Today, I spoke to a lady who regrets not taking runs seriously.

How did you get to this point?

When I came to Abuja in 2018  for my NYSC, I stayed with my aunt.  Just before the end of my service year, I got a job with a slightly okay pay. I was excited about the possibilities until my aunt kicked me out of her house.

Say what now?

When I told her about the job, I literally watched the light leave her eyes. A few weeks later, she told me she was travelling and wanted to lock her house so I should prepare to leave. She actually told my mom before she told me. I was helpless. It hurt more because she’s actually related to me by blood and isn’t just a family friend.

I’m sorry. What did you do next?

Honestly, It threw me off because I thought I’d finally get a chance to start my life and do better things for myself. I started an immediate search for a place to stay. There was a guy who liked me; he was doing very well for himself, I told him about my situation and he offered me his place as an option.

Was your mother okay with this?

I didn’t tell her. I knew she wouldn’t want me living with a man so I lied that a friend offered me a space in his guest house. She bought the story and I started living with this friend. I stayed with him for 2 months.

What was that like?

I was being monitored and I wasn’t allowed to have friends over at all. He didn’t like the fact that I insisted on staying in the second bedroom in the house. He had expected me to stay in his room. Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for a place to stay, but I didn’t appreciate the other things he did like randomly grabbing my breast or touching my butt or telling his friends that I was his girlfriend. This is someone that I wasn’t even considering as a dating prospect and I wouldn’t have looked his way at all but life comes at you fast.

How did you become a sugar baby?

After living with him for 2 months, he saw that I refused to have sex with him and that I wasn’t responding positively to his advances, so he switched up. When I told him I was getting my own place soon, he started acting out. One day, he told me his babe was coming from Lagos and asked when I was leaving.  I had to stay with a friend while trying to raise money for my house. By then, I had been meeting up with other people, trying to solicit help so I could get my own place. My first sugar daddy was a man I met when living at my aunt’s place. My aunt was also a sugar baby so she had a lot of rich men come to her house and this one picked interest in me and got my number.

What was the relationship like?

Initially, he started out being so helpful with no strings attached, he didn’t act like he was interested in me that way. I got gifts and money from him from time to time until one day he asked me to come to a hotel. That was when I knew what was up. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with him but I knew that If I didn’t do something, the money and gifts would stop so I gave him a blow job. I hated myself afterwards. I continued seeing him even though he made his intentions clear that he wanted to make me his second wife but wanted to sleep with me first. I perfected the art of giving blowjobs so I wouldn’t have to sleep with him.

So, you were a sugar baby without giving sugar?

Yes. Something like that. I was totally repelled by him. I didn’t sleep with him because I was disgusted by him. I never stated this to his face but all these played a factor. However, he kept coming back. Even when I moved into my new place, I had to tell him that I wouldn’t sleep with him and the most I would do was a blowjob. I always felt disgusted after. 

So, You didn’t take on more partners? 

I actually did. I started seeing other men but I made it clear that I wasn’t going to have sex with them. My hesitation came from the fact that I am a feminist and I don’t like being objectified but I figured that everyone has their cross to bear and this is mine. Over the months though, I toughened up and told myself that I will treat being a sugar baby like a side hustle. I might not like it but I have to do it to survive. My job pays me next to nothing and sometimes my salary finishes in the first week but I somehow manage to pull through.

You mentioned being a feminist

Yes. I am. It makes doing this harder because I want to be more for myself. I don’t intend to keep doing this for long. I am only maintaining these relationships with hopes that if an opportunity comes up, I’d be remembered and considered and that would push me to the next level in my life. Also, I regret not taking runs seriously last year because I felt it made me a bad person. So even when I kept meeting big people, I wasn’t willing to play the game. Now, I understand that you have to weaponise what these men like about you to get what you want.

Anything else you want to add?

Yes. I have come to learn that life is “give and take”. Men don’t do anything out of charity, there’s always a motive. Understand their motives and use it to get what you want. Secondly, do not judge others for the decision that life forced them to make. We are all just trying to survive.  

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