Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • It’s officially pride month and the gays are outside. If you and your dearly beloved are out there for some quality movie time, you’ll be glad to know that there are some Nollywood gems that tell stories of love, the power of community and acceptance.

    And we made a list. 

    “Hell or High Water”

    This movie was released in 2016, two years after Nigeria’s Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act was enacted. Hell or High Water follows the life of a young, married, widely admired  pastor.  However, he’s soon forced to come to terms with his sexuality; a realisation that initially unsettled him. Hell or High Water exposes the issues of homophobia and societal stigma. Enyinna Nwigwe, Daniel K Daniel, Davies Adedayo, among others star in the movie.

    “Walking with Shadows”

    Released in 2019, this movie is an adaptation of Jude Dibia’s 2005 novel of the same name. 

    The movie revolves around the life of gay protagonist Ebele Njoko. In his bid to seek love and familial acceptance, Ebele reinvents himself as Adrian. Everything plays out well for Adrian until a vengeful colleague outs him as gay. Adrian is forced to reveal his sexuality when his wife confronts him. After their divorce, Adrian finds comfort in the power of community when his gay friend offers a helping hand.

    Directed by Aoife O’Kelly, Walking with Shadows features Ozzy Agu, Funiola Aofiyebi, Zainab Balogun, among others. 

     [ad]

    “All The Colors of The World Are Between Black and White”

    This movie should be on your radar if you’re looking for a queer romcom. 

    Directed by Babatunde Apalawo,  it  tells the story of two young men, Bambino and Bawa, who become friends after first meeting at a photography competition. The two soon start to develop feelings for each other but they can’t fully express what they feel for each other due to the highly homophobic society. However, the lovebirds are undeterred as they find ways to navigate their feelings. The story shows the importance of love, acceptance and the beauty of human connections. It stars Tope Tedela, Riyo David, Uchechika Elumelu, among others.

    “Ife”

    This 2020 short was produced by LGBTQ rights advocates and filmmakers, Pamela Adie and Uyaiedu Ikpe-Etim. It tells the love story of Ife and Adaora, two women who fall in love after an initial one-night date that extends to three days spent together. Ife highlights the challenges the experience of the ladies as queer lovers in Nigeria.

    “Country Love”

    Country Love follows the life of a young man, Kambili, who returns home after fifteen years and finds out that his memories of home have changed. The film explores the bond among siblings, love and sexuality, and their impact on queer people. Kelechi Michaels, Uzoamaka Onuoha and Divine Ahiwe.

    Read this next: We Got Married So We Can Be Gay in Peace

  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.

    Today’s #AbroadLife feature is an assistant audit manager who works for one of the world’s top accounting firms in New Zealand. He tells us how he got an amazing job opportunity and had to leave Nigeria. He is experiencing cultural shock that has shaken his views and stance on what morality truly is. 

    What inspired you to move to New Zealand?

    So I didn’t have to leave; it was more of a work opportunity I could harness. Despite the economic difficulties, life was already good in Nigeria, and I consider myself lucky. In Nigeria, I worked for one of the biggest accounting firms in the country as an auditor. In September 2022, I saw an offer for auditors being able to work for the same firm in another country’s branch. I had already worked for this firm in Nigeria for three and a half years, so I said, Why not?  

    Nice! What was the process like for you?

    So my migration path is different from others. My company had already worked everything out for me concerning my visa and other documents. I gained a work visa that allowed me to work for at most three years, and then I could apply for permanent residency. I came to New Zealand in February 2023. 

    However, there are different pathways. There are master’s scholarships and auditors that have now been included in the express pathway to permanent residency. If you know anyone in the audit line that can prove that they’ve been working in the field for at least three years, then they can apply. 

    Awesome! What would you say were your first experiences in New Zealand?

    Because of the job pathway I came in with, settling in wasn’t stressful. My company already had mobile relocation experts that helped me settle regarding accommodation and immigration documents. I’d say the people there are extremely friendly, and the population there is only 5.1 million people, which makes it very small. The food here isn’t really great. I ate something during my first week (I don’t know the name of the meal), and since then, I’ve decided to stick with African dishes.

    I can also say that you tend to see some crazy people on the street…

    Crazy, how?

    Well, I’d say the rate of gays, lesbians, and other people in the queer community is very rampant, like they are so open with their sexuality out there. I guess it shocks me more because I am a Christian. Anything goes here. The amount of people that take drugs here is crazy too. You can’t walk 100 metres without seeing a smoker of weed or other substances here in New Zealand. It’s impossible. Maybe it’s a normal thing out there.

