BDSM In Nigeria: 5 Ways It Can Go Terribly Wrong

April 23, 2020

BDSM in Nigeria

Feel free to disagree and argue in the comment section if you want but there are many things that are made infinitely worse when you add Nigeria (and Nigerians by proxy) to them. BDSM is not an exception. Here are 5 ways BDSM can go wrong in Nigeria.

1) Asking someone to flog you with a riding crop because you’ve been a bad gyal/buoy but having to frantically beg them to stop amidst tears because they got lost in the fantasy and began taking out their frustrations on you.

BDSM in Nigeria

“Nkiru, please stop! Why do you keep calling me Mr. Ayoola??! NKIRU HAAAAAAY!!!”

2) Asking someone to choke you lightly because you’re a fan of autoerotic asphyxiation but ending up being laughed at by Saint Peter at heaven’s gate because your partner suddenly remembered the last time you annoyed them and choked you to death.

BDSM in Nigeria

“SKDJHFJSKAHDJHAJKSDH!” – Whoever is getting choked.

3) Your partner insisting on tying you to the bed to spice things up but as soon as you’re firmly tied up, they bring 3 people in black robes into the room and promptly use you for money ritual.

BDSM in Nigeria

“Bridget. If you wanted a threesome, you could’ve just said so na. Bridget, what is that machete for? Bridget! BRIDGET!!”

4) Your partner insisting on tying you to the bed to spice things up but as soon as you’re firmly tied up, they proceed to die of a heart attack or something, leaving you to slowly die of hunger and thirst.

BDSM in Nigeria

Is this an allegory for how stressed out Nigerians are all the time? I can tell that you’re not sure. How? Because I am also not sure.

5) Asking someone to talk dirty to you only for everything to end in tears because they took it too far.

BDSM in Nigeria

“Baby, I’m so sorry I said you don’t have sense and that was why you were never able to graduate university. Please stop crying.”

Click here to read about how to give your partner the best sexual experience of their lives.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

July 13, 2021

Here are seven different ways to make the Nigerian girl you like fall for you. 1) Words of affirmation To make a Nigerian girl fall in love with you, you need to give her bank account some words of affirmation. The best kinds of words of affirmation come in the form of a credit alert. […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

May 21, 2022

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old man who masturbated for the first time when he was 22. He talks about the transition from saving himself for marriage to just enjoying sex, and why he never considered masturbation till he started having sex.

Recommended Quizzes

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

More from Inside Life

May 20, 2022

Nobody will pass off a chance to win an all-expense-paid trip to KENYA with the winner of Nigerian Idol Season 7. So if you are still thinking, dreaming, waiting, or thinking you have enough time, then you are wasting time because this promo is ending on the 7th of June. Do we have your attention? Here’s […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X