We Need To Talk About Being Single In A Nigerian Church

August 4, 2016

1. When you leave teen church and realise you are now a member of adult church:

Ahn ahn! Just like that?

2. When someone suggests you join the choir/drama/ushering department because “singles are many there”:

Sorry please who asked you?

3. When the pastor starts giving marriage tips and marriage is sounding like punishment:

It’s kuku not by force!

4. How your newly engaged friends leave singles fellowship:

“I am not one of them.”

5. When your newly engaged church friend is already dispensing relationship advice during bible study:

Uncle shey you will marry first before you start doing abebelube!

6. When people start saying you’ll “find your Boaz/Proverbs 31 woman”:

Hello please did I tell you they are my spec?

7. How people look at you when they see you with different friends of the opposite sex 3 weeks in a row:

Someone cannot have friends in peace!

8. When people in church think you and your friend are “courting”:

HELLO PLEASE LET’S OBSERVE CALM DOWN!

9. When there is yet another singles conference:

Is it every month?

10. When someone claims God told them you are going to be their wife/husband:

Please he did not tell me oh!

11. When couples start feeling cool in church:

Please did Jesus marry?

12. How your parents looks at you when the pastor asks single people to stand up for prayers:

Oya stand up so you can leave their house!

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