    Wow, are there any advantages so far in staying in New Zealand?

    They have a structured economy in that even though you have a blue or white-collar job; you can rest assured that you’ll have a good quality of living. You don’t have to do too much to get food to eat, provided you work hard. With my NZ$10, I can feed for two days, more than you can get here in Nigeria. Over here, they pay workers’ wages by the hour, so you can make so much depending on how many hours you work. The value of the New Zealand Dollar is much better than Nigeria. Commodities seem readily available. The people I interact with, too, are amazing, as they have so much exposure.

    What are the disadvantages?

    In terms of raising kids, you don’t have so much control. You could be jailed in minutes if you spank your kids or chastise them in the smallest way. The kids here also seem to talk to their parents and act wayward. There seems to be a lack of a moral compass in that sense.

    I would say my bills, too, are kind of high, but only because of the location I’m in. You pay rent weekly in New Zealand and can get a place for as low as NZ$300, like N120-150k in Nigeria. That isn’t bad at all. To live in nicer apartments, you must start paying NZ$700, equivalent to N400k in Nigeria. 

    With these disadvantages, do you see yourself settling permanently in New Zealand?

    Well, New Zealand is not a bad place. It’s a very good place to start, but I’m not sure I want to settle down permanently in the long term. Maybe Australia or Canada perhaps. New Zealand can be very boring at times, and they also love travelling. Whenever public holidays come, the city is deserted because everyone has travelled to their villages for the holidays. It’s a great place to be, but one needs to manage the environment.

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Mary* (33) and Linda* (29), who’ve been together for two years and ten months. They talk about a failed party that led to exchanging numbers, meeting because of Christmas chicken, a complicated former relationship and dealing with various insecurities.

    How did you meet? 

    Mary: We met at an LGBTQ+ WhatsApp group. 

    Linda: The group was supposed to host a hangout party and she was appointed to head the Port Harcourt branch. The hangout ended up not happening, but I’d saved her number the moment she texted me. 

    Mary: We became status viewers and occasional texters. I was in a complicated relationship at the time, and I needed some new friends so we kept making plans to meet up. 

    Linda: In my mind, I wanted something more than friendship. When she posted her pictures, I saw how very hot she was, so I wanted to have sex with her, maybe even a relationship, anything more than just being her friend. But whenever she spoke, she always mentioned her girlfriend. I knew she was in a relationship, but I didn’t like that she constantly brought it up. It was such a turn off for me. 

    Oh, the complicated relationship

    Mary: The woman I was dating at the time had cheated on me in 2018. She said she’d let the woman go, but she ended up coming back to tell me she was polyamorous.

     I wanted to break up with her, but we lived together, and it was hard to. Mentally, I’d checked out of the relationship, but she didn’t want me to move out, so it was difficult to fall for someone else. 

    After a while, she  told me she wasn’t polyamorous anymore and wanted to be with only me.

    RELATED: Love Life: Being Polyamorous Didn’t Stop My Jealousy

    Yeah, that’s complicated. You mentioned something about both of you meeting up. When did that happen? 

    Linda: On December 23, 2019, a couple of months after we started talking, I posted on my status that I wanted to sell a chicken. She was interested in buying, but we kept going back and forth on who would come to see who. 

    Mary: I couldn’t transfer the payment because, every Christmas time, I withdraw a certain amount of money I’d need for the season ahead. There are always banking and card issues during Christmas season, so I just prefer to use cash. She wanted to send a rider to pick up the chicken, but I didn’t want to give the person cash in case he runs away with my money. I asked her to come deliver it herself because I would be busy at work the next day. She refused and somehow persuaded me to come over. 

    Linda: After all her shakara, she came o. She was standing by one big tree across the road. I saw her, but still called to make sure she was really the gorgeous stem in black jeans and t-shirt with red and white sneakers. 

    She picked up, and my heart melted. I just wanted to walk up to her and give her the kiss of her life. I approached her and couldn’t stop staring. It was love at first sight. 

    Mary: She even forgot to collect her money because she was staring so hard. I had to call her back to reality. 

    Meanwhile, I was thinking of how much this woman stressed me. I closed late from work, and there was traffic everywhere, but I still had to come over to her place to pick up chicken. 

    Did you both get a chance to talk?

    Mary: I had to rush back home, but she called the moment I got to my street, to ask if I got home safely. That was cute.

