7 Things We Want To Buy At The Night Market

June 26, 2020

Yesterday, the business and marketing section of Twitter decided to do a ‘Night Market’ thing where goods were offered at discounted prices. There were a lot of items on sale: from wig to bed sheet to spaghetti and two meat to perfume. And it was quite lovely.

As they prepare for the next night market, we have some items we would like to see on sale.

A picture of us at the next night market.

1. Romantic partner.

Honestly, the body needs what it needs and what is the point of a night market if you cannot go single and return with a man in your handbag. See ehn, men are stressful, but a man bought from the night market is less likely to stress you. He misbehaves, you tell him: “If you don’t stop that rubbish, I’ll return you to the night market!” Wouldn’t that be absolutely adorable? Sha take this quiz so you know the kind of romantic partner to buy: QUIZ: What Kind Of Partner Are You Drawn To?

2. Canadian passport.

It is only if you are lying to yourself that you will say this Nigeria is your father or motherland. Better snap out of it. Canada is your true place of origin. A mix up occurred in heaven, that’s why you ended up in Nigeria with the name Kamali Arogundade. But if our market people start selling Canadian passports, you can rectify this mix up. Here is one japa story that will inspire you: So You Want To Move To Canada: The Toronto Japa Abroad Life.

3. A plot of land in Lagos.

Lagos is kuku bound to go underwater anyway. Why not sell a plot of land for N28,000? Installmental payment too, and if you don’t agree, keep your land and we will keep our money.

QUIZ: Only Rich Nigerians Will Get More Than 7/11 On This Naira Quiz

4. Benz, but for like 30k.

Ignore the second zero. It’s probably a typo.

5. Ram.

Sallah is coming. We can buy the ram and keep. Just sell it for 5k and we have a deal. Don’t worry, we will cut grass to feed it.

6. BDSM equipment.

Shebi it’s night market? We will cover eyes and come. Buying online makes us shy. You know, we sometimes feel like the online bot will judge us for liking to be choked and flogged like we stole money.

6 Household Items That Can Double As BDSM Equipment

7. Finally, 2020.

Oh no. We are not buying 2020. We would actually love to sell 2020 at night market and buy 2021. Abeg, the coordinators of night market should do the needful.

We hope that @_DammyB_ will include this post as part of the research. Otherwise…

Have you read this? Why Are Delivery Men Late?

You'll like this

October 9, 2019

Going on a road trip is an adventure that requires a lot of packing and planning; the road can be annoying, and you’re going to be far away from the comforts of your home — better to be safe than sorry. The Jollof Road team are currently touring West African countries, having the best time […]

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

July 10, 2020

If you grew up with your dad being the best thing since they invented Canadian PR, this post is for you. 1) When your mum says no, you always run to meet your dad. Hehehe. 2) Your mum’s face whenever she sees your dad indulging you. Don’t jealous me pls. 3) Your dad whenever you […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer.

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

More from Inside Life

July 10, 2020

If you grew up with your dad being the best thing since they invented Canadian PR, this post is for you. 1) When your mum says no, you always run to meet your dad. Hehehe. 2) Your mum’s face whenever she sees your dad indulging you. Don’t jealous me pls. 3) Your dad whenever you […]

July 10, 2020

If your Nigerian mother has not said one of the following to you, is she really Nigerian? 1) “Do you have another mother?” Favorite weapon. 2) “I carried you for nine months.” Best used to garner sympathy from an audience. 3) “When I’m gone, you’ll miss me.” General market line. Followed by “you don’t appreciate […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X