In the bedroom, naked, we are stripped to our most primal form. All our trappings and adornments are peeled off, leaving us bare, locked in horizontal combat. It’s in times like this that our biggest insecurities and fears come to the fore.

Many men struggle under the weight of insecurities. With a society that forces men to remain quiet under emotional strain, they fight an uphill battle against their vulenrabilites. I spoke to six men about their insecurities in the bedroom. Here’s what they had to say.

Fola, 25, Gay

For most of my young adult life, I’ve struggled with inferiority complex, most of it stemming from my body. I have masculine features and a beard but I also have a feminine figure. That has always made me self-conscious of myself for as long as I can remember. Other men seem to like it but I still feel weird.

My other biggest insecurity is the fact that I have some fetishes which most people might consider weird so I don’t ask for them. This affects the quality of the sex, for me. I’m not really bothered about the size of my penis because I’m a bottom. In that area, I’m neither small no big.

Vido, 23, Straight

I feel insecure when I can’t make my partner orgasm quick enough. They eventually cum, but I start to feel some type of way when it takes too long.

I also feel insecure when I’m trying to get up for the second round and I can’t get ol’ Johnny to go beyond semi-hard.

Ugochukwu, 29, Straight

I once had a sexual partner who could fit my whole penis in her mouth without even being close to gagging or choking. My penis used to feel like a lollipop in her mouth, literally. I discreetly brought up the topic once or twice just so she could reassure me that my penis was “okay.”

I want to say I’ve outgrown it it but I had a fairly recent experience that proved that I haven’t. I try to get over it and not stop me from enjoying sex, but it seeps through sometimes, constantly hovering over me.

Ola, 27, Pansexual

When I get naked in the bedroom, I get some weird reactions from women about the size of my penis but they try to be nice about it. They say things like “Don’t worry, it’s not the smallest I’ve seen.” I try to overcompensate with foreplay most times. Which leads to my second insecurity.

Once we start having sex, I’m Speedy Gonzalez. I don’t last very long, so I try to make sure my female partners reach orgasm during foreplay before I penetrate. And while we’re waiting for me to get hard again, they start murmuring. 

I feel more comfortable having sex with men because there’s a lot less pressure. If I don’t get hard, he will.

You know how women say “He knows how to touch the right spots”? Well, that’s not me. Women even think I’m scared to touch them but that’s not true. I just don’t know what to do/where to touch.

Jefferson, 25, Straight

I’m constantly weighed down from worrying about making the woman achieve orgasms. Many women have a lot of hangups concerning sex which stops them from enjoying it as much as she wants to. I’m always thinking about how to bypass her internal conflicts and make her enjoy having sex with me. I like it when my women love me. In fact, they must love me, even if they have other men.

Tosin, 22, Straight

Every time I’m having sex with someone new, I’m always anxious. I’m studying their faces for their reactions whenever I pull down my boxers. 

I’m a little over 6 inches in length, but it’s up to the women I sleep with to decide what the right size is. I know 6 inches is bigger than the average penis size but I worry about it anyway.

More men talk about their experiences: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Discovering Masturbation

For more men-focused content, read our brand new series: Man Like.



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