    Linda: She couldn’t even talk on the phone because she was busy, but then, she promised to call back that night. She never did. 

    Mary: I texted her the next day to explain that I’d dozed off. I asked her out on a date to make up for it. I was still technically dating my ex girlfriend at the time, but I was no longer feeling the relationship. I’d checked out since the cheating incident; I just didn’t leave. 

    Linda: We agreed to watch a movie on the 26th. I can never forget that date.

    Mary: The cinema was overpopulated, so we went to the karaoke lounge instead. 

    Linda: We talked, and she told me everything about her relationship with her ex. I told her about mine, and then, she sang for me. She was so hot, I had to run to the restroom to cool down. 

    Mary: I followed her to the restroom and tried to kiss her there, but she hesitated. As I was about to leave, she grabbed my head and kissed me. 

    Linda: It’s not like I didn’t want to initially. I just wasn’t comfortable with the environment, but clearly, she was too hot for me to care. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Left Our Partners For Each Other

    That’s cute. When did you start dating? 

    Mary: January 4, 2020. 

    Linda: She asked me to be her girlfriend. 

    Mary: On December 28, 2019, I travelled to my village for Christmas. I planned to return to Port Harcourt on the 6th of January, but on the 3rd, she told me to come see her in Umuahia, so I did. 

    Linda: I didn’t believe she would come, but she did. I planned for us to stay together and just relax, but I had a call to come back to Port Harcourt for work, so we left together that night. 

    Mary: We went our separate ways, but when I got home, I saw my girlfriend and another woman half naked on our bed. 

    For the first time in my life, I wasn’t bothered. I just apologised for barging in on them and went to wait in the living room till they were done so I could pack some of my things in the room. She tried to explain what was going on, but I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. 

    Linda: I remember her texting me about what happened. After I was done with the job, she came to meet me and stayed with me till we went home together. 

    Mary: At home, I made us food and told her I wanted her to be my girlfriend officially. She said yes. 

    What about your own girlfriend, Mary? 

    Mary: After Linda and I started dating, I’d told the girlfriend I’d fallen for someone else and was already in a relationship with her. She was angry, but I didn’t care. I moved my property little by little to the apartment I got. 

    Linda: When she told me everything, I started coming around to her house to stress the ex. 

    Mary: I eventually moved out in May, 2020. 

    Linda: At first, I wasn’t comfortable she was still living with her ex, but the more time I spent with Mary, the more I realised she’s not the kind of person to go back to someone once she’s done.

    What’s dating since you both stopped living with your exes? 

    Mary: Well, we don’t live together, but we spend a lot of time together. It’s just that she nags sometimes and assumes things that never happened.

    Linda: Sometimes, she acts like she wants to cheat. She hides her phone a lot when she starts getting admirers, and she gives them her attention.

    Mary: She has my password, but then, I don’t like the idea of her reading my chats each time we get together. I don’t do that to her because I trust her %100, and I wish for that to be reciprocated.

    Linda: It’s not like I don’t trust you. It’s just that I feel insecure once in a while. My ex started a whole relationship right under my nose while we were together. When I see signs that seem like it might be happening again, I start doubting. 

    Mary: It makes me mad, but I understand her. I try my best to assure her I’d never do anything like that to her. 

    Other than that, being with her is amazing. She gives great advice and is great company. 

    On a scale of 1-10, how’ll you rate your love life? 

    Mary: 8. We’re saving up to get married and leave the country. Until then, 8 will do.
    Linda: 9. My insecurities sometimes get in the way, but it’s a great relationship, and I love her.

    RELATED: Love Life: We Bonded Over Our Love For Music

  • We understand how sad it must feel to live your truth outside of bisexual visibility day. Especially when you feel like your identity isn’t valid and you don’t see enough bisexual representation in mainstream media. 

    That’s why we’ve come up with seven simple ways to feel less invisible as a bisexual person.

    Walk anywhere and take whatever you like

    I mean, you’re already invisible so do crime. How will they see you to catch? Walk into that store you’ve been eyeing for months and pick whatever you like. In fact, go to an amala joint and just dish whatever you like, eat and don’t pay. You’re basically untouchable at this point.

    RELATED: 7 Bisexual Nigerians Talk Sleeping With Men & Women

    Walk up to random people and shout, “It’s just a phase.”

