It’s not like we’re trying to lead you astray, but if you’ve already decided to lie, you might as well tell a really good one. Just promise to share the money when you get it because these formats will definitely work every time.

Tell him it’s a loan

The first step is to make it seem like you intend to pay back, even though you and I both know that’s not in the plan.

And that you’d pay back with interest

Just don’t clarify what type of interest you mean. If he ever brings it up when it’s time to pay back, you can say the interest you offered was a hug or a pat on the head. Interest is interest.

Say there’s something wrong with your credit alerts

And you just want to know what it feels like for money to hit your account. You can throw in small sweet words and head rubs for pizzazz.

Tell him the last person who gave you money got blessed

If he doesn’t feel encouraged to try it out, he lacks faith in you, and why are you dating such an opp?

Say your [distant] family member swallowed a razor

Crazier things have happened. At least we were here when he heard that snake swallowed millions. Just tell him someone swallowed a razor, and now everyone needs to contribute to foot the medical bills.

Tell him you crave money in your account

This will probably only work if you’re pregnant sha. We’ll recommend getting pregnant first so this format works better for you.

Claim to be broke

This might even be an obvious lie, because Nigerian babes are rich. But you could try.

Blame Nigerian banks

Nigerian banks already have a reputation of doing everything else except their work, so this won’t be too far off. Just say something in the lines of, your bank locked your account, and boo will do the needful.

Tell him you want to buy him a gift

He’d be too impressed at the fact that you’re actually thinking of him to ask why you aren’t using your own money. 

Tell him you want to buy yourself a gift

And if he says no, it just means he doesn’t think you’re worthy of good things. Is that who you should be dating, sis?

Say you want to start a business 

TBH, using all the money to look good is good business, so this isn’t even a lie.

Tell him you’ve found a sugar daddy 

If he likes you, he’ll know he needs to step up so they don’t snatch you away from him. If he doesn’t like you, though…

Say you’re owing Palmpay

He wouldn’t want you to be disgraced, so he’ll cough up the money.

Tell him you need money for school or anything specific 

You already call him “daddy”, so he might as well start acting like your father.

Just call him and start crying 

At this point, you can be as creative as possible. Form sadness and tell him you don’t think he’d still love you if you were a worm. He’d probably try to appease you, and that’s when you ask for the money.

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Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.