BDSM In Nigeria: 5 Ways It Can Go Terribly Wrong

April 23, 2020

BDSM in Nigeria

Feel free to disagree and argue in the comment section if you want but there are many things that are made infinitely worse when you add Nigeria (and Nigerians by proxy) to them. BDSM is not an exception. Here are 5 ways BDSM can go wrong in Nigeria.

1) Asking someone to flog you with a riding crop because you’ve been a bad gyal/buoy but having to frantically beg them to stop amidst tears because they got lost in the fantasy and began taking out their frustrations on you.

BDSM in Nigeria

“Nkiru, please stop! Why do you keep calling me Mr. Ayoola??! NKIRU HAAAAAAY!!!”

2) Asking someone to choke you lightly because you’re a fan of autoerotic asphyxiation but ending up being laughed at by Saint Peter at heaven’s gate because your partner suddenly remembered the last time you annoyed them and choked you to death.

BDSM in Nigeria

“SKDJHFJSKAHDJHAJKSDH!” – Whoever is getting choked.

3) Your partner insisting on tying you to the bed to spice things up but as soon as you’re firmly tied up, they bring 3 people in black robes into the room and promptly use you for money ritual.

BDSM in Nigeria

“Bridget. If you wanted a threesome, you could’ve just said so na. Bridget, what is that machete for? Bridget! BRIDGET!!”

4) Your partner insisting on tying you to the bed to spice things up but as soon as you’re firmly tied up, they proceed to die of a heart attack or something, leaving you to slowly die of hunger and thirst.

BDSM in Nigeria

Is this an allegory for how stressed out Nigerians are all the time? I can tell that you’re not sure. How? Because I am also not sure.

5) Asking someone to talk dirty to you only for everything to end in tears because they took it too far.

BDSM in Nigeria

“Baby, I’m so sorry I said you don’t have sense and that was why you were never able to graduate university. Please stop crying.”

Click here to read about how to give your partner the best sexual experience of their lives.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X