The Gay Dating Experience: Expectations vs Reality

August 6, 2022

A while back, I wrote about the realities of the lesbian dating experience and realised I had to do one for people in gay relationships too. For this, I spoke to several people in the gay community, and here’s what they shared with me about the reality of gay relationships.

You’ll enjoy each other’s shows 

Expectations: You’ll love each other’s shows and  be willing to wait for the other person when new episodes come out.  

Reality: One of you will spend the entire relationship begging the other to watch your shows. And one person will always be ahead of the other on the one you end up watching together. Life’s tough, but love is tougher.

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After the talking stage, a relationship is expected

Expectation: After spending that much time talking and getting to know each other’s childhood fears, the logical thing is a relationship.

Reality: Unfortunately, most times, all that happens is sex. Which, in all fairness, is not such a bad deal. But when you want more than sex, it’s hard not to keep getting disappointed by people with commitment issues. Hooking up is easy, but getting into a relationship is complicated. 

Everyone you meet is new, so it’s a unique experience 

Expectation: If you meet someone outside of your friends for the first time, and no one knows him, it’s refreshing, and you’ll end up in less messy situations. 

Reality: The dating pool is too small for the people you meet not to be your ex’s ex. If you meet someone no one knows, you should be careful, so you don’t get a Kito experience you’ll regret. 

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Clubbing or attending parties will be much better with your partner 

Expectation: Parties and clubs become 10x more fun when you go with your partner; what’s better than an experience you’ll share memories of instead of having to tell them about it? 

Reality: That’s how they’ll find your replacement in your presence. Also, one person will have less fun because they’d be too busy trying to keep the other safe. 

Sex will become slow-paced 

Expectation: Sex is great and all, but after a while, it won’t happen as often, and you’ll find other things to do together.

Reality: While this might seem like a threat, it actually never gets slow-paced. And if it does, y’all are about to break up. Why do you even want it to be slow-paced? Do you not like enjoyment?

Noncommitment can be fixed by making the relationship open

Expectation: If you guys are struggling to stay committed to one another because of years spent on the streets, opening the relationship will fix it.

Reality: Except one or both of you are polyamorous, there’s no way opening a relationship can solve cheating or your partner’s inability to commit. Some situations are considered cheating in open relationships too. So it’s better to talk things out and make rules even. 

After you get heartbroken, this will be you.

They’d drop their standards for you

Expectations: It doesn’t matter what they usually like in a relationship, they’d drop it all for you. If he’s a bottom who’s never dated a bottom, he’ll change his mind because he likes you. 

Reality: He probably won’t. He’d drop those standards enough to have sex if he’s desperate, but not for a relationship. If, as a bottom, he thinks he can’t date a bottom, or as a masc guy, femme guys are too much for him, first, that’s a red flag, and you should run. Secondly, his opinion won’t miraculously change without you getting hate crimed first for a while. 

READ ALSO: The Lesbian Dating Experience: Expectations vs. Reality

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