Ladies, a man asks you out on a date, and you say yes. He tells you the location, and it’s one of those fancy restaurants where the price of the food is higher than your salary. The day of the date comes, you meet, eat and have a great time pretending to care about each other’s hobbies and favourite colours. But before the bill comes, he says, “Should I pay, then you transfer your half to me? Or do we both pay separately?”
You look at him, confused for a few seconds, until it hits you that this oloriburuku has asked you to split the bill with him at the last possible moment. Here are different options for the next step to take.
Call boys to beat him
Step out intto the streets and call agberos to use charger cord to wipe his neck. That audacity he used to open his mouth to ask you to split the bill needs to be beaten out of him. Maybe he’ll come back to his senses.
Ask him if he’s okay
You need to genuinely ask, just in case something happened to him during the date that made him utter such a statement. Maybe a spirit entered his body and possessed him, and that spirit asked you to split the bill. If that’s the case, carry your bag and run. But put him in your prayers.
Fake faint
Just fall down and don’t wake up till they rush you to the hospital. By that time, everyone would have even forgotten about any bill. And even if they remembered, they’d feel too guilty to ask the person lying in a hospital bed.
ALSO READ: Dear Men, Here’s How to Start Billing Nigerian Women
Ignore him, stand up and walk out
Act like you didn’t hear what he just said, stand up and walk out of the restaurant. What can he do? If he runs after you, tell security to hold him, that he’s trying to escape payment.
Create a scene
Stand up and shout, “You’re asking me to split the bill even though you invited me out on the date? Who does that?” The level of embarrassment he’ll face will make him pay the bill, and he’ll most likely never try such a thing again.
Ask for gloves to wash plate
Since he clearly doesn’t have the money to pay for the entire meal, let him wash plates. Call one of the servers and ask them to give him gloves so he can work to pay off the meal. Then wish him luck and be on your merry way.
ALSO READ: 10 Things to Know Before Going to a Lagos Restaurant
Act confused
Begin to act like you’re confused about where you are and how you got there. Ask him who he is and why you’re sitting across from him. If he tells you to behave yourself, tell him you don’t appreciate being spoken to like that by a stranger. Then stand up and storm off.
Say your bank is having problems
You can try the popular trick people use. Just say you forgot your card at home, that he should pay and you’ll transfer to him. If he asks you to send the money before he pays, pretend like you actually want to make the transfer, then say your bank app is having problems, and you’ll try later.
Call the police
The people of Twitter have suggested that if all else fails, call the police. Because asking someone to split the bill when you’re the one who invited them out has to be a crime. It should be in the constitution somewhere.
Now read on How to Avoid Billings in general
