Ranked: Nigerian Internet Service Providers

September 16, 2022

On Zikoko Ranked, we would usually rate things from best to worst or most enjoyable to least enjoyable. This is a bit different because everyone is on equal footing. It’s a large compilation of rubbish. 

MTN 

They promised they’d be everywhere we go, but not with good network it seems. If they manage to give you network, they would attach a straw to your device and SUCK out your data. We advise they quit trying to be a network and just enter drinking competitions for a living. 

9Mobile

The best thing about them is that in locations where all other networks suffer, they shine. Unfortunately, not everyone is trying to stream their favourite show from the top of a mountain. 

Airtel 

Where does one even begin with a network like Airtel? At random moments, nobody in a particular area will have network for a long time. Then they’ll try to apologise with 50MB. So not only is the network bad, but they’re also disrespectful. Also, it’s clear their entire budget is dedicated to TV commercials.

Glo

People say Glo is getting better, but is Glo aware they’re supposed to be getting better? Because it seems like they aren’t. If multiple people within a location are using glo, the result is a phone that’ll buffer from now to thy kingdom comes. 

Spectranet 

How can you be an internet provider in Nigeria, but not work in all Nigerian states? That’s the story of Spectranet. They select which states are entitled to their poor service. How can you be forming exclusivity with rubbish? Even in Lagos, their internet will work in one house, but somehow, not work at all in the next. It’s giving Owambe-caterer eyeservice.

Smile 

What’s actually there to smile about? The price? The network? The name must be an ironic joke, because what is there to smile about? They claim to provide “SuperFast” internet, but their network doesn’t go beyond 3 mbps at any given time. Blatant liars.

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