As a lesbian navigating the complicated experience that is queer dating in Nigeria, if you go into it with expectations based on what you see in any form of media you consume, it will end in tears. But, because we care about you, here are the realities of dating as a lesbian.
1. Double wardrobe, more fun outfits to try
Expectations: You guys will love each other’s sense of style and wear each other’s clothes, especially if you live together.
Reality: One of you will have fewer clothes before the relationship ends. Also, you’ll likely find her sleeping in your T-shirt you only wear on special occasions or stealing your socks. Be prepared for annoying behaviour.
2. She’ll move in with you and it will be fun
Expectations: You’ll adopt or buy a cat, make breakfast for each other and will barely fight or argue.
Reality: Like every normal human being, you’ll argue sometimes. Being a lesbian doesn’t cancel our arguments. Sharing a pet is hard, especially if you guys break up. Also, living with someone — a lover or not — can be exhausting. Maybe don’t do that?
3. Her friends will become your friends
Expectation: if her friend group is exclusively queer, they’d all automatically be friends with you.
Reality: They probably won’t even like you, but who knows why? Especially if one of them has had a crush on her for a while. Good luck. Be friendly, but always remember that they are her friends first.
4. Your partner will care for you when you get your period
Expectation: when you get your period, your partner will pamper you and make you tea and give you belly rubs.
Reality: your partner may want to do all that but your periods will probably sync up, so now the both of you will cry together. Good luck.
5. Unlimited orgasms
Expectations: You’ll orgasm 24 times in 24 hours every day of the week.
Reality: you and your partner are not rabbits, please. And even God rested on the seventh day. Don’t you have work? Do you want to die? If you get 24 orgasms in one day from one person, report the person to the police for attempted murder.
6. They know how to treat women because they are women
Expectation: your partner will reply to all your texts, be able to read your mind, be overly romantic.
Reality: it’s not a packed deal that comes with being a lesbian. They can be assholes, too. Being a woman doesn’t make you an expert on women’s affairs.
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