    I strongly suggest you make use of a megaphone so it’s more effective. Since everybody thinks it’s okay to tell you how to identify, they should be okay hearing it back too. If you like, set a reminder to send this to random group chats daily. Anything to get the message across. They already think you’re bisexual for attention anyway.

    Wear the flag everywhere

    It’s a beautiful flag, so buy many yards to sew as many clothes as possible. It’ll call attention to you, and maybe you’ll be more visible. It’ll also make Tunde from bumble stop saying stupid shit like, “Wow, I’ve never met a bisexual in my life”, before proceeding to ask for a threesome. 

    phot credit: redbubble.com

    Choose yourself

    Since everyone’s favourite pastime is to tell you to pick a side, don’t let them know your next move. Choose yourself instead. As a bisexual person, your dating pool is instantly smaller because queer women think you’d cheat, and the men just want threesomes. Spare yourself all that and date yourself. It can’t get more self-love than that. 

    Watch music videos that were your bisexual awakening

    Like everyone else, there must be one or ten music videos that were your queer awakening. Whether it’s all of Beyonce’s music videos or that one song with Hayley Kiyoko and Kehlani, it’s hard to feel invisible when you’re watching things that make you feel seen.

    Take a quiz

    You know nothing makes you feel better than a good “How bisexual are you quiz”. Maybe you’ll finally figure it out, or probably not. Because your attraction to both genders might not be equal, and that’s okay. 

    Watch your favourite shows

    I know you watch it for the plot and amazing OST, and not for the two very different characters you have a crush on. When you feel the most invisible, you can always find comfort in romanticising a life where you’re married to both your celebrity crushes. 

    READ ALSO: Sex Life: Awakening My Bisexuality At 27

  • For my people that love good boy love content, if you’ve been in need of recommendations. Sit tight because these six dramas will change your life and have you screaming, God, when! 

    KinnPorsche (Thai)

    If you still haven’t seen KinnPorsche by now, what do you have against enjoyment? How much more convincing do you need? It’s a story about  Kinn, a guy from a mafia family, who meets Porsche, a bartender, while fleeing for his life. Kinn asks Porsche to help him. Porsche being a smart guy decides to help him but for a price and I stan. This drama is packed with suspense, romance and a bit of violence, so viewers’ discretion, please. Also, maybe don’t watch this one with your parents, e get why. 

    RELATED: Wholesome K-Dramas You Should Watch With Your Parents

    Cutie Pie (Thai)

    Cutie Pie is a twelve-episode short rom-com that follows the life of Kuea Keerati, a university student engaged to Lian Kilen Wang, a CEO. Someone say God when, please. Kuea loves Lian but trusts a rich man like Lian to prioritise his work over his relationship. As someone who is very anti-love, this made me feel very mushy, just so you know what to expect. 

    Semantic Error (Korean) 

    Who doesn’t love a perfect love story between the shy, quiet nerd and the outgoing, overly friendly himbo? Chu Sang Woo is a talented computer science student. He managed to keep to himself until he got put in a group project with Jang Hae Young.  This drama made me want to scream because why were they so cute?

    Oh! Boarding House (Korean)

    If you’re single and you watch this drama, just prepare to be jealous. Seol Won’s mother runs a low-cost boarding house. Since he’s out of work and she needs to go to her hometown, she entrusts the boarding house to Seol Won, which is how he meets Kim Cheol Soo, a teacher and his love interest. You know it’s a good drama when they find love in unconventional places.

    Love Class (Korean)

    Love Class is a sweet drama about finding love and community. Cha Ji Woo is a university student in love with a classmate Bae Yu Na. Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel the same way. One day a course demands that people pair up as  “couples” to complete a project about love and Ji Woo finds himself paired with Lee Ro Ah, a guy. Like every good project partners to romantic partner trope, this will leave you feeling good for a long time. 

    First Love, Again (Korean)

    First Love, Again is the type of boy love drama you’d watch when you’re in a drama slump. It has just six episodes, and unlike the rest of them on this list, it’s a fantasy drama. This drama follows the life of Yeon Seok, who was in love with Jeong Ha in his past life, except in this life, she reincarnated as a man. 

    READ ALSO: The 7 K-drama Shows That Should Be on Your Watchlist This September

  • You’re probably wondering what flagging is and why it’s important to queer people? First off,  it’s important to acknowledge that flagging has been a big subculture for as long as queer people have existed. It’s a subtly way of saying, “I’m queer and I’m here.” 

