My fellow reader who is in need of fast cash, I welcome you. What has brought you here today is the pressing business of acquiring a Sugar Daddy who will finance everything you need, including your wedding to the love of your life. But you must be careful though, a lot of men are out there with only one teaspoon of sugar left in them. May you not fall into their net (amen). This post is a list of qualities you should look for when you shop for a sugar daddy.
1. A potbelly.
This is a sign of many good things. For starters, it means that he has enough money to flex and eat excess which is equal to pure flex. It also means that he has no time to gym. The people who gym are these 20+ men who will offer you nothing but love and poverty. But you see men with potbellies? Ah, hook them into your veins, dear. Rub that belly well and they will give birth to Canadian passport.
2. A white beard.
Once you see that beard, know that he is carrying cash. How do I know? Ah, leave that aside. It is spiritual discernment.
3. Make sure he is photogenic.
Because you might be caught with him anytime. If he is photogenic, you can easily say that he is your uncle, your daddy, your mother’s brother, your daddy’s son brother’s nephew. Scatter the whole equation, dear.
4. If he wears any of these things, run after him dear.
This is the starter pack of men that will give you quarity lomance. Those who know, know.
5. If his surname is Dango-something, Otedo-something, Buhar-something, this should be your immediate reaction.
I have caught you and you will not escape, sir.
You must pray for a sugar daddy that is impotent, unless you won’t enjoy your sugar-ship. The reason is because a lot of these men have pent up sexual frustrations and they can grind you to powder when they fall on you. You don’t want to die, do you? No. So, pray that he is rich and impotent. That way, you get money and only money. Just rub his belly or his head and he will vomit money for you. A human ATM, ha. Just what we need.
7. Make sure he does not understand English.
That way, you can carry on an entire relationship without him knowing. You can get pregnant and tell him it’s a mere collection of important fluid. He no go sabi anything.