1. When a fresher asks you where “Ofolawbasement” is.

See this one.

2. When you see the queue for uniben shuttle to new Benin.

God forbid.

3. When you’re walking with a girl in Ekosodin and you hear “guy show”.

Not today, satan.

4. When there’s no light in school and you go to charge at GTB.

Na wa.

5. How reading halls look during exam time:

You people know how to read now abi?

6. You and your guys, when Post UME babes start showing:

We move.

7. When you tell the intra-campus bus driver that you’re going to block of flats.

Ah! No vex.

8. When you see shotput nylons flying out of hall 2.


9. When the smell of beans hits you as you enter hall 4.


10. You, watching insults fly between hall 2 girls and hall 3 boys.

Are you not entertained?

11. When you’re trying to read in night class and you hear “My brothers and sisters, I won’t take much of your time”


12. When you decide that your life is more important.

I cannot come and go and die.

13. When you are passing BDPA at night and you hear something that sounds like a gunshot.


14. When you get to 500LT by 6am for an 8am class.

What the hell?

15. Uniben and long queues.

B.Sc in Queueing along with your real degree.

16. When you’re single and you see couples loving up at hall 2 car park and love gutter.

What are you people doing?

17. When you are waiting for buka 7 rice and someone tries to cut in front of you

You wan’t to die ba?

18. Whenever you have to use a toilet in the hall.

Disease is not my portion. Co-written with Zikoko contributor, @TheGrandVezir


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.