Surviving Nigeria requires you having a guy for everything from making clothes to getting into a club. To help all the “learners” out there, we have compiled the ultimate Nigerian “connects” survival kit.

1. A tailor to keep you looking “frosh”

You need someone to sew aso ebi for the party you want to crash with little or no notice.

2. A backup tailor in case your regular tailor is having brain touch

If your tailor does not have this kind of poster he/she doesn’t know the work oh!

3. A mechanic

Lagos roads will destroy your car for you and you need a mechanic that will only cheat you small because they fear God.

4. A cab guy

For when your mechanic said “3 days” but actually mean anytime between now and the end of days.

5. An electrician

For when Nepa decides to send too much light and blows all your electric appliances.

6. A hairdresser or barber

One that can help you “plait Alicia Keys” or “barb Obama” style.

7. A mallam

Because these banks and Bureau De Change people think they can use sense but you have a guy!

8. “Customers” in the market

To give you the best deals and discounts when there is tomato scarcity.

9. A DVD/download guy

To hook you up with the latest movies and episodes from your favourite series!

10. An NYSC guy

To “help” you serve your country in the most stress free manner possible.

11. A bouncer guy

So that you don’t disgrace yourself outside the club and can stroll in with confidence.

12. A police guy

In case you enter trouble he can sort out one or two things sharply!


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.