1. When you finally agree to follow your friend to their church and you’re enjoying the service.


2. Then you now hear “if you’re worshiping with us for the first-time…”

Hay God!

3. How your friend looks at you when you refuse to raise your hand:

Will you get up, my friend.

4. When you finally stand up and the whole church turns to look at you like:

Fresh meat.

5. You, when they start singing “you are welcome in the name of the Lord…”

Well, this is awkward.

6. How all the old church aunties stand up to come and welcome you:

By force touching and hugging.

7. When they tell you to pack your bible and move to the front of the church.

Chai! What is it?

8. When they give you first-timers card to fill and you see space for phone number.

You will now be sending me text up and down like MTN.

9. You, waiting for the whole service to just do and finish:


10. When the service ends and you hear “all the first-timers please wait behind.”

Has it not finished?

11. When you’re expecting jollof rice but they give you CD of the pastor’s message.

Is this the refreshment?

12. You, when the welcoming unit asks “can we visit you sometime?”

Is it like that they used to visit?

13. When they start telling you about all their mid-week services.

It’s not me and you people oh.

14. When you’re leaving and they ask “will we be seeing you again?”

If the spirit leads, my brother.



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.