The illegality of armed robbery has made Nigerians very creative in the ways they have decided to steal. So, here are nine things Nigerians have resorted to doing since theft is a crime.
1) Lagos restaurants
Stealing may be illegal, but opening a Lagos restaurant is (unfortunately) not. The setup is quite simple — outrageous cocktail prices, seven different kinds of pasta, and an Instagrammable location. The food doesn’t even have to taste good or have large portions. Just those three things and you have a Lagos restaurant.
2) Selling thrift clothing
Thrift is meant to be cheaper than buying from stores, but it’s like the ones on Instagram are bend-down select that got Masters degrees from Harvard. Imagine spending ₦5k on thrift clothes. Why? Who did the people of Nigeria actually offend?
3) DM for price
Put your price on the page of what you’re selling, they said no. Why? So people can message them and they can charge differently based on vibes? If this behaviour continues, we may have to step in.
4) Selling clothes with names
The year is 2351, Nigerians are now being called skirt001, trouser002, dress003 because Nigerian designers have used all the traditional names to name their designs. With price tags like ₦23,599 for the Oworonsoki skirt and ₦34,569 for the Ibukunoluwa shirt, why won’t Nigerians leave the names for the clothes? Those ones clearly need it more.
5) Delivery prices
Although we might be a secular state, some things have to be done with the fear of hell. At least, if people think their evil deeds will cause them eternal pain, they won’t be setting delivery prices the way they do. How can you buy something of ₦3k and then have to pay a delivery fee of ₦2500? How rich do they think we are?
6) Selling nkwobi
Earth won’t stop spinning if nkwobi sellers stop trying to deceive us with those shallow “bowls”. Please, we’re begging. We’re not even proud. Just abeg nau.
7) Valentine’s Day packages
Love is supposed to be a selfless affair, but with prices of some of these Valentine’s Day packages, selflessness is in the mud. Very soon, they’d include land and a small child.
8) Become a Nigerian politician
They’re constantly awarding bogus and unnecessary contracts to themselves. There are some roads that have been awarded more than once to various companies. Yet, potholes everywhere. Being a Nigerian politician is legal, but armed robbery is not.
9) Online vendors that don’t do refunds
With the way the country is hard, why will you not give a refund if something happens. There can be a million and one reasons for a customer to ask for a refund. Some of the vendors will deliver wrong size products, lie about delivery times, deliver poor quality goods and receive payment twice. Yet, they’d scream about how they don’t do refunds. Kuku carry gun.
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