Today, I will be recapping the incredibly messy 8th episode of Real Housewives Of Lagos.

Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc.) and recap them for your pleasure.

I know you’re here for the DRAMA, but let’s do a quick recap of the show for those who don’t watch or do watch but need a refresher.

Real Housewives of Lagos is a reality show that was produced by Livespot360 and premiered on Showmax in April 2022. A spin-off of Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise, Showmax describes the show as “a peek into the lives into the opulent and oh-so-extra lifestyle of some of the most affluent women in Lagos, living their best Eko-Miami lives. Plus, all the drama and gbas gbos you can expect from The Real Housewives franchise.”

The main cast (from L to R) includes:

  • Toyin Lawani (aka Tiannah Styling): Serial entrepreneur and unhinged fashion designer.
  • Chioma Ikoku (aka Chioma Goodhair): Lawyer, Co-founder of Goodhair LTD, and goddess of beauty.
  • Mariam Trimmer: PR expert and instigator of fun.
  • Carolyna Hutchings: Actress and self-proclaimed oil and gas mogul.
  • Iyabo Ojo: Actress and good vibes queen.
  • Laura Ikeji: Social media influencer and fashion blogger.

The show follows the same format as the other instalments. In every episode, one of the housewives throws a party as an excuse to gather the cast together in one place, with the production team hoping that drama of some kind will happen. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how we got the messy fight that went down in this week’s episode.

Real Housewives of Lagos cast unveiled

In the last episode, Mariam invited the girls over to her house for a fancy lunch, which ended up becoming a late dinner because Carolyna and Chioma showed up like six hours late. Laura was clearly upset about the tardy duo keeping everyone waiting but said nothing, choosing instead to grumble over everything else (the food, the entertainment, etc) and attacking Chioma and Carolyna the next day in their WhatsApp group. Here’s the message she sent:

Chioma stayed silent through the whole thing but Carolyna was giving it back to Laura hot hot. The episode ended with Carolyn accusing Laura of being a runs girl who gets pimped out to Nigerian politicians for money.

Let’s get into the juicy part of the week’s episode

Stressed out by the tension stemming from the events of the last episode, Iyabo invites all the housewives to a meeting to squash the beef, but the exact opposite happens. Before we talk about the fights, let’s hold hands and gaze upon Toyin living her “Pennywise the dancing clown” fantasy.

Round 1: Iyabo Vs Laura

Iyabo starts the meeting by addressing everyone. Laura is in the corner looking smug because she thinks this meeting is for tackling Chioma and Carolyn’s late coming. She is shocked when Iyabo turns to her and is like:

Laura loudly asks to know why the girls are always on her ass about one thing or another, and Iyabo explains that it’s that Laura never verbally expresses when something is bothering her. She just channels all that energy into being a Debby Downer bringing down the vibe. The conversation perfectly segues into the next round.

Round 2: Toyin Vs Laura

Iyabo points out that Laura went into Super Saiyan Debber Downer mode at Mariam’s dinner and was rude to Toyin, even though Toyin was just trying to make sure Laura was ok. Toyin agrees and starts to talk about how Laura’s “You’re doing too much” comment made her feel when Laura takes the conversation in a different direction by accusing Toyin of being a terrible friend.

Toyin tries to explain that just because they’re friends doesn’t mean she has to support Laura’s bad behaviour, but Laura isn’t having it. They engage in a screaming match for like half a minute while Chioma and Iyabo loudly cackle in the corner.

When her gaslighting doesn’t work, Laura quickly apologises to Toyin, stating in her confessional that the only reason she apologised is so the other housewives won’t make fun of her for fighting with her only “real” friend.

Round 3: Carolyna Vs Laura

Laura tries to defend her anger that night by pointing out that Chioma and Carolyna must’ve planned to come for Mariam’s event later because they dressed in dinner clothes while the rest dressed for lunch. Carolyna, who has been quiet this whole time, comes alive and is like:

Laura ignores the comment and seemingly starts backtracking, claiming that the message she sent to the group chat — the one that started this whole thing — wasn’t directed at anybody in particular, which is insane because the message had Carolyna and Chioma’s names in it. Iyabo points this out, and Laura adds that she wasn’t even angry when she sent the message. Let’s read that message again.

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The other housewives are like:

Carolyn accuses Laura of always wanting to start drama with her and Chioma because she wants more followers on social media. The reaction shot that follows this should be made into a painting.

Laura says this doesn’t make sense because she has more followers than Chioma and Carolyna combined. And she’s right.

They keep going back and forth while the others watch. Things get heated when Laura threatens to beat up Carolyna’s ass if she ever mentions her sister’s name (Linda). Carolyna is like:

And Laura goes to attack her, but the others hold her back. Carolyn keeps going by accusing Laura of being pimped to a Nigerian politician back in 2017. Laura denies it and jumps at Carolyna, but Mariam, like a rugby player, intercepts her, mistakenly losing her entire blouse and exposing her boobs in the process. (We don’t see it, but Toyin mentions it later.) Carolyn throws a cup of water into Laura’s face, Shangela style, which causes Laura to dash at Carolyna again but is held back by Chioma this time. Mariam is on the floor, clutching what’s left of her blouse to her chest. Some production crew members have to intervene, and it seems like things are calming down. Laura suddenly goes she-hulk on everyone and goes for Carolyna AGAIN. It takes the entire production crew to hold her down this time.

Round 4: Toyin Vs Laura (The Sequel)

Laura composes herself off-camera and announces that she’s leaving. Toyin walks with her to the elevator to make sure she’s ok, but she starts to cry, screaming about how Toyin didn’t stand up for her and claiming that if the roles were reversed, she would’ve done the needful. The episode ends with Laura declaring in her confessional that her friendship with Toyin is over.

The End

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Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.