Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 31-year-old heterosexual man who has slept with over 300 women. He talks about regretting the unbelievable number and the stories behind a lot of the encounters.
What was your first sexual experience?
I don’t know if this counts, but the maid used to make me sleep with her when I was 8 years old. It happened about 10 times and finally stopped when she left. I now know that it was sexual assault, but I don’t think it affected me in any way.
I actually forgot about it for a while. Then when I got older, I just randomly remembered the experience. I don’t think it left any major scars. I just think of it as something that happened a long time ago.
Damn. I’m sorry. When was your first consensual experience?
The first time I intentionally slept with a woman, I was 16. She was a little older — I think around 22. She came to stay with my neighbour during one of these long holidays, and we hit it off.
I didn’t even think it would happen. We just used to have friendly bants. It was actually my older cousin who wanted to sleep with her, but she was scared and apprehensive because he was almost 30.
How did the relationship transition from a platonic one to a sexual one?
We both felt comfortable with each other, so we’d just spend hours talking. One day, I was talking to her about feelings, and she said something about liking me. I then jokingly asked her if she liked me enough to have sex with me.
To my surprise, she said yes. I decided not to tell her that I hadn’t had sex before, because I thought she would change her mind. Anyway, we had sex and it was really nice. Then we did it every day until she left.
What happened after?
Funny enough, while the experience was definitely great, it didn’t turn me into some sex-hungry monster. The next time I hooked up with another person was almost a year later. I was very patient about it.
What’s your sex life like these days?
I think I am officially on the road to retirement. My sex life is nothing at all like it used to be. This year has been really tame, especially when you compare it to what went on in my past.
What went on in your past?
It’s a mix of fun and regretful memories. I’ve been with north of 300 women, and while that might sound unbelievable, it’s unfortunately very true. I even find it hard to believe sometimes.
300? Seriously? How did you manage that?
I honestly don’t know. Many times, I feel like I actually haven’t had that much sex, but I know that’s just me trying to make myself feel better. I know it’s an insane number, but it’s a mix of motivations that got me to that point.
What kind of motivations?
Sometimes it was because I wanted to prove a point to friends. Sometimes I’d be mad at a guy and decide to punish him by sleeping with his babe. Sometimes it was a bet. Sometimes it was because I saw a couple smiling and I wanted to test their bond.
Honestly, this is really hard for me to talk about because I see how terrible I used to be. It wasn’t always for a messed up reason though. Sometimes I’d sleep with a babe, and she’d recommend me to a friend.
Wait. People used to bet with you to sleep with women?
Yeah. My friends and I would give each other a time frame — usually around a month — to sleep with a woman in a relationship, and if you pulled it off, you could win up to N200k. I did a bunch of these kinds of bets, and I only ever lost one of them.
Did you ever date anyone during this time?
Yeah, I did, but during that period, I didn’t take any bets.
Did you sleep with other people though?
I did, but we were on a break when it happened. So, I didn’t feel like I was cheating or anything. The sex wasn’t even that great, so it only happened once and I told my babe once the break ended.
So, you never cheated, but you were testing other people’s relationships?
I’ve never felt the need to cheat. I also think cheating is impossible to stop once you start, so I just never went there. About testing people’s relationships, it was fun for me at the time. I enjoyed the thrill.
Like, in retrospect, I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I just really enjoyed seeing how strong their commitment really was. I also liked the fact it was never really more than sex for the women. Once we were done, they’d just return to their boyfriends.
Would you ever forgive a partner for cheating on you?
My answer might sound insane, but if there’s a way I can be sure she used a condom, then yes. If she had sex raw or gave him head, then nope. There’s no going back if you cheat without a condom.
What’s the difference?
I don’t know how to explain it, but sex without a condom just feels way too intimate to me. Also, giving him head is just too far. I mean, she’s going to come back and kiss me with that mouth. It feels extra disrespectful.
Were you using condoms during all your sexcapades?
A lot of times, yes. I’m a huge fan of condoms and I always have one on me. Sometimes I’d feel like having sex without them, but 80% of the time, I used a condom. I also get tested for STDs on a yearly basis.
Did you ever turn down a chance to have sex?
Ah. Yes now. I wasn’t that bad. Not to sound like an ass, but I don’t like ugly girls. It’s very difficult for me to get it up for an ugly girl. That’s not to say it never happened in a moment of weakness, but I typically turn them down.
I’ve also never slept with a married woman, a friend’s babe, a friend’s ex or a friend’s sister. Those are lines I’ve never been willing to cross, even when I was at my worst. So, yeah, I’ve been able to turn down sex a number of times.
So, what exactly happened that made you decide to change your ways?
I think it’s age. I did most of these things in my 20s. Now, I’m 31 and I feel the need to settle down. I want to focus on being with one woman. I actually like the idea of love and commitment, and I would like to try that again.
Will you tell whoever you choose to be with about your past?
Yeah, I will. I feel like I owe it to them.
Have you had to tell anyone yet?
Not in this much detail, but yeah. She was actually very understanding. She knew that it was in my past, and everyone has something in their past that they aren’t exactly proud of. So, she didn’t let it bother her.
Do you think you’d be as understanding if the situation was reversed?
Ah. I don’t think I would believe it if a babe says she’s slept with over 300 guys. However, if she insists that it’s true, I would definitely feel some type of way. But, if I really like her, I don’t think it would stop me from wanting to be with her.
Yeah. As long as she’s gotten tested and I don’t know any of the guys, I’m fine. I also need to be sure that it’s in the past, and she’s not like that anymore. I really don’t think it would be a big deal for me.
Knowing the guys would make a difference?
Not necessarily. It’s just to see how they behave around her when we’re together, so you know the fools and the normal people. Some guys can be stupid and try to flirt just because they have history. I just don’t want to have to deal with those ones.
So, body count really isn’t a factor for you?
Lowkey, I actually prefer babes with more bodies. I’m used to babes running or telling me to wait or stop or reduce my pace or whatever. So, when I hear that a babe has been with her fair share of guys, I assume she’ll be better in bed.
Yeah. Igbo babes are usually the ones that can keep up. I love them so much. Yoruba babes tend to disappoint.
Is that a fair conclusion?
Well, in my experience, it is. I’ve been with between about 250 Igbo babes and maybe 30 Yoruba babes (probably a little less), and the results don’t lie. I have been with two Yoruba babes that were great, but at the end of the day, Igbo babes reign supreme.
Lmao. Ok. How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Currently at 0. I’m trying to be a different person. I’ve decided not to be with anyone just for sex anymore. I want to learn how to be on my own, instead of just racking up more bodies. So, yeah, my sex life is virtually non-existent right now,
So, you’re celibate at the moment?
No oh. I’d have sex tomorrow if the right woman came along. I just want to stop having meaningless sex, not stop having sex entirely. I mean, my head might touch next week and I’ll scrap this entire thing, but for now, that’s my goal.
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