BDSM in Nigeria
Feel free to disagree and argue in the comment section if you want but there are many things that are made infinitely worse when you add Nigeria (and Nigerians by proxy) to them. BDSM is not an exception. Here are 5 ways BDSM can go wrong in Nigeria.
1) Asking someone to flog you with a riding crop because you’ve been a bad gyal/buoy but having to frantically beg them to stop amidst tears because they got lost in the fantasy and began taking out their frustrations on you.
“Nkiru, please stop! Why do you keep calling me Mr. Ayoola??! NKIRU HAAAAAAY!!!”
2) Asking someone to choke you lightly because you’re a fan of autoerotic asphyxiation but ending up being laughed at by Saint Peter at heaven’s gate because your partner suddenly remembered the last time you annoyed them and choked you to death.
“SKDJHFJSKAHDJHAJKSDH!” – Whoever is getting choked.
3) Your partner insisting on tying you to the bed to spice things up but as soon as you’re firmly tied up, they bring 3 people in black robes into the room and promptly use you for money ritual.
“Bridget. If you wanted a threesome, you could’ve just said so na. Bridget, what is that machete for? Bridget! BRIDGET!!”
4) Your partner insisting on tying you to the bed to spice things up but as soon as you’re firmly tied up, they proceed to die of a heart attack or something, leaving you to slowly die of hunger and thirst.
Is this an allegory for how stressed out Nigerians are all the time? I can tell that you’re not sure. How? Because I am also not sure.
5) Asking someone to talk dirty to you only for everything to end in tears because they took it too far.
“Baby, I’m so sorry I said you don’t have sense and that was why you were never able to graduate university. Please stop crying.”
Click here to read about how to give your partner the best sexual experience of their lives.
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