13 Words That Do Not Exist In Your Nigerian Parents’ Vocabulary

August 5, 2016

1. “Allowance”

Which one is allowance? Are they not ‘allowing’ you live in their house for free? My friend, will you leave this place.

2. “Privacy”

You want them to give you privacy in their own house? You want them to knock before they enter your bedroom? You’re a joker. You will get privacy when you move out and marry.

3. “Dating”

Which one is dating? Better face your book, graduate, then you can ‘date’ your spouse after both of you have married finish.

4. “Sex”

Sex doesn’t exist. Simpu. The end. Full stop. Bye.

5. “Rest”

Rest ke? Are you God? Even God created the whole world before he rested? What have you done in your small life that you are resting? You can rest when you have died, abeg.

6. “Please”

Why are the people that gave birth to you telling you “please” biko? So they should beg you to bring the remote that is right beside them? You are not a serious somebody.

7. “Sorry”

Shebi people only say sorry when they are wrong? Well, there you have it, your parents can never be wrong. So why should they even know that word?

8. “Thank you”

Wait, you want your parents to thank you for doing something? See this comedian. The only time you might mistakenly hear those words is if you tell them “I love you.”

9. “Adult”

You think you are now an adult because you have turned 18 abi 21? Ehn go and report to the police that your parents don’t know what adult means. You will still chop all these slaps and punishments.

10. “Sick”

You’re not sick, you are well in Jesus’ name.  Now stand up from that hospital bed, wear your uniform and be going to school.

11. “Sleepover”

You want to go and sleep inside another person’s house? You don’t have house? You don’t have bed? Infact, you don’t have sense.

12. “Whispering”

Why should they be whispering? If they don’t shout on the phone and at the person standing right beside them, how will people now hear what they are saying?

13. “Grounded”

Which kind of oyinbo nonsense is that one, abeg? Go an bring that cane from their room now now jare.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X