    For people like us who live in a country where it’s not so safe to be queer out loud and we get prosecuted for it due to the SAME SEX MARRIAGE (PROHIBITION) ACT (SSMPA) bill, it doesn’t take away the need to live as boldly as you can in public. Hence the need to flag. Queer flagging here means wearing, owing using terms, clothing, etc as a way of hinting to other another queer people that you too are queer. 

    I spoke to these four queer Nigerians, and here’s what they had to say about flagging and why it’s important to them. 

    Milan,  she/her

    Queer flagging, to me, is showing other community members you’re one of them. The subtle hints allow other queer people to recognise you outside. It’s important for me to queer flag because I’m a femme woman meaning that I’m not someone people stereotypically ascribe queerness to. People see me and assume I’m for the man dem, but I’m for the girls and the gays. I want to be noticed by other queer women. I am tired of men moving to me, thinking I like them. I’m a lesbian. We live in a homophobic country, and you can’t just walk up to someone of your gender and tell them you like them like that. 

    You have to watch out for signs, maybe looks or a particular attitude or behaviour. I like to be approached, talked to and taken seriously, so I flag because I don’t fit into the queer stereotype. To be honest, I don’t like queer flagging because it feels like a performance, but I understand its importance, even though I wish I didn’t have to. It feels like I’m performing sexuality and not staying true to myself, but it needs to be done.  

    RELATED: Why Dating Femme Queer Women Is Not for the Weak

    JJ, he/him

    Of course, there’s no one way to look queer, but when I was still a baby gay, no one could tell I was queer even when I went to queer parties. Now that I’m a typical example of what a queer masc person looks like, people now get me. 

    I imagine it must be difficult for femme queer women. The problem is that even back then, I was a bit of a tomboy — and being tomboy doesn’t necessarily mean queer — but as soon as I cut my hair, everyone and their daddies started to call me “gay” outside. The upside to flagging is that your tribe will easily find you, but it will also attract homophobes. I will never stop, though. It’s the only way I can affirm my queerness in public when I feel the need to hide.  

    Theo, she/they

    Queer flagging for me is how I present myself when I’m outside in a bid not to look cishet passing because I’m non-binary. I mostly never “look queer”. I envy people who can, though. I feel like I can just walk up to someone with aqueer aesthetic and talk to them, but I don’t “look it”, so they wouldn’t know how to react to me in that “I see you” way.

    It sucks sometimes but it’s still important to me that queer people flag because it makes me feel like I’m not alone when I step out of my house. I live for that smile across the street when I see a queer person outside. It’s such a mood booster. You see someone living their best queer life and it makes you feel like you can do it too because this person is living so proudly. Like yass, that’s the agenda.

    Ink, he/ they

    Its important becausethose who know will recognise the way you flag. Queer flagging is important because it helps you find community. It’s not safe for people to just announce they’re queer in this hell of a country, but queer flagging will let you know who’s queer or, at the very least, who won’t mind being regarded as queer. When you understand how other people are flagging and they know you understand, it’s like an instant connection. You let down your guard around each other. I feel like I’m the only queer person around me sometimes, but going out and catching the eye of someone who’s also queer, sharing a smile or a nod? That thing can make  my day.

    *Names have been changed to protect subjects’ identity, and answers slightly edited for clarity.

    READ ALSO: 6 Queer Nigerian Women Talk About Experiencing Violence For Being Queer

  • Folu* is a 35 year-old gay Nigerian man living in Atlanta, Georgia. Before leaving Nigeria, he didn’t have or feel like he needed a gay community of friends. But everything changed when he finally moved to a country where he didn’t have to hide behind machismo. 

    This is Folu’s story, as told to Conrad. 

    Have you ever heard of straight-passing? It’s the queer version of how biracial people like Mariah Carey can often pass for white, but for sexuality, it’s a queer person passing as straight. Even though straight-passing is a controversial subject, it’s something I’ve always done, consciously and unconsciously.  

    I’d always known I was gay for as long as I could remember. There wasn’t any significant moment of realisation; my queerness just came with my consciousness as a human being. But the thing is, I didn’t tick any of the stereotypical boxes gay men were supposed to tick. I didn’t care about fashion, pop music or Drag Race. I was a “guy’s guy” who liked football and beer. The only thing that differentiated me from the next guy was that I might be attracted to that guy. 

    Because of my ability to easily assimilate into the straight community, I never suffered any form of bullying or discrimination. All my friends were straight except one — another straight-passing guy. I’d always assumed it was an unconscious choice, but the older I got, the more I had to confront the truth that part of my blending in was a defence mechanism. If I looked and sounded “straight”, no one would suspect anything, and I’d be safe. 

