Ladies, the world has advanced past the need for women who are not Alpha Females. Take charge or go home. Aspire to kpekere. That’s the new world order.
But first who is an Alpha Female? In simple terms, she is fierce, busy, powerful, and eats challenges as food. These 12 checks will tell if you are an Alpha Female.
1. If people refer to you as ‘Sir’ on the phone.
Ah, you made the cut. Men think you are one of them. Welcome to the Alpha side of life.
2. Do you have high heels?
Hmm, my dear. The Association of Alpha Women, Ojuelegba chapter, have rejected your application oh. How can you hope to be Alpha in high heels? Where are your Timberland boots? Hide your face abeg.
3. Are you rocking lowcut?
Alpha oh-oh-oh, Alpha! Alpha you don win oh, Alpha! Patapata you go win forever, Alpha.
4. You have more than 3 wigs? No Alpha for you.
How can you be Alpha and you have time for distractions? To wear wig or be Alpha? Choose one abeg.
5. Do you live in a house you paid for?
If yes, please sit down, let us bring you the registration packet for Alpha women. We see you and we bow in your presence.
6. Do you wear eyelashes?
You do? Oya leave here with those eyelashes. You think Alpha Females have time for fancy appendages of beauty? Do you want to be an Alpha Female or you want to compete with the Flutterwave butterfly?
7. Pantsuit or Skirt suit?
If it’s a pantsuit, please go to the right. If it’s a skirt suit, carry your bag and go home. We have chosen the candidates we need for the Alpha Female Reality TV show.
8. Do you work in tech?
Ah, automatic Alpha woman entry. Please note, if you work in tech and you wear lipstick, wig and jewelry, your own Alpha is contaminated abeg. It’s in the Alpha Woman guidebook, section 10, line 4.
9. Do men want to demystify you? Alpha is calling your name.
Men see you as a competitor. They want to unwrap you like hot moi-moi. Rejoice, you made the cut. Enter the Alpha Woman ring, let us bring you a suitable opponent.
10. YOU WEAR DEODORANTS AND PERFUMES??? Please leave here before we open our eyes.
How can you be Alpha and you will be wearing scents? What kind of women do you think are in the Alpha Women group sef?
11. Do you have a LinkedIn profile?
Ahan. Alpha Woman wey sabi wetin she dey do. It is your type we are looking for.
12. Can you finish more than three wraps of eba?
A for what? Alpha! Even your stomach knows your capabilities! Your presence intimidates us. Keep being the Alpha Female you are.