Everywhere has been shut down. Your lover lives far away. You need time and quality attention… Is it not time to start dating your neighbour or someone close by? At least to keep body and soul together. Let us explain this thing to you.

1. Your sweetheart is far away from you.

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And absence makes the heart grow fonder weary, you know?

2. Yes, you chat on the phone and do video calls. But listen, is it video call that will satisfy you?

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Can you smell through video call? Can you touch through video calls? Not that we’re pushing negative ideas into your mind oh, we just want you to see the truth.

3. Your neighbour has been so kind, right?

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Neighbour that is always looking out for you…

4. Your kind neighbour that brought you tea when you ran out of Milo….

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A kind, kind lady.

5. Remember that time your partner cheated on you?

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Yes, it was many years ago, but isn’t it time to do your own back?

6. Wild thoughts aside, don’t you need someone to pray with?

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Prayer for your partner, prayer for Nigeria, prayer for the world…

7. You also need someone to eat your food right?

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Your food, not your work. The rice and stew that you often cook in excess.

8. And when lockdown ends, you’ll need someone close by to share the news with, right?

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Then, dear reader, what you need is a temporary bae. Only for this period of the lockdown. We are telling you this because we have your best interests at heart.


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.