    But all of that changed when I relocated from Lagos to Atlanta in 2021. 

    When I started applying for jobs in Atlanta, I honestly didn’t think I’d get one. In a post-lockdown world where people were losing their jobs everywhere, here I was on a plane to take up a job that would’ve easily been given to an American. 

    I left Nigeria, never knowing what it felt like to have openly gay friends. All the other gay men I knew were men I’d met on hookup apps and had sex with. And because of my internalised homophobia and the fear of being outed, I’d confined our relationships to just sex. I didn’t really have a gay male friend until I met my co-worker, Nathan*

    Like me, Nathan was Nigerian, but he’d moved to Atlanta right after secondary school for university. He was nothing like I’d ever experienced, and till today, I still like to say he forced our friendship. Because he’d moved to America earlier, Nathan had a surer sense of self and sexuality. He’d experienced loved loudly, chopped breakfast, gone back to the streets and expressed himself freely as a gay man. I avoided him at first because I didn’t want to be the new gay guy from Nigeria, but he saw through my bullshit and persisted. 

    RECOMMENDED: 6 Queer Nigerians Tell Us What It Is Like Being Outed

    Even though I knew I was finally in a country where I didn’t have to pretend, I was still very discreet. I  kept all my interactions with queer men to just sex. And oh boy, I was having a lot of it. However, when the novelty of meeting new men every two days started to wear off, I started to feel lonely, and that’s when Nathan and I became friends. He was the first Nigerian I got close to and the only person who understood the loneliness I was feeling at the time. I eventually warmed up to having my first openly gay friend. 

    The first time I admitted to being gay in Atlanta was while filling out a hospital form. After the “Male”, “Female, and “Others” part of the form, there was a box for “Sexual Orientation”. Coming from Nigeria, this was new to me. After much thought, I ticked the “Gay” part. That moment turned out to be a major turning point for me. 

    The final part of my acceptance happened when Nathan dragged me to the 2021 pride ceremony in Atlanta. I’d heard about pride when I was in Nigeria, and I also remember when young Nigerians were calling for one. I distinctly remember reading an article by Vincent Desmond and wondering why we needed pride in Nigeria, knowing we weren’t even safe in the first place. I thought it was the new generation of gays being extra and overly influenced by Western media. 

    Before getting to America, I used to think of pride as a massive petri dish of gay men and women looking to hook up. And while that can be true, in Atlanta,  I also noticed something more: community. Thanks to Nathan, I ended up talking to many people, and everyone there had a story to tell. Some struggled with self acceptance, some had accepted themselves but struggled with a lack of acceptance from their friends and family while others just came out with a “fuck the world” attitude. 

    Despite the diverse skin tones and experiences, we were all connected, not just by our pain but by our joy. Pride was a celebration I didn’t know I needed until I was smack in the middle of it. 

    The emotions during the pride march got so overwhelming that I found myself crying. The tears were for many things: for the time I’d lost building relationships where I was scared to be myself; for the fact that this glorious thing I was experiencing was something many Nigerian queer men needed but lacked access to; andbecause I recognised how lucky I was to be in a space where I could love and be loved without fear. 

    I’m not big on tears, so this was a moment for me. 

    Even though I’d made plans to go back home with someone and have lots of sex, I left that march with something more. For the first time, I not only realised who I was, but I also accepted it. I’ll never tick the stereotypical boxes of being gay, and that’s alright. While I’m still the football-loving, super macho gym bro, I’m also gay AF and not afraid to show it anymore. It took leaving Nigeria for me to finally accept who I really am. 

    *Name has been changed to protect the identity of the subject involved. 

    ALSO READ: 5 Queer Nigerians’ Thoughts on Celebrating Pride Month

  • A while back, I wrote about the realities of the lesbian dating experience and realised I had to do one for people in gay relationships too. For this, I spoke to several people in the gay community, and here’s what they shared with me about the reality of gay relationships.

    You’ll enjoy each other’s shows 

    Expectations: You’ll love each other’s shows and  be willing to wait for the other person when new episodes come out.  

    Reality: One of you will spend the entire relationship begging the other to watch your shows. And one person will always be ahead of the other on the one you end up watching together. Life’s tough, but love is tougher.

