TW: Sexual abuse
We’ve heard people say they wish they knew something different before they had sex, so we decided to ask Nigerian men how sex was different than they’d imagined.
Here’s what they had to say:
I wish I’d known how awkward sex can be. Movies always make it look straightforward and slick, but that’s not true. Sex is messy and there are body parts and bodily fluids everywhere. Also, in sync orgasms? A fucking lie.
Another thing, porn’s portrayal of sex isn’t what real sex is like at all. Try some of that porn shit and you’ll both have to make a very embarrassing trip to the hospital.
I had been watching porn since I was in primary 2 and masturbating for a long time, so I knew I was going to be ready the first time I had sex. Omo, I wasn’t. It felt too good. I thought it would feel like I was masturbating, but it was so much better and so much wetter. I didn’t even last 3 minutes the first few times. It took a lot of mental gymnastics for me to prepare myself so I could last longer.
Another thing was odor. Sometimes, sex smells bad. It mostly shouldn’t, but I’ve been in situations where it smelt and I wish I was more prepared for stuff like that.
And then the worst thing is pulling out. Omo. Pulling out is not easy. Don’t let anyone make you believe that pulling out is easy. It is hard. This is how people have unwanted children. It is extremely difficult.
Not enough people talk about how messy sex is. All the sweat and fluids I experienced the first time was very jarring. Also, the vagina hole was much, much lower than I imagined it would be. Another thing is that sex is not as quiet as people might portray it. We need to have more conversations about quiffs because they’re a real thing.
I also didn’t think that I would know what I was doing, but somehow, I automatically did. I think it’s just human nature. The one thing that shocked me the most though, as how much conversation is involved in sex. You have to keep talking to your partner. Talking about what they like, what is comfortable, and all that. I didn’t expect that.
My first time was unexpected. My ex showed up at my place and was telling me about her first time having sex. She asked if I wanted to have sex and I said yes. Three minutes in, I knew I couldn’t last much longer so I asked her to stop. I was so shaken by how good it felt that I was scared to try again for a while.
I had absolutely no idea it would feel that good.
In my experience, I’ve learnt to focus more on the sex than on the person I’m having sex with because in that moment, they also don’t see me. They just see the sex. I imagined that sex would be more romantic, with slow music playing in the background and all that, but that’s not how it is.
An advice I would give my younger self on sex is that, “You’re probably not going to be good on your first few tries. Don’t let anyone deceive you. It’s going to take some time to learn and you’re going to make mistakes, and that’s fine. Most of the things you see on the internet and the things you hear about sex from people are lies.”
The first time I tried to have sex, I couldn’t get through with it because I didn’t want to get expelled from school for having sex. I was 18 and we were in the same level in university. The second time, it was with the same person. She was giving me head and then swiftly changed to sit on my dick and began to ride. I pushed her away. We were still in school, and I still didn’t want to get expelled. The third time, the exact scenario happened. This time, I ejaculated in seconds. She made me clean up and try again. We kept trying and I kept ejaculating in seconds. This happened about three times. It was embarrassing. I’d heard guys saying they went for hours straight, and I could only go for seconds. I didn’t realise I was being sexually exploited. I was concerned that I wasn’t lasting long.
For the next couple of years, sex for me was all about beating my previous record. Two minutes. Three minutes. Five minutes. I didn’t care about the person or the process. It wasn’t about intimacy. It was about time. I wish I knew that it’s not about how long but how good it is. I wish I knew that all the guys saying they were going for hours straight were lying. Nobody told me.