your manhood flew out of your trouser and implanted itself firmly in somebody’s daughter, and even though you tried to stop it, the errant manhood refused.

7. “I swear, this is the last time.”

But we all know that this won’t be your last time, Femi.

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