    RELATED: 5 Bisexual Men Talk About Discovering Their Sexuality

    After the talking stage, a relationship is expected

    Expectation: After spending that much time talking and getting to know each other’s childhood fears, the logical thing is a relationship.

    Reality: Unfortunately, most times, all that happens is sex. Which, in all fairness, is not such a bad deal. But when you want more than sex, it’s hard not to keep getting disappointed by people with commitment issues. Hooking up is easy, but getting into a relationship is complicated. 

    Everyone you meet is new, so it’s a unique experience 

    Expectation: If you meet someone outside of your friends for the first time, and no one knows him, it’s refreshing, and you’ll end up in less messy situations. 

    Reality: The dating pool is too small for the people you meet not to be your ex’s ex. If you meet someone no one knows, you should be careful, so you don’t get a Kito experience you’ll regret. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Got Set Up By A Straight Man Pretending To Be Gay 

    Clubbing or attending parties will be much better with your partner 

    Expectation: Parties and clubs become 10x more fun when you go with your partner; what’s better than an experience you’ll share memories of instead of having to tell them about it? 

    Reality: That’s how they’ll find your replacement in your presence. Also, one person will have less fun because they’d be too busy trying to keep the other safe. 

    Sex will become slow-paced 

    Expectation: Sex is great and all, but after a while, it won’t happen as often, and you’ll find other things to do together.

    Reality: While this might seem like a threat, it actually never gets slow-paced. And if it does, y’all are about to break up. Why do you even want it to be slow-paced? Do you not like enjoyment?

    Noncommitment can be fixed by making the relationship open

    Expectation: If you guys are struggling to stay committed to one another because of years spent on the streets, opening the relationship will fix it.

    Reality: Except one or both of you are polyamorous, there’s no way opening a relationship can solve cheating or your partner’s inability to commit. Some situations are considered cheating in open relationships too. So it’s better to talk things out and make rules even. 

    After you get heartbroken, this will be you.

    They’d drop their standards for you

    Expectations: It doesn’t matter what they usually like in a relationship, they’d drop it all for you. If he’s a bottom who’s never dated a bottom, he’ll change his mind because he likes you. 

    Reality: He probably won’t. He’d drop those standards enough to have sex if he’s desperate, but not for a relationship. If, as a bottom, he thinks he can’t date a bottom, or as a masc guy, femme guys are too much for him, first, that’s a red flag, and you should run. Secondly, his opinion won’t miraculously change without you getting hate crimed first for a while. 

    READ ALSO: The Lesbian Dating Experience: Expectations vs. Reality

  • As a queer person, there’s no better pick me up than watching hours of queer shows during the weekend to make you feel better. The series on this list has some of the best reps and some of the most unforgettable characters. Not every time “we outside”, sometimes stay in and enjoy these seven underrated queer series; it’ll only take you two days anyway. 

    Our Flag Means Death

    My new favourite TV thing is when writers rewrite history. Black British royalty, Ariana Grande’s music in the 1800s, and Our Flag Means Death did not shy away. This show is a ten-episodes-too-short romantic comedy that follows the life of Captain Stede and his almost entirely queer crew. You get to enjoy a rarely seen fun yet tender relationship between two men where they end up together. Our Flag Means Death feels almost revolutionary with how effortlessly all the queer characters are portrayed, and that’s why it’s a 10/10. 

    READ ALSO: Here’s What Your Favourite Lesbian Movie Says About You

    Trigonometry

    If you had to pick one show on this list to watch, let it be Trigonometry. Gemma and Kieran are a couple who needed money to sort bills, so they rented their spare room out to Ray. It’s all good until they both fall in love with her and she with them. This show explores polyamory with no form of judgement, and it’s funny, clumsy, authentic, and well-rounded characters. BBC did a madness with this series, and if I had to rate it, I’d give it an 11/10. 

    Dickinson

    Again with the trope of rewriting history, ‌you can’t even complain about it. Dickinson is a historical comedy-drama based on Emily Dickinson, the famous poet who’s in love with her best friend/sister-in-law Sue. You can’t watch Emily talk about her poetry and not fall in love with her passionate personality. You might not finish this one in one weekend, but it’s too good to not be on this list. 

    Dead End: Paranormal Park

     Dead End: Paranormal Park is about a trans boy and his friends working at a haunted theme park full of the most foolish demons. It’s a sweet coming-of-age trans story about a boy dealing with a family who doesn’t support him but finds friends who love him for who he is and romantic love. The show might have taken fighting demons literally, but I love it and why you will too. 

    Feel Good

    Feel Good is like a long stand-up comedy, except sometimes you’re not laughing, sometimes you’re triggered, and sometimes you’re sad. Mae and Geroge might not be in a complicated relationship, but their individual lives complicate things for them. This series shows that sometimes queer relationships aren’t sweet and overly romanticised. The most significant turning point is Mae and Geroge learning to hold space for each other during all that, which makes Feel Good at least a 9/10 for me.  

    Heartstopper

    There’s no love story as soft as  Heartstopper, and I love that younger queer kids get to experience this. What happens when the school jock falls in love with the openly gay boy? Well, that’s Charlie and Nick’s awkward but beautiful schoolboy romance. The best thing about this series is exploring the queer joy and accepting one’s authentic self. While not avoiding homophobia and bullying, it doesn’t dwell on it either. Beware, his show will have you giggling like a 15-year-old. 

    First Kill

    First Kill hits the spot for people like me who love to read the cheesiest, low-key senseless lesbian paranormal books. This movie is Shakespeare meets Twilight and is written around Juliette and Calliope’s complicated love story of a vampire falling in love with a vampire hunter. It has all the tropes that make the series predictable, but that’s the appeal. Don’t go in expecting to have deep thoughts; it’ll end in tears. But, be ready to laugh, cry, and stan because you know it’s good when something is so bad, it’s good? That’s First Kill. 

    READ ALSO: These 7 Animated Shows Have the Coolest LGBTQ Representation

  • June is the month when the Queer community gets to celebrate the joy of their existence worldwide. From marches to pride parades, balls, e.t.c, it’s a celebration of the lives of people existing loudly and proudly as their most authentic selves. We spoke to these five Nigerians about what celebrating pride month in Nigeria meant to them.

    Lu (they/them)

    I think of pride month as independence day for LGBTQ+ people. They’re free to express themselves, marry, and live a life free from danger. But since it doesn’t apply to me here in Nigeria, I decided to look at it as me celebrating coming to terms with my sexual orientation and gender identity. I struggled with it, so pride month is my independence. 

    I celebrated by watching LGBTQ+ series, mostly animated, because they’re more authentic. Most non-animated series/movies gave off “let’s just add LGBTQ+ characters so it won’t look like we’re bigots” and the characters barely have personalities outside their identity. 

    I wish I’d gone to the parties and events people hosted and attended a pride parade or drag show. But I’m an introvert and still live with my mom.

    RELATED: These 7 Animated Shows Have the Coolest LGBTQ Representation

    Temi  (he/they)

    To me, Pride is a celebration. It’s happiness despite everything happening — holding onto your community, checking up on each other. Having a month means something about me, my identity and my community. It makes me so happy. 

    I celebrated by publishing queer love letters throughout the month. Every one of those letters brought me immense joy. I had a pride picnic with queer people in my school, which was the highlight of my entire month. I also read queer books at home. 

    I would have loved to attend the queer parties and events, but I can’t come out at night, as I live with my parents. I’m bitter about that and blame this useless government for not ending the strike so I could celebrate pride properly with my friends. If everything had gone to plan, I might have attended several pride parties this year, gotten a new partner, and enjoyed my life.

    Muna (they/she) 

    Pride month for me is just a time to hang out with my queer friends and family. It’s very wholesome, I feel seen, and I don’t have to pretend I’m heterosexual. I don’t get to be in spaces like this often, so it’s always amazing. I celebrated Pride Month by going to random queer spaces looking like my gayest self — places that make me happy, and I didn’t have to bond over trauma.

    Clover (she/her) 

    Pride Month celebrates how far we’ve come as a community. Even though I can’t openly celebrate because of the homophobia, I post about queer history and culture worldwide on my Whatsapp status. If I could, I’d march the streets wearing all kinds of rainbow merch. One day, one day. 

    Fidel (he/him)

    For me, pride month is the one time in my life when I find myself rid of fear. There’s something about seeing myself among queer people happy and celebrating that makes me feel like life is worth something.

    I spent this month attending as many events as possible, sitting with my chosen family, watching movies and documentaries, and having dinner. I used to think I hated going out, but I don’t. I just needed to be in the presence of people to whom I didn’t have to explain myself.

    I know we’re not where many countries are regarding the rights of LGBTQ+ people, but seeing people in other countries celebrate gives me hope that one day that could be us. 

    ALSO READ: 9 Ways to Support Your Queer Friend